A chapter in the book Let's Laugh 5
Ted and Fred Take On Each Other
Poor Fred was looking awfully blue
when Ted said, "Fred, what's wrong with you?"
"Oh, Ted," said Fred, "I'm just no good.
I have no pep - not like I should."
"So, Fred," said Ted, "what should we do?
You just seem bored, and I am, too."
"Well, Ted," said Fred, "I just don't know.
Just think of somewhere we can go."
They sat up in the maple tree
just thinking where they'd like to be.
"Hey, Fred," said Ted, "how 'bout what say...
we just take off - let come what may!"
"Wow, Ted," said Fred, "that sure sounds great.
We don't set time ... we won't be late!"
So they took off around the tree
to just go see what they could see.
They flew straight up and then back down,
then clipped the tree - flew 'round and 'round.
They scared the dog, buzz bombed the cat,
then flew off with the mailman's hat.
They chirped and choked and laughed with glee
while flying 'round the maple tree.
Then off they flew to have some fun
with cat perusing on the run.
Fred knew not where their flight would end
but he was glad 'twas with a friend.
While unbeknownst to them on high,
a hawk flew waiting in the sky.
He watched the antics of the two
deciding then just what to do.
That hawk, he flew out of the sky
and picked on them, they knew not why.
He badgered, threatened and cajoled -
for just one bird, he was quite bold.
But Ted thought, 'Oh, no, not today!'
He tried to chase the hawk away.
When Fred saw Ted in full attack,
he joined the frey, did not hold back.
They pulled out feathers as they flew,
that hawk was gonna need some glue.
They flew as fast as they could go
when all at once Ted yelled out, "Whoa!"
They landed on a barnyard fence
surrounding track that was immense.
"Oh, Ted" said Fred, "what is this place?"
"See, Fred?" laughed Ted, "it's called a race".
"Wow, Ted", said Fred, "this will be fun!"
They heard a shot and 'round they spun.
Just then a horse ran round the bend.
Close followed by eight of his friends.
T'was nine brown carts and their fast steeds,
but two were holding to the lead.
They picked the horses, ONE and TWO,
then made a bet and off they flew.
Ted liked his ONE with flowing mane,
while Fred's black TWO was fast as rain.
The horses knew not what to think,
the drivers had not time to blink-
with each bird on a horse's head,
wings flapping, squawking, off they fled.
Then chaos went right o'er the top.
It broke full force and could not stop.
The drivers lost their firm control -
to stop the pain because their goal.
Two horses running...carts in tow,
the jockeys rocking to and fro.
One horse went left, the other right,
went off the track! Oh, what a sight.
Four other horses followed suit.
Then one driver fell on his snoot.
Two more fell off up in the stand,
that's where their horses tried to land.
But one lone driver held on tight
as his steed sped off through the night.
The crowd was standing on its feet,
they saw where ONE and TWO would meet.
For neck and neck were Ted and Fred;
first one in front, then other led.
"I'm gonna win!" yelled Ted to Fred.
"Not on your life!" yelled Fred to Ted.
Spurred on by squawkings in their ears,
the horses ran, the crowds did cheer.
The drivers finally got control,
both neck and neck round the last pole.
The crowds were standing on their feet.
The shouting came, synced with hoof beats.
The whips came out, the drivers struck,
spurned horses on, 'twas up to luck.
The horses bodies went streamlined
with ears laid back, and eyes that shined.
Then Ted and Fred, they dug right in
and held on tight amid the din.
A photo finish...had to be.
With all the dust, no one could see.
Fred looked at Ted, "I think I won!"
Ted said to Fred, "No, we're not done!"
The cameras flashed with nose to nose
as from the crowds, a cheer arose.
Both Ted and Fred flew off in glee
to go eat worms up in a tree.
'Dear Fred," said Ted, "that was just great.
What happens next? Should we just wait?"
"Oh, no, I think that we should leave,
'cause this is time that people grieve."
This is the story of a race,
an epic contest to save face.
But when it all was said and done ...
it mattered not, 'twas all in fun.
Break the Bank! Epic poem contest contest entry
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