Hello Frank! How are you?

Better than a kick in the nutts.

What took you so long? I wondered if you'd fallen and couldn't get up or finally kicked the can, ya old man. Ready t' get whooped again?

The only can I'll kick is your can-do attitude. I'll let you tee off first, ya fart.

After 35 years of golfing with you I will never get tired of your snark. But one day, you see, I'm going to whittle you down like a stick to see what's inside you. I bet all I'll find is cheap liquor and motor oil.

Have I really put up with your cheesy sentiment that long George? If you do whittle me down, whatever that means, you'll find more than you bargained for if you don't go ahead and tee off.

Keep your bones together old man, being retired means I get to take my sweet time. Just because those yuppies haven't nudged you out of a job yet doesn't mean I can't enjoy the fruits of retirement. Do you want to play 18 holes?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

How do you like my new driver, Frank? Deb gave it to me for me for our fortieth anniversary last night.

That's a nice club. The man who's had the same golf clubs for twenty years finally got a new one.

Yeah, it was time for Old Faithful to retire and for me to upgrade. After years of making due, it's nice to get something I deserve.

Yeah, playing golf once a month is making due.

She also got me some specially made balls.

She didn't think you had a pair to begin with? Hahaha.

Always the comedian. I've been eyeing this baby for a long time. It's nice to finally have a decent driver. You saw how I hit that ball? I've never seen anything go so far. You should ask Marcy to get you one.

I don't want one.

Judging by your first shot, you should.

I'm happy with what I have. Served me well so far.

How is Marcy doing?

Fine - with the Garden Club today, fundraising or something or other.

Busy woman.

Yeah, she's always out doing something. I can't remember the last time we had an evening together.

That can be tough on a marriage.

Yeah, I guess.

Ready to head to our balls?

That's what she said.

Are you 14? Here, I'll drive.

We're not old men yet, let's walk down there.

The exercise classes helping with your balance, eh?

Yeah, they keep Marc' off my back.

Hey Paul! Good to see you back this season. The grounds look great. You should come over and show Deb a thing or two sometime! It's a beautiful day isn't it, Frank? Those guys who retire and don't spend all their days at the golf course, I don't know what they're thinking.

They probably think it's boring and expensive.

I guess it is not for everyone, but I plan to spend all my days out here. Ahhh, what are women to fairways and putting greens?

And that's why I'm a better golfer than you. Golf is certainly not a feeling man's game.

What do you mean?

I mean the game rewards those who don't feel pressure, who are robotic in how they hit the ball. Also, think about what we've done on the course: close deals. We've discussed numbers and positions to get the sale. That leaves little room for poetry and heart. That's why I beat you all the time: you feel too much.

Yeah, but we have different styles. I butter them up until everything goes smooth like a James Taylor song. You beat down their walls with facts and reason until they succumb. You're an entrepreneurial battering ram. But, maybe you're changing on me. I think that's the most emotional I've seen you say in years.

Whew.

Nice shot.

Humph, let's go find your special ball. Can't let Debbie know you lost it on the first hole. I bet it's lodged somewhere in a bear's ass. We can use your new driver to get it out.

So where are you and Marcy planning to vacation this summer?

Don't know if we will.

Really? You two always go somewhere fun. Didn't you like the cruise last year?

Yeah, it was good...

Is everything alright?

Yeah.

You two having trouble again?

We'll figure it out.

If you need to talk about it I'm here.

Is this the whittling you were talking about? Although some liquor would be nice we can't get motor oil on the green again. Especially after how nice you were to Paul.

Frank, you're my friend, as cheesy as that sounds, and I want to be there for you. Besides I need to get Paul riled up, he still owes me that forty bucks.

We've just been arguing a lot. She wants to have Christmas in Cabo. In Cabo! That's Mexico! Who wants to drink egg nog and sing about snow and mistletoe in a hammock?

What do you want?

I just want to stop arguing... You saw it in that bush, eh?

I think I see it over there.

Hahaha.

You'll never stop laughing at these things, will you?

Can you see into the future with those glasses? Those rims are so thick, it's like you have two telescopes attached to your eyes. Maybe for your next anniversary Deb can get you a new pair.

