Characters:
Janice: 45 year old female; Maren’s best friend, divorced, has three adult children, lives alone; realtor
Bill: 44 year old male; Husband of Maren, secret lover of Janice, has three children, Architect

Act 2 scene 1
Setting: Living room of Janice’s house, about 9:50pm August 24, 2016.

Janice opens her front door carrying her purse and Victoria Secrets bag. She turns and waves.

Janice (yells): Have a goodnight or at least a hot one. Call me tomorrow.

Janice steps into the living room and closes the door behind her. She flicks on the lights and jumps.

Janice: Jesus!

Bill is sitting on the sofa, wearing a long trench coat and a smile. His feet are bare and his legs are crossed as he sits in a relaxed pose.

Bill: Now that’s what I like to hear. Maybe some moaning and Oh God I’m cummin’ too, but we’ll get there.

Janice turns, quickly glances through the small window in the door, and then turns back towards Bill. She sets her purse on a table and walks towards Bill with a shocked look on her face.

Janice: What are you doing here? Maren just dropped me off. She could have come in with me.

Bill stands, waves his hand in a dismissive manner and smiles.

Bill: Not a chance. It’s after nine and Maren is usually in bed by ten.

Janice: Then why are you here? I didn’t call you.

Bill: Why, because I wanted to give you a present, that’s why. (Looks down at the Victoria Secrets bag) I didn’t know you were out buying something naughty. I hope that’s for me.

Janice: This is… (Sighs) this is just something I… oh, never mind. You brought me a present?

Bill: Yeah, a big one.

Bill pulls the tie of his coat and opens his coat wide in front of Janice, with his side to the audience.
Janice opens and covers her mouth with her hands.
Bill smiles and pumps his hips.

Janice: God, Bill! Where are your clothes?

Bill: In the car.

Janice: Car… where’s your car? I didn’t see…

Bill: Relax. I parked around the block and walked here. And you’ll notice… the cold didn’t do anything to tame this monster hard-on. I guess you have your work cut out for you.

Janice closes her eyes and shakes her head.

Janice: Wait-a-minute. How did you… and your giant cock even get in here?

Bill grins, reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a silver key. He shows it to Janice and then puts it back into his pocket.

Bill: I know all your secrets. Including where you hide your spare key. Come on, babe, we’re wasting precious banging time. I know you want it. It’s been three days for both of us.

Janice: I can’t believe this. You broke into my house. You were sitting on my couch butt-ass naked with your wife, my best friend, right outside that door. What if she…

Bill throws up his hands.

Bill: What if she did? She’d probably think I came looking for her. We’ve been screwing for months now and she hasn’t figured it out. You may not have noticed but Maren isn’t the sharpest knife in the kitchen.

Janice steps forward and jabs her finger into Bill’s chest.

Janice (angrily): Don’t say that! Maren is plenty smart, and she’s my best friend so…

Bill (raising his voice): So what? She may be your best friend but you’re hardly hers. You don’t have friends, Janice. Neither do I. That takes a heart and morals and we don’t have those. What we do have are sex drives that perfectly match, two houses less than a mile apart, and…

Bill smiles, reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a small bottle.

Bill (cont.): A half-full bottle of anal lube. So why don’t we stop talking about my future ex-wife and you let me have some fun with my future wife?

Bill pumps his hips again.
Janice rolls her eyes and lowers her head.

Janice: Will you please cover that up?

Bill: Love to; do you prefer lips, pussy, or your sweet little ass?

Janice makes a fist.

Bill: Just kidding. (Walks forward and embraces Janice) Look, I know you care about Maren, so do I. Let’s not fight. I’ll… I’ll buy her some flowers or some chocolates. She likes those. Why don’t you slip into whatever slutty outfit you bought and let me make you feel better? It’s been awhile since I’ve tasted you. Hasn’t it?

Janice slowly reaches her hand into Bill’s pocket for a second and then pulls it out. She gently pulls away from Bill, looks into his eyes and smiles.

Janice: Yes it has, but you said some pretty mean things, so it’s going to take more than a few licks on this little kitty, even from your skilled tongue to make me purr.

Bill (smiling): Alright, alright, baby; whatever you want.

Janice drops the Victoria Secrets bag and begins slowly taking off her clothes.

Janice: It’s been a long time since we’ve role-played and you did come to deliver me a gift. Let’s play horny delivery man meets sexy house-wife. I’ll put on my new lingerie and you knock on the door with a special delivery for my little box.

Bill smiles, rubs his hands and heads for the door. He closes his coat and opens the door just as Janice steps out of her jeans. Bill looks back at Janice.
Janice pulls off her bra and tosses it aside. She turns towards Bill wearing only her panties.

Janice (smiling): Go on. You can’t see my slutty outfit until I open the door, and don’t forget to knock and say UPS.

Bill steps outside and closes the door.
Janice runs to the door and locks it. She opens her hand and tosses the spare key aside.

Janice: Future wife my ass!

Bill knocks on the door and rings the bell; Janice doesn’t answer. He knocks again and then begins to pound on the door.

Janice (yells): Go home, Bill. It’s over.

More sounds of pounding, and then a pause.

Bill (voice only): Open the door, Janice. Let’s talk about this.

Janice: We’re through, Bill. Leave or I call the police and tell them there’s a naked man with a huge dick and a bottle of anal lube pounding on my door.

Bill (voice only): You wouldn’t!

Janice: I have no morals, remember? Go home to your wife or go to jail. 

Janice stands by her door and listens. There are no further sounds. She sighs, lowers her head, and begins to cry.

Fade to black