General Poetry posted October 19, 2017

This work has reached the exceptional level
a part of me that made me who i am today

Beginning of My Story

by nbonner

My story starts when I was just a toddler babe
That's when my sweet innocence was taken

I now know but I couldn't see then
that I would grow to have so much
pain and suffering from an act
of another's sin

I have no good memories for as long as I can
even at the age of five, which was my first,
I can still see my step-father beating me with
his horrible temper

The beatings were nothing compared to
what I would endure for many years to come
as I think back on what was done to me, I would have
taken the beatings any day over the feeling of
walking through life afraid and numb

My first memory of being violated
hot breath on my neck with whispering in my ear
sweaty hands, the size of baseball mitts, over my mouth
telling me to "shhhhh", is all I could hear

Sometimes I would wake with what felt
like a ton of bricks weighing me down
not understanding what was happening
I lay there still, tears streaming down my face,
wishing my mother were around

Confused and so young
Is this normal? Should I feel so much pain?
I didn't know how to answer but somehow knew
deep down what was happening would leave a stain

There were nights where I heard my door
creak open and a dark figure would crawl in
my heart would pound because I knew what
was coming, what would leave me shaking out
of control in the end

Sometimes I would scream, "Get out!" when I heard
that creak from my door
hoping to wake someone up or at least keep my
innocence once more

Still too young to know right from wrong,
but this felt wrong-I could feel it in my whole being
Why would no one help me? Did no one care?
or maybe they just weren't seeing

Something once told me another
saw what was being done to me by 'Him'
they did nothing to stop it
I wonder if they were happy it was me and not them

As I got older I knew this was wrong but
could not stop it
me being so small compared to what seemed like
a seven feet tall giant

Seven years of what felt like torture to my soul
moving away when I was twelve years old
stopping the physical nightmare but the mental
part will forever leave me, for a long time, ice cold

This is the beginning of my story from when I remember it. I went through a lot as a child and I took the wrong path to forget my past. It has taken me a long time to get to the right one but I finally made it. Thank you for letting me share my story on FanStory and thanks for reading.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

Artwork by Anne at

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© Copyright 2017. nbonner All rights reserved.
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