FanStory.com - Toilet Paper Rantby Christi Olson

A rant. About anything I want. Where do I start? How about we start with something small and work out way up? Toilet paper. Why does NO ONE replace the roll they just used up with a new one? Do people think there is a toilet tissue fairy that replaces the spent roll is the kindness of her heart? Well sorry to burst everyone’s bubble… THERE IS NOT! You know who does replace it? I DO!
Now in all fairness, there are a few considerate souls out there that take the extra 30 seconds to replace the roll they just used up. Kudos to you folks. You feel another rant coming, don’t you? Ding! Ding! Ding! You would be correct!
Congratulations on your ability to evolve and pull a new roll of toilet paper out. Did you take it out and crudely place it on the counter? Or even better, did you prop it up on the empty roll? You did, didn’t you? Take the damn empty roll off the damn toilet paper holder, (can’t believe I have to say this) THROW THE EMPTY ROLL IN THE TRASH, and place the new roll onto the holder.
STOP! Did you put the roll on the holder correctly? YES, there is a “correct way” and a “not correct way” to put a roll of toilet paper on the damn holder. Listen carefully because I’m about to teach you a life lesson. BEARDS ARE GOOD, MULLETS ARE BAD! Don’t get it? It’s simple. “Beards” would be placing the roll on with the holder going OVER the top of the roll. “Mullets” would be placing the roll on the holder going UNDER the roll. Got that Sherlock?
Ok, let’s go over it one more time. You’ve just used the last of the toilet paper. First, pull out a new roll. Second, take the spent roll off the holder and throw it in the trash. Third, place the new roll on the holder MAKING SURE you have got a beard NOT a mullet. Everyone got it?!
Wow! Now I feel better!