Essay Non-Fiction posted September 13, 2016


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The Best Essay Ever Written

A Few Words from YUR Favorite Author

by michaelcahill


 
Well, It’s no longer a rumour. The days of whispering in the dark and worshiping me in secret are over. The shrines can come out of the cellar and right into the living room above the fireplace where all can enjoy them. Here's some material for you if you don't have ready access:


 photo michael movie star_zpsgknp9qpr.jpg photo mikey17_zpsfley87oe.jpgcandle burniing photo: Candle 171152oiaga56vct1.gifwashington monument photo: Washington monument DSC00059_zps35a95746.jpg photo blueembrace2_zpszynxcm3l.jpg
 photo mikeysept11picture_zpszsrpnjzw.jpg


 
IT IS OFFICIAL: Story of the month winner—Sir Michael Patrick Cahill, Esquire
 



 
I AM

THE GREATEST

AUTHOR

IN

THE WORLD!

 
 


I know, it feels good to me too. Of course you’ve been telling me for years. How many times do I have to hear I’m excellent or exceptional before I believe it? Hundreds of times? Thousands? I get it, okay? And, oh, Jay Squires, is it me who “needs improvement” or IS IT YOU? The people have SPOKEN! That is the fact that speaks for itself and that is what that is all about. That is what that’s revealing … that. Too many “that’s” in my work? That’s not what they think. That’s just you who thank that. And that’s that.
 
It’s a little humbling to tell the truth. Some people are speechless and find it awkward to find the words to express their admiration to me. Why, I just ran into Mark Fowler and he stared at me glassy-eyed and said, “It puts the lotion in the basket; it does this whenever it is told.” Well, I wasn’t sure what he even meant. I just thanked him and smiled. I understand awe and the inability to think clearly in the face of greatness. I have encountered mirrors. I just stare in awe myself.
 
I do want to offer special condolences to my friend Michaelk here. It’s got to be tough when all you have to look forward to is a publishing deal in the so-called “real world”. It’s not acclaim on a renowned specialty website based in one of the world’s premier metropolises’, New York, but it is hopefully some small solace to you. Maybe a little REAL acclaim and success will lessen the sting a bit.
 
Well, enough of the blistering wit and comic bon mots I’m noted for. I do have a point to all of this.
 
By now there are grumblings in the shadows, bitter private messages being shot back and forth and there may even be a thread started in the forum all bemoaning the assertion that the Story of the Month winner for this month may not be the most qualified nominee.
 
Of course, it’s usually those who didn’t win and that makes the whole complaining process seem like sour grapes, doesn’t it?
 
It’s been alleged that the various monthly “of the month” contests are nothing more than popularity coronations and they have nothing to do with the actual merit of the pieces. Well, gee whiz, you mean to tell me I may not have written the best of the ten pieces nominated this month?
 
Surely you aren’t insinuating that people voted for me simply because they happened to like me personally and find me to be an amusing fellow and a nice guy. Are you? I am the greatest writer in the world, aren’t I?


Just in case anyone thinks this is for real ... I'm KIDDING! Just having some fun.
 
Seriously, I am NOT the best story writer here at our little conclave. Ask anybody. ASK ME. That doesn’t mean I’m not a pretty decent writer. I do have my moments and this was one of them. The honor was being nominated. I do think myself worthy of the nomination and I’m thrilled to have received it.
 
The nominations for the “of the months” are somewhat objective and as professional as such things can be. I believe as much. I didn’t read an entry this month unworthy of nomination in any of the categories, POM, SOM and BOM. Were there pieces left off the lists just as worthy, maybe, probably. I’m sure there are people who have a legitimate gripe in that regard.
 
That aside, it’s an honour to be nominated and each nominee should feel honored and be accorded the proper respect for achieving it.
 
BUT, once the voting begins, it’s no different than any prompt or member created contest. Popularity rules the day. I sincerely doubt that every voter painstakingly read every entry and considered their merits seriously before voting. I know damn well a few of my buds saw the nominees and said, “Hey, my buddy Mikey got nominated. I’m voting for him!” Does anyone seriously believe that isn’t a huge part of the thinking going into the voting process?
 
