Standing in line at the front of the store.
Ned: Hey, Cuz!
Pons: Oh, Hi, Ned.
Ned: Funny meetin' you here. I figured you more for a Target or Walmart consumpter.
Pons: You mean consumer.
Ned: Yeh, we don't use them fancy names fer us elves here at Kmart, Pons.
Pons: Us selves?
Ned: No, no-- ha ha -- we ain't no elves, Pons.
Pons: What?
Ned: We're just reg'lar folk, Pons. You do know what the big K stands fer doncha?
Pons: The parent company, Kresge.
Ned: Nah. It stands fer kin. We're a big ol' brotherhood here at Kin mart, Pons.
Pons: Okay, Ned.
Ned: What brings ya to Kin mart today, Pons?
Pons: Well, this is funny. I received a Kmart gift card in a birthday card from you, Ned.
Ned: Well, I'll be! I remember that. I re-gifted that card.
Pons: That's okay, Ned. Do you remember how much is on it?
Ned: That there's a poser, Pons. Let's see, it had a hundert on it when I got it from yer maw.
Pons: Huh?
Ned: I first off got a kurt a oil fer my hog.
Pons: You own a Harley?
Ned: His name is Proffezzer Porkenbeans, Pons. And ya cain't own a pig anymore en ya can a cat.
Pons: Okay, Ned. So you bought oil with my - er - the card?
Ned: Yep! The Proffezzer likes gettin' slicked up fer the ladies.
Pons: Yeh, okay - yeh. You purchased oil and --.
Ned: I'm recollectin' buyin' some cabbages.
Pons: Cabbages?
Ned: Oh yeh, Pons. I make and jar up my own cole slaw, sauerkraut, and cabbage soup. I buy them suckers right off the truck in the back a this here store.
Pons: You paid for those with this card?
Ned: Nah, 'course not. Them fellers just deal in casherino.
Pons: What about the card, Ned?
Ned: Well, as I remember, I zipped through that card all in one visit. Bought some raw water, a bunch a Green Lannert t-shirts and under pants, a case of Big K imitation wine, and deodorant fer them days atween dips in the bath tub.
Pons: You emptied the card? What the hell is raw water?
Ned: It's the IN thin' ta do now, Pons. You get a bunch a empty water bottles and fill ’em back up from a rain barrel or mud puddle. Then folks pay big bucks ta drink this natural stuff.
Pons: You pay for-- never mind, So what's on the card now?
Ned: She's cleared, Pons. You can put how ever much you want on 'er.
Pons: Thanks, Ned.
Ned: Welcome to Kin mart, Pons.
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