Spiritual Non-Fiction posted February 3, 2016


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Stupid Prayers

by Deniz22


Psalm 73:21-23: I was so foolish and ignorant;I was like a beast before You.
23 Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. 24 You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me to glory.

It would be stupid to pray now. It's too late! I'm going down for the final time, sinking in shame and humiliation. Just a moment ago I stepped out, confident and proud, the only one to accept His challenge. I felt that if He called me, I could not fail!

I had forgotten the lash of the wind, the height of the waves and the darkness of the night. He made me forget, just like He made me forget my sins, my ignorance and my temper at the first calling! It was always that way. He changed people, I tell you! Just to be near Him and hear Him ...

But it's too late for me now! I can't PRAY! After all, God only hears faithful people and I lost my faith. It's been blown away by the gusts of Galilee and wrecked on the sharp rocks of reality! Who have I been deceiving except myself? Me, a stupid fisherman with a big mouth and a tiny heart!

I've SHAMED HIM, don't you see? He said I would be a ROCK one day if I followed Him. Some rock ... sinking like a stone! I've failed Him and He won't save me now ... why should He?

Oh GOD, I can't stand it! JESUS! JESUS JESUS! Save me!

He's HERE! And all of a sudden we're back in the boat with the others. I try not to meet their eyes, yet I can't help but notice their reluctance to see mine as well. I'm cold, wet and beaten.

Yet I can't avoid HIS eyes, I never could, no one can. He hands me a wiping cloth, shakes His head sadly and says, "Why didn't you just keep believing? It's Me that's calling you."
And then He smiled at me.

Now I'm warm inside and I stop shivering. He said "calling", not called ... wonder of wonders, can it be that He's not done with me yet?

I hunker down in the ship, thinking back, thinking of the things He has said ... marvelous, amazing, stupendous things He has said. I remember the crowds hanging on every word ... the time the Temple guards came to arrest Him and were themselves taken prisoners by His gracious words. Those words were released straight from the vaults of power and truth found only in Him. Surely, like the would-be arresters of Christ said, "No one ever spoke like this man!"

Then the tears come. As they flow, they take with them my fear of failure and rejection, as I praise God for His kindness in sending His Son to a man like me. I don't understand it all but I know this; this One has the very words of eternal life. And He has chosen to still be in mine! I will never fail Him again!

The storm is gone, both of them, and we are calm and at peace now, in His presence. We worship Him, the Son of God, conqueror of all storms. Matthew 14:22-33


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Psalm 89:33 Nevertheless my lovingkindness will I not utterly take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail.

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