Humpty Dumpty there on the wall,
Humpty's not what he seems at all.
With his grin so wide and his arms and legs
He's son of the goose who lays golden eggs.
That is why the rumor was told
Humpty's heart could consist of gold.
That fact of the matter was, no one knew,
But in Scarlett's cold heart greed grew and grew.
Expensive tastes left her in debt.
Gold was something she had to get.
Hatching an evil and murderous plan,
She required the help of a single man.
Who could she trust this deed to do?
Let me give you a little clue.
'Twas Colonel Mustard who did it, you see,
With a large lead pipe on the balcony.
Cracked poor Humpty right on the head,
Shattered the shell, leaving him dead.
Pieces of egg were all over the ground,
Twirling and swirling around and around.
Scarlett was watching at the door,
Saw him covered in egg-white gore,
Even worse--thick yoke from the "yellow" core.
It wasn't the gold she'd been hoping for.
So Scarlett ran away that day
Leaving Mustard alone to pay
For the wicked deeds of their evil plot,
And all the lost riches it never brought.
But Mustard knew a thing or two.
He cooked the egg and bought some glue.
With paint and plaster and lots of shellac,
One piece at a time, he put Humpty back.
Now Humpty sits so way up high
And no one thinks to question why.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Just wave to Humpty again and again.
Not even Mother Goose can tell
That Humpty is an empty shell.
And all Mustard got for his greed and pain
Was a few deviled eggs and quiche Lorraine.
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