Letters and Diary Poetry posted November 23, 2017

This work has reached the exceptional level
A long requested poem written for a close friend

Faked Happy for Cheated Dreams

by Tier V. King

By Tier V. King on September 10, 2015.

We abide.
We walk - holding hands, taking long strides,
proud...as I try to hide - what abides inside.

It's that electric shock that burns yet earns my attention.
It earns my time to decide and it earns my pride.

Yet as we walk - our brilliance shines and reminds all
that our beauty is simply the brilliance that we all see - for that second.
We recommend it only when we want to see it ourselves
but our resilience keeps no secrets.
Yet it is telling us to hold our heads up as we walk by together.

But...this brilliance, this secondary brilliance,
is it what we want it to be, need it to be?
Will it give me answers to why you cheated on me,
or...why you treated me with cheated dreams,
or...why you withheld my chance of dreams come true?

They were snatched and taken away like a busted bubble you once sold me.

At first, it was all blown up into a beautiful bubble that we
both stepped into but as soon as I reached out to grab hold of it,
you stuck the pin within, bursting even new dreams
you never meant to sell or tell,
daring me to be ungrateful for at least
having the house that is not really mine,
and the spouse that never really minds me,
even though I gave you loyalty and royalty
all wrapped up in submissive, wifely, life-ly duties.

But...these dreams, they were mine, they defined my hopes,
waiting in the outskirts, belonging to yesterday's rainbows
colored by God, colored for me and my right to dream.
They were the due that I knew was a long time awaited.
They were "a finally" that I earned for being true to myself.
These were the dreams that I dreamed
as I had the right to expect and not to accept
your big footstep smashing them into the cement
where my other dreams were buried too.
Yes, there were other dreams that were buried
even into the brick of this house,
this same house that I allowed myself to be buried in too.

Yes, I became so imprisoned in this house
that I threw away my own keys.
I was throwing away my own dreams
and allowing you to beat your own chest
as the only one capable of stealing and ripping my dreams away.
But...no...we stepped on them together with each
masterful, blaster-full step as all looked on in amazement.
But...it was that well-spent engagement
that allowed us to fake through our unhappy.
You took a look, that side glance and you
saw that dance on my face, like a fake smile.
This meant a chance for us - in your mind
because you thought you saw me happy
and you said to yourself, "Yes, I truly make her happy!"
But I was not even close, not even almost.

And even those who thought they saw us happy too -
they didn't realize that they were just too distracted
by our glory and the story of our lives,
while we walked down that aisle, as I was the princess
I always dreamed I would be, on that great big day.
I always dreamed of this day but it never, ever happened.
I continued to wait for you to feel that I was worthy
of that final dream come true...but:

"You were not my prince and you have not been since."

But it was that side glance of that dance on my face.
It was that trace of electricity. It was that vain pain
that helped me to remember, in that instance.
It was that circumstance that was enhanced by that faked smile.
It was that smile that made you think that perhaps you saw me happy
but really you wondered and you pretended - then silently said,
"I will save you!"
but you can't save me...because you can't save us.

Thus, that dance on my face, that simple smile
while coloring my face with faked happy - it was then that I asked myself,

"Do I deserve to be happy - when what can be - could never be us?"

We threw away happy with those ripped away dreams.
We never acknowledged my deservedness but
we painted apologies with paintbrushes that were
never present or evident during our well-spent steps.
In other words, we took steps but never apologized
and never realized that it was our unhappiness that has caused our pause.
We took each step, pretending to be happy
with faked happy that ended up too sappy to pretend on its own.
It has all grown into my realization that,
"I never really gave my dreams to you."
I never really gave you the permission to rip them away,
nor did I employ you to destroy them with me because,
I always had the power not to allow you to sour up my dreams."

And...yet you kept withholding gifts you never really wished
to give to me but gave me mere mentions of faked intentions of love.
They were really hesitations and clear fears about us ever really being happy.
It's this that you wished that I would never see or perhaps
you thought that I would never be stand up enough
to finally say, "Enough!"

But that slap...that slap of realization,
was a sensational motivation for me that finally forced me to see
that our relationship is not getting better - for the better or worst
that we promised to each other because - you always gave me worst.

And...at first, it all didn't matter but I was only lying to myself.
But I will not lie or deny myself my dreams anymore,
because I have always been worthy enough and able to do for myself,
without the help of anyone else, including you.

So don't get me wrong, the way you have for so long,
because I have also - always been strong
enough to reach for my own happiness.
It's just that I used to believe that a wife should receive
her happiness from her husband.
But I have not...
So now I vow not to smile or to fake being happy,
from now on.
Yeah, I am your wife, taking back my life,
because - I will always reach for my own happiness,
yes, from now on,

but...alone...and on my own...


Thank you, Pintrest, for the use of the artwork.

No, this is not my truth but one of my closest friends described to me a situation that she was dealing with and asked me to write her a poem about it. It was a special request. I decided to write her a poem in the way of a long conversation that needed to happened. Perhaps it is more like a Dear John letter.

She has been married to the same husband for over thirty years. She has explained that many times, for many years, he has not been faithful. She is still married to him though and it does not seem that she has decided to leave. She was thinking about it when she asked me to write her this poem.

I must say, "She is stronger and extremely, more tolerant than I could ever be. She is very loyal even though he isn't. She is also a very true friend to me so it was not much for me to write her this poem.

I hope you enjoyed reading it and thank you in advance for your review.
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