Whew, here it is. Hand me my iron. I'll have you know that these glasses saved my life. When I returned---

Yes, I know. After Vietnam, you didn't have a penny to your name and only the clothes on your back and those glasses on your nose. All the sugar daddies in the bar steer cleared from you so that's how you knew Deb was the one. You either need to get a new story or start telling that one to the Boy Scouts.

I guess I've been around you too long to surprise you.

It'd take something extraordinary.

-- Deborah and I are getting a divorce.

Wha- What did you say?

I mean that we won't be married anymore. You getting Alzheimer's now?

You just had your fortieth, she got you a new club, I thought things were great.

Things were great, but we're just tired. We didn't realize it but the kids were what was keeping us together. We lost touch and drifted a part. We've been divorced for awhile, now we're just doing the paperwork.

What do you mean you were drifting a part? You talk, you live together. She got you a new club.

You know what I mean. Life happened and we didn't talk to each other about it. We're just not a team anymore. It got boring. I think Deb is a great person. I loved her for many years, but I don't love her anymore. I think it'd be best for us if we did our own things.

How long have you felt like this?

I've thought about this for months.

Does Deb know?

Yeah, it was her idea. The club was a parting gift of sorts.

What about the kids?

They're grown; they'll be fine. Besides, the grandkids will love having multiple Christmases... If you and Marcy are having trouble maybe you need to consider it. I have an extra set of papers in my car; it's really easy if you don't have any disputes over the property.

What? A divorce? Hell no. Why do you have an extra set of papers?

You know, the divorce business is huge so my lawyer has me out there recruiting; getting a commission out of it. Just kidding. I've always thought that you would be having this conversation with me.

Why? What makes you say that?

You complain about her a lot, I've never heard you a say a nice thing about her, and you're with the guys more than you are with her.

Why don't you shut up and tee off?

I'm serious. We've never talked about anything that matters and now I'm telling you I found the light. Make yourself free!

Free to what? You think we're gonna find a younger woman who will satisfy our fantasies and coddle us in our old age, for free? The only thing we have over younger men is money and if we use it we'd be dotting - like grandfathers.

Whether we get younger women or not, we could have different women.

humph, like an upgrade?

Just ones that appreciate us more. We worked for 40+ years, doing jobs we hated, so our wives could have the clothes they wanted, the houses they wanted, the cars they wanted, the parties they wanted, the trips they wanted, the children they wanted, the gardens they wanted, the education they wanted, the food they wanted, the furniture they wanted, what they wanted wanted wanted. But they never wanted us... Do you love Marcy?

... George, this whole talk took me by surprise. Out of all my friends, that are alive, you were the last that I thought who would give me this news. And don't bring my marriage into this. You and Debbie have your problems and Marcy and I have ours.

And I'm telling you that you don't have to have them anymore. You're always afraid of change but, as a friend, I'm telling you that this change would be good for you. Instead of arguing for a whole evening over something that probably doesn't matter, you could be at the club drinking your favorite scotch and smoking the best cigars. If you can arrange it like Deb and I did where we split everything, you'd both have more than enough to do what you want. I'm going to Augusta and Torry Pines to play as much as I want.

hmm... Why does she want to get divorced?

She brought it up after I rejected her pleas to go to France.

Ahh, that's why Marcy wanted to go.

You see, let the girls go and we can play at the best courses in the country. Maybe make the senior circuit.

When did you start thinking about this?

Six months ago, was when it started becoming a distinct possibility.

You thought about it before that?

Yeah. We talked about it when I had the affair.

What?!

Ha, yeah... Huh, I used to be horrified at the thought of people finding out but now I don't worry about it.

Did you go to counseling?

Yeah, but we just got tired of it. She said she saw me as a different man. I guess there's no changing that. The counseling did help a little, but it just got us to the point where we're just friends; we're amicable, there's no hard feelings, and I guess that's the most you can hope for in our situation. We've kept up our image for years, but now we don't feel the need to hold onto it anymore.

George, let me ask you, what have been the worst moments with Debbie?

There've been so many! She's not abusing me or anything, but I'm tired of our relationship surviving off of stale bread, off crumbs. I'm Oliver Twist asking the headmaster for more porridge.

If there's so many then you should be able to tell me at least one.

