The Presidential Novice Handbook by Mike Stevens |
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1: never admit you suck
2: never admit you're wrong 3. never admit you're in over your head 4. when confronted by overwhelming evidence, blame anyone but yourself 5. when something dumbshitty you've said or done is highlighted on video, claim the media is fabricating it, because they're liberal assholes and went to extremes to make you look incompetent 6: heap praise on your supporters, The Three-Teeth Brigade, who you secretly think are idiots, but can-be-manipulated idiots 7. division is your friend 8. always seek to divide 9: fear can be a powerful weapon for getting your way 10: always blame liberals for why you're a moron-dick 11: deflect media scrutiny of all your crimes by attacking the Clinton's, because the media will follow the bright shiny object 12: claim to be draining the swamp, even as you're filling it with a high-pressure fire hose--this is where the Three-Teeth Brigade's naivety can be useful 13. make people doubt the media--once again, The Three-Teeth Brigade will be easy to manipulate, so use their naivety to your advantage 14. if Republican, get all your information from one source, suggest Fox News or Breitbart 15. use division to ease conquering, and use faux anger to widen the division gap
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Mike Stevens
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