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This contest brought to my mind my son-in-law's first meeting with my brother. It went something like this:
"Hey, guess you're Mary's new man?"
"Yessir. Name's David."
"Well, pull up a chair, and let's set and sweat a while. I'm the infamous Uncle John."
"Infamous?"
"If you hadn't heard yet, you will, boy."
David found a lawn chair leaning against the barn and sat down in enough shade to relieve squinting. A few nervous minutes passed for David before John spoke again.
"Guess we need to get to know each other. Whatcha wanna talk about?"
"Well, I don't know, Mr. Yeager. What interests you?"
"Don't make no nevermind. You pick the subject and I'll take the other side."
Taking the other side is not usually an easy task whether the subject is politics, religion, values, parenting, whatever, but I grew up in a home where it was practiced. Granted, the purpose sometimes was only to gain enough understanding of the "enemy's" position to be a victor in an upcoming battle. My dad relished the Louisiana political scene, both the state and local government. Memories of front porch verbal combat between him and some other local, both hell-bent on being right, still occupy some favored corners in my mind. I once heard him explain why the people of Rapides Parish would benefit by electing Grady Kelly as sheriff, even though Grady Kelly was incarcerated for bribery at the time of the vote. Daddy was good at seeing all the sides to an issue, even the unpopular and, perhaps, foolish ones.
I work at understanding politics that come from right, though I lean left. I can make a case for the right-to-lifers when I find more credibility in the arguments in favor the mother's right to her life. Same sex marriages make sense to me, but I hear the good and honest people who rail against it. Spirituality translates to me as freedom to worship in all the good ways, while established religions encourage bias, distrust of those following a different path and a reason to forego personal responsibility. Still, I remember my Southern Baptist Church upbringing, and I respect, admire and appreciate the lives of all the good people who believe totally they are right. Gun control issues should not be held hostage by extremists on either side, but I can make a case for either.
It's not on the big issues where I fall short in searching for the middle ground or understanding the opposition. It's in the day-to-day living where I find it difficult to put on someone else's skin. A couple of weeks ago, I was reminded again how much easier it is to see only one side, mine, and issue ultimatums.
I am a small business owner with about sixteen employees. As so many of us have experienced, 2009 was the year from hell. I was forced to reduce my staff by seven, curtail expenses at every turn, as well as beat the bushes for some investment capital. In spite of that, our agency is still in a precarious position. The most positive aspect of my business and best indicator of our ultimate victory is the quality of my staff.
The seven people no longer employed had fulltime jobs when they worked here. Yet, the remaining employees have willingly assumed those duties, most often without being individually asked to do so and without additional compensation. Everyone works outside their normal job descriptions, and some people assume more responsibilities than are warranted. As I struggled to keep us afloat, they moved ahead with courage and conviction.
My right hand, my eyes, my ears and my agency financial manager was the one person who stood nearest to me as we approached the precipice. She struggled along with me as I tried to stay afloat, often adjusting my life jacket to keep my eyes clear of the water. She's had my back, while my focus was pinpointed on the future. We studied together, tried on all sorts of solutions together, and I felt empowered just because she occupied the office next to mine.
In spite of all that, I recently lost sight of the other side. She made a minor change in office procedures without my full participation, and I lashed out. I pointed out her management shortcomings, the ill-thought out method she used, and her lack of empathy for others. If I had taken just a minute to look at the other side, her side -- a year of financial stress, a cut in income, the bone weariness of working way too many hours and a desire to just get the job done quickly and correctly-- I would have produced a win-win solution to the situation. I failed to see the other side that looms so clear now.
Uncle John is right. Not just listening to another way of thinking, but honestly trying it on for size, exploring all the nuances, produces the most insight and the clearest vision. Next time, I'll "set and sweat" for a while, and instead of having a knee jerk reaction, I'll look for the other side.
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The Other Side.
Contest Winner
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Author Notes
I realize this doesn't really fits the contest rules, but I couldn't figure out how to "un-submit" it. It did not end up being exactly what I started out to write. I wanted to point out that seeing the other side in our day-to-day activities is the oil of good human relationships. And that it is sometimes most difficult to do because we are too busy "communicating" to listen --and therefore not communicating at all. The other side of speaking is listening.
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