Ok then, hmmmm. It was late and we were driving home from something, we were talking about where to go out to eat and I wanted barbeque and she wanted Chinese. We spent hours arguing. It spiraled to what we wanted out of life, how we had held the other back, and other crazy stuff. Maybe we needed to have those conversations but I just wanted food. I was thinking that if I was single I would have simply gotten food, went home, gone to sleep.

And what has been your best moments?

What are you trying to do Frank?

I'm just asking questions. I want to understand.

You don't need to understand. You've never cared before. I've told you what we're doing and that's that.

Was it your wedding?

No.

Was it when you had your children?

No.

Was it when you and she went on that cruise?

No, although that was fun.

Was it wh--

Stop ... one of the best moments was when we were on a six-hour road trip back home. She's afraid of cars when she's not the one driving it, a control thing I guess, so when I drive she stays awake the entire time, no matter how tired she is. That's been nice since it keeps me company. I was driving this one time though and she leaned over from the passenger's side to kiss me on the cheek, put her legs in my lap, and fell fast asleep. That was her way of saying that she trusted me...

Why can't you make it work?

I told you. We have different wants and besides we've made our decision.

Gahhh.

What?

I thought I knew you. We've played golf for years, I coached your son's baseball team, you got my girl a job, our wives did fundraisers together. So, I can't believe you're throwing away forty years because you can't decide on a summer vacation and can't decide where to eat out.

Frank, I'm dying! I don't want to spend the rest of this life with someone I can't thrive with. I thought you'd understand. I haven't told anyone else, and outside Debbie and I you're the only one else who knows. And don't mention fundraisers to me, there's nothing fun about them. Just another item on their want list.

I don't know why I'm asking but I feel like I have to. I can't let you do this just because you're unhappy.

Oh, you can't? Why the hell not?

Because a person isn't a driver that wears out and you throw away when you have an opportunity to upgrade. A person is like a home: they settle into themselves as they age; they get additions added on; they have new people coming in and out of their lives, some for a few months and others for years; they can get better with age; and the best ones are the ones with character.

You've found your inner-poet, but you're wasting your time; don't worry about me.

Then why are you telling me?

Because we're... friends.

Then, if I'm your friend then tell me the truth: have you cried about this?

What?

Have you cried about this? You're leaving the woman that has been a part of your life for 40-plus years. That must be emotional.

Where is this coming from? The man who disowned Clint Eastwood after the waterworks in Million Dollar Baby is asking me if I've cried?

Because if you haven't cried about this that tells me you're too emotionally constipated to know exactly what you're doing. I didn't know that you had felt like this for so long, and I've failed you as a friend, but that doesn't mean there isn't a fix, it just might take longer to get there. Talking to you has made me realize that Marcy and I are in the same situation, and that if I didn't hate her I merely tolerated her. But when I was about to answer you about whether I loved her a memory came to mind. I had just returned from a long business trip, I was gone maybe a month, and Marcy came to pick me up from the airport. I was expecting her to come with the kids because one of them had a practice of some sort and then we had to run the other to a recital I think, and I knew her job was getting tough so I thought she was going to pawn them on me while she did some work. But she showed up with a clean, empty car and a cup of coffee. She told me she asked her sister to take care of the kids and that she had made my favorite meal waiting for me at home. Through out the drive and dinner she listened to me as I recounted my boardroom victories and she pitied laughed at all my jokes. I appreciated her for that. She never talked about herself or the kids even though she could have, and hindsight I probably should have let her talk more. We laughed though, she poked fun at me for how I twisted the arm of Mr. Zhu and how I'm never one to take 'No' for an answer. After I had talked her ear off she looks at me and tells me, "I'm glad you're home." We made love after that. Her and I aren't perfect but we've had perfect moments and I can't make moments like that with any other person in the world if I know that Marc' is still alive. We've built something wonderful although I've let it get dusty and broken. I don't want to throw my marriage away for a summer vacation and I don't want you to either.

...

I'm sorry but I can't finish the game today. Are we still on for next week?

Sure George, where are you going?

I gotta go talk to Debbie.

Can I give you a call later?

If you take me out to dinner afterwards, ha.

Yeah, we'll go get barbeque.