|Spiritual Non-Fiction posted December 21, 2017||Chapters:||...7 8 -9- 10...|
Learn to Say NO
A chapter in the book Beauty for Ash and Stone
People Pleaser - Day 9
Christian Devotional for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
~ People Pleaser ~
A people pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you will meet. They never say “no.” You can always count on them for a favor or to help others. Similar to the perfectionist, the people pleaser learned at an early age that love came by doing what others asked.
The people pleaser becomes the ultimate human doormat in order to please others. They never offer an opinion and never do or say anything that could rock the boat. They are submissive and often, extremely apologetic. Have you ever met the person who apologizes for everything by saying, “I’m sorry?” It’s almost as if they are sorry for breathing air and will take blame for everything, even when it isn’t their fault.
The intense need to please others and care for them is rooted in fear of rejection and fear of failure. Fear of rejection comes from feeling that you have to do everything right and make a person happy or they will leave you. Fear of rejection comes from having emotionally unavailable parent/s, a parent/s who gave conditional love, or rejection/abandonment by a parent/s before age 9. Fear of failure comes from thinking if you make a mistake you will disappoint people and/or be punished. Fear of failure comes from having highly critical parent/s or being punished harshly as a child for making a mistake.
What’s wrong with helping others? Nothing, until it is done at your expense. When you don’t have time to take care of yourself properly, that’s when the problem occurs. You need to be able to eat healthy, exercise, have time for some fun, and get proper rest. Psychology Today states, “People pleasing can turn into a vicious cycle of chronic stress and unhealthy behaviors. If you have the constant feeling like you are too busy and doing everything for everyone else but yourself, you might be stuck in this cycle.”
By always saying yes, you put yourself at risk of others taking advantage of your kindness. Even worse, exploitive people will take advantage, because they will see you cannot say no and take as much as they can from you. You may feel guilty when you start to say no, but it’s necessary to get out of this unhealthy pattern for your well-being. You may have heard, “I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.” The good news is we don’t have to please people. As a Christian, the only One you have to worry about pleasing is God. The two greatest commands are to love God and to love others. Notice it says love others, not please them.
Stand in front of the mirror and practice saying, “No.”
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
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