The voting process is a POPULARITY CONTEST and merit has only a small role in the matter. I won the contest and I AM SAYING SO. Now, if I can admit it, surely it must be so, yes? If it would benefit anyone to pretend the vote was based on merit, it would be me. Well, it is not.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with popularity. Many authors here go way beyond the call of duty when it comes to assisting others with their writing, navigating the site and a whole host of problems writing and non-writing related. It's no wonder they're popular, they're pretty damned nice people. I don't see why anyone would begrudge them their due. 
 
There’s another issue with these contests. When votes are cast, a space to leave a comment is made available to those who wish to do so. Some folks take it upon themselves to use it as a platform to further their own agenda or simply insult the process or integrity of the other authors.
 
I’m sure we’ve all seen comments like, “Well, this was the best of the worst.”. How about, “Nothing compares to this.” My favorite, “This isn’t a contest, this is the best author on the site.”
 
Isn’t that lovely? How nice for the other entrants to read that they are terrible writers who don’t even belong in the contest unworthy to compete with the one true quality writer receiving a nomination. Are there people so totally ignorant and insensitive here they would take a simple monthly contest as an opportunity to hurt people’s feelings? What benefit could anyone gain? Is there joy to be gleaned from making others feel like two cents?
 
There’s no rule stating we have to be courteous and show an ounce of decency in our dealings with each other. It IS within site guidelines to be a pompous ass or a rude hurtful jackass. Remember, if it isn’t in a private message, it’s a public statement. Everything said in a review or a response to a review, in the forum or posted as a comment when you vote is there for every member to read. Of course, there’s that element of bravery when we’re spread out all over the world incognito. A little extra courage there, yes?
 
No one should feel put out by this. I can assure you, it doesn’t mean ANYONE thinks I’m a better writer than anyone else. I promise you, I don’t think such a thing. It doesn’t mean if you weren’t nominated that you aren’t an excellent writer or even a superior writer to me. You may well be. Indeed, you may be nominated next month and maybe your friends will vote you the winner. If not next month, then next year. I’ve been here over three years. That’s how long it took me.

Some here do win more often than others. I used to win more than my share back in the day. Yes, popularity is a factor. But skill and quality are a factor as well in many cases. Is there some suspicious activity going on in these contests? I expect there may be. I've always said, if we all voted, it would negate the small advantages achieved through petty backroom dealings.
 
None of this is the end of the world. It’s not life or death and it certainly isn’t worth losing sleep over. Keep writing and reviewing. Keep improving and learning. There are contests all over the place and they happen month after month after month. If they’re that important to you, keep entering and I guarantee you, you’ll win some.
 
I was thinking, since I’ve now reached an elevated status that perhaps “mikey” isn’t a dignified enough moniker to be used when addressing me. I thought I’d tie in the SOM initials as a constant reminder of my newly found grandeur. From now on, you may call me:
 
Sexy Omnipotent Maaaaaaan. Remember to hold that “A” out in “Maaaaaan”, that’s critical...
 
 
 
 
 
 

 


Recognized




This is not directed at ANYBODY. Since I've been accused of achievements based on popularity, I felt justified in speaking to the issue. Yes, it is absolutely true.

Once again, just in case anyone doesn't realize it, I AM KIDDING, I don't think I'm the greatest writer in the world or probably on my block. This is in fun except for the points about the contest and competition itself. I figured since I somehow managed to win one of these, it put me in a unique position to tell it like it is. Yes?

Jay Squires is one of the premiere reviewers here and has shown the patience of Job trying to get me to stop using "that" where it isn't needed.

Mark Fowler is one of the best authors on site bar none and we "grew up" together here.

Michaelk is another top author who's just signed a publishing deal in the REAL world, so I think I'm safe in saying he's not too worried about this little contest. Congrats again Michael!

They are all friends. At least they were before I wrote this. LOL!

Pays one point and 2 member cents.


Save to Bookcase Promote This Share or Bookmark
Print It View Reviews

You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.


© Copyright 2017. michaelcahill All rights reserved.
michaelcahill has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.