Humor Fiction posted July 17, 2017

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A lesson on the proper use of commas.


by Thomas Bowling

Today's lesson is on the subject of commas. Many would say that I'm the last person on earth to give a lesson on the correct usage of commas. I say what do they know and why are they always correcting my writing?

Commas are those irritating little squiggles that everyone is always complaining about. They were invented in Devonshire England by the Earl of Comma. It was meant to be a joke but no one got it and soon it became the rage all over Europe.

The comma has no place in modern writing. It's like the semicolon or cursive writing. It's a relic of a bygone era. I never use commas and I think you should follow my lead and avoid them.

There are only a few times when commas may be necessary. Actually, is a case in point whatever that means. I always toss a comma in after actually, Ninety percent of the time it's right. The rest of the time no one notices.

Finally,, definitely requires a comma. I'm so sure of it that I always use two commas after Finally,, Other than these examples you can forget commas. I find them distracting.

Gladys Periwinkle makes extensive use of commas and is constantly bugging me about them. Have you read her writing? I think she should spend a little less time on punctuation and more time on character development.

To sum things up commas are a waste of time and should be relegated to the pile of bad jokes they were intended to be. The next lesson will be on capitalization and when to avoid it.

Thanks for reading. I hope you learned something. Tom.

Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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© Copyright 2018. Thomas Bowling All rights reserved. Registered copyright with FanStory.
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