Biographical Non-Fiction posted June 6, 2017 Chapters:  ...10 11 -12- 13... 


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A chapter in the book My Reminders of LIfe 3

I Wish I Could

by Barb Hensongispsaca

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Most of the readers on this site know of the problems I have encountered in my life. Many were horrendous to the point that the suicide attempt was another of my problems I had to overcome. I trust that God had a reason for all the things He had seen me through, if for no other thought than that I want to tell others that they are not alone. They have the right to fight and that they are human beings, not trash. Like the old saying goes, "God does not make trash". I truly don't think there is a subject that you can't discuss that I have not lived through.

God took me through the writing of a book to help children find strength. I dedicated this in honor of my grandson who has more medical issues that 'Carter has little liver pills', as my Mama used to say. Would I wish that away? Never.

"Would you wish you'd never been married to your first husband?" I can hear most of you that know me wonder this.

For those that don't know me, I was married to a sadistic monster who gave me three wonderful children. To wish him away would be to wish my children away. I could never do that. Besides, because of my past, I am who I am today. What would I change? In answer, I would change a problem that has haunted me all my life.

As I was growing up, I was plagued with a lot of habits. These were of various styles that my Mother just assumed I acquired after my Father died when I was six years old. My relatives figured that the episode was so traumatic for me that I compensated by biting my fingernails, clicking my fingers, shrugging my shoulders, and a few others that were not as dramatic.

I could stop them for a little while, but when I became stressed, they came back to haunt me. I found out that I could change some of them to something not so noticeable, but I never lost them.

After I got married to Mr. Sadistic, he was sure he could beat the habits out of me. He tried very hard. Now, let me remind you that he was an abusive alcoholic that loved to beat me for no reason. Any excuse was just as good as the next. He decided that I would stop my habits or face his wrath. Believe me, I tried very hard. But the more I tried to stop, the more pronounced they became.

If I shrugged my shoulders, he would slam me into the wall. If I bit my fingernails, he would force soap down my throat. If I clicked my fingers, he would dislocate one. If I rolled my eyes, I wore sunglasses for a few weeks to hide the black and blue eyes. As I said, he tried very hard.

One day when I went to the doctor for a cold, I mentioned the habits. He sent me to Ohio State University for testing. After eight brutal hours, I was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. It finally had a name.

It did not stop the beatings, as I said, any excuse would suffice to hurt me, especially if he got drunk enough. But the knowledge that it had a name gave me life. I was told I would not be able to become a Paramedic. I became a paramedic. I was told I could not become a surgical nurse. Guess what? Yep, you got it.

I also recognized that my twin sons had Tourette's Syndrome. One was able to change his to something less noticeable, while the other enjoyed being the class clown.

The years are progressing and the malady is getting more pronounced. Children laugh and make fun, parents rush their children away for fear it might be catching, people don't want to go places with me, and I discovered that yelling 'damn' in church is frowned upon.

If I could change one thing, I would take away this malady, because I see no beneficial reason to have this annoying problem that can not be cured. My children would not have had it, the beatings would have been less, and I could go out in public without fear of being chastised by a grandmother that does not approve of my language.

Writing Prompt
If you could change one thing in your life past or present what it would it be and why

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According to Wikepedia:
Tourette's Syndrome, or TS, is a common neuropsychiatric disorder with onset in childhood, characterized by multiple motor tics and at least one vocal (phonic) tic. These tics characteristically wax and wane, can be suppressed temporarily, and are typically preceded by an unwanted urge or sensation in the affected muscles. Some common tics are eye blinking, coughing, throat clearing, sniffing, and facial movements. There is no cure, but the problem does intensify as one gets older.
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Artwork by cleo85 at FanArtReview.com

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