Letters and Diary Poetry posted December 10, 2017

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I used to always be her protector but not from this.

Why So Cruel?

by Tier V. King

,Does life stand off at a distance and mock those too weak to contain hope?
Does it set them up for every fall or put out its foot to trip them as they walk by?
'Cause if that's so, then I've been getting tripped up by life, and falling face down.
I've been tripping over even the smallest pebble. 
That pebble hurts my foot and seems to go sharply through my body
as if I am not even wearing shoes.
This is just like the reality that I could no longer be your protector, not from this.
No, I could not protect you from this.

Why so cruel?

The reality, harsh,
like face hitting concrete,
sometimes, smooth,
like new soft leather,
its smell is, but oh, so deceitful.
Its color is jet black -  but...
what is it about the darkness that seems to cast shadows
that move towards you or dance off in the distance?
Even when the mind's eye says it knows that waltz,
why is it then that we meet a new friend to loathe?
Why then, no one or nothing to hold?

Why so cruel?

No new friend , just a new tool to use on my younger sister
to cause her to act so weird and this slices my heart.
But...tears should never come from there
and now the ones that are salty on my cheeks,
that ran across my lips, they were red as blood.

Why so cruel?

I keep saying, "If only you knew what this all really does to me!
If only you knew the bat that meets my face each time I want to take your pain.
Though, so overwhelmed with my own, I hope that maybe, just maybe
you would throw some blows or brush off life's joke with the giggle I once knew."

One day, will you let me touch your soft baby face,
then hold your hand so that we could walk together
to meet the darkness with a bat?

You once asked,
"Does life stand off in the distance to mock those too weak to contain hope?"
And...my answer,
is that echo in the back of your conscience that keeps saying,

"Yes, it does,
because it's so cruel,
yes, life is cruel...


Thank you, Pinterest for the use of the art...

My sister is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. This all started at the funeral of our oldest sister. I feel that the many, many tragedies that our family were going through at this time and because all of the loss - it all triggered her mental illness. She has never been the same since then. I adopted my niece in hopes that one day she would return okay enough to raise her own daughter but this never happened. She blamed me for the fact that her parental rights were terminated so she never spoke to me again. I haven't seen her in over fifteen years and I miss her so much. I would do anything to trade places with her so that she could be better or just live the way she used to.

I wrote this poem in the year 2000. Her schizophrenia seemed to start in July 1996. Her mental illness has been like a slow kill for me so I wrote three poems about it. The first poem that I posted is called "Schizophrenia." It is still in my portfolio, of course. last poem I will post about this is called, "That Same July."

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