Humor Flash Fiction posted February 17, 2016


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Older woman gets fed up with younger one

The spider and Miss Wigglebottom

by GWHARGIS

Little Miss Wigglebottom, as Edna Lumpus had started to refer to her young co-worker, was a bonified waste of space. Miss Wigglebottom, whose given name was Caroline, wore clothes that we entirely inappropriate, touched up her hair and makeup at inopportune times, and had a very annoying habit of leaning over to reveal her ample bosom whenever male customers were in the shop.

She didn't do any real work. Edna's husband, Mr. Lumpus, said she was still too new. Good heavens, Edna had said, she can't even run the sweeper on the carpets. Still Mr. Lumpus told Edna to be patient.

"If it were up to me, her lazy tail would be out the door."

She looked over to see the girl leaning on the counter staring intently at her phone. Enough of this, Edna thought. "Caroline, run to the store room and bring some spindles for the rack."

Caroline forced a smile and tucked her phone into the front of her blouse. Edna sighed, thankful to be rid of the girl for a few minutes. A high pitched scream shattered the brief seconds of peace. The scream beat Caroline back to the front of the shop by only millisecond's.

"It nearly killed me. Oh my God! It was huge. You should have seen it's fangs!" Caroline cried.

Alarmed, Edna rushed to the young girl. "What on earth happened?"

Caroline fanned herself excitedly, pausing only long enough to imply a dinner plate sized killer. "It was a spider. It had hairy legs and it was looking at me."

Edna rolled her eyes. "That is ridiculous."

"It is not. You didn't see it."

Edna shook her head.

"Go back there then. See for yourself." Caroline pointed toward the back of the store.

Not to back down, Edna stalked back there and looked into the darkened room. She didn't see any spiders. She gathered her nerve and stepped inside. "I don't see anything," she called.

"Well, it was there."

She walked back to the front of the store. She didn't care what Mr. Lumpus said. It was time to give Miss Wigglebottom her walking papers. She put both hands on her hips and cleared her throat. "I can understand if you don't get on with the public or can't return change without the till telling you how much to give back," she said.

"Mrs. Lumpus ,"Caroline said.

"Young lady, I am not finished, I can handle that, but I give you a simple task and you can not even do that."

"Mrs. Lumpus, there's, a-a," she pointed at the older woman with a trembling finger.

"Caroline, please, this isn't easy. I'm afraid I am going to have to let you g-," Edna said, stopping abruptly as something dark and furry appeared right between her eyebrows. She crossed her eyes and whatever it was seemed to be looking right back at her. She was about to scream, as undignified as that would have been, but it struck out at her before she could.

Caroline screamed again, which caused Mr. Lumpus to come running from his office. "Bloody hell, what happened to Edna?"

"The spider bit her. I, I think she's dead."

Mr. Lumpus knelt down and checked for a pulse. Sure enough the woman was dead. He turned with searching eyes and looked up at the beautiful young girl. "What were her last words, Caroline?"

Caroline looked down at the woman who had made her life a living hell for the last six months. She leaned down and gently placed her hand on Mr. Lumpas's shoulder, going him ample time to enjoy the view. "She said she was going to ask you to give me a raise."


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Just another short one. They are starting to click. Feed back is very welcome. Thanks to cory.still for the perfect picture.
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