I will no longer wear your coat of shame
Especially since it was never really mine to wear –
When you adorned me with it, I was
Young
Trusting
Virginal
In every sense of the word
Until you stole that from me
Replacing my veil of innocence
With a cloak of deceit and self-disgust
That became more deeply embedded
Each time you used me for your own pleasure
Adding layers of varnish to the lies
With which you painted my body and soul;
Convincing me I was the one who was worthless;
The one deserving to be on the receiving end of the stones
When it was you who turned my world upside down
After pretending to be my friend and protector
When life at home became too confusing to understand.
I am blessed to be wearing a new coat these days
Well, maybe not new but one I had misplaced –
This one has always contained the gifts of God’s
Grace
Mercy
Love
And compassion beyond all measure;
It somehow got buried under all the varnish of lies
All too often getting shellacked just as it was re-emerging
To reassure me God had never once abandoned me
During troubled times
But had remained by my side through it all
Providing emotional and physical strength
At those times I believed I could not go on
Equipping me for the time when He would call me
To share with others how He had once again
Turned what “you had meant for evil against me”¹
Into something to be used both for His good and His glory
That is the coat I will be wearing from now through eternity.
jbh
11-27-05
¹adapted from Genesis 50:20
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