Biographical Non-Fiction posted November 28, 2015 | Chapters: | ...11 12 -13- 14... |
Finding My Roots
A chapter in the book The Quest
The Quest Part Thirteen
by Ulla
Previous.
I always knew that I was adopted, and in 2003 at the age of fifty one I set out to find my roots. I'm Danish, but I lived in Scotland at the time. After a short search, and with a lot of help from Denmark I located my birth mother in California.
I looked her up after travelling to Califonia and one day I stood on her footstep. She took me in and we hit it off right away. She is now telling me the story about my father.
The Quest Part Thirteen.
I was mesmerised. I now knew for a fact that I was half American, but I wanted to know so much more about ... well, about everything. In fact, I craved it, and I was not let down. What came next was mind blowing. Mum had not exaggerated when she said it would change everything, and have consequences for all of us.
She looked at me, and clearly wanted to carry on with the story, but I sensed that she struggled as if not quite knowing how to do that. I realised that emotions were taking over, so I leaned back in my chair indicating that I was ready to listen whenever she was ready to carry on.
It was getting dark ... and fast. However, the sweet scent of fresh blossom lingered on as the night was closing in. It was one of those mild evenings that only May could bring in this part of California. I sipped my wine, which we had brought out after finishing the coffee, and yet again I marvelled at the easy way mum and I seemed to have with each other. It was difficult to imagine that we had only ever met the day before.
Mum suddenly sat up straight, cleared her throat, and gave me her lopsided smile that I was to become so familiar with.
"Sorry, Ulla, but for a moment I was transported back in time, forgetting everything around me."
I inclined my head in acknowledgement, keen for her to carry on.
What she did next will forever stay with me. She lifted her glass to me, and gave me the sweetest smile. A smile so filled with love, an unmeasurable love which was reflected in her eyes as she gazed at me.
"As I said earlier, your father and I kept on seeing each other during the next few months after I'd moved back to Denmark. But, one beautiful day in late July, he told me that he would be going to South America for a time, not knowing when he would be back."
I looked at Mum, sensing more than seeing the emotions that must have run through her back then.
"Your father would be back in Denmark in early August before going to the other side of the world. He had requested some extra leave, so we could have some more time together.
"I was of course devastated, but I also realised that his going away was to be expected in his line of work.
"We spent a lovely time together, that last week. We went to a remote part of Denmark, and well, he showed me what the true meaning of love meant."
Mum looked as if in another world.
"We both promised to write to each other, and your father assured me that this didn't mean the end of what we had experienced.
"What happened next, Ulla, was beyond me though. I couldn't quite take it in, and I didn't know what to make of it."
I said nothing, knowing somehow that this was not the time to comment. I took another sip of my wine, and waited for mum to continue. I didn't have to wait long.
"Once your father had left, promising that we would write to each other, I started to look for work again. It was all very well to live with my mother, your grandmother, but we were starting to get on each other's nerves again.
"Meanwhile, I received a lovely letter from your father littered with beautiful descriptions of the faraway shores he was visiting. He told me how much he missed me, and I sent him a reply in kind. Oh, I missed him so.
"All in all it was not such a bad time, until the morning sickness set in. At first I didn't make much of it, but slowly it dawned on me what it might mean. Dear Lord, this cannot be happening to me. Please, please no, it can't be the case!
"But as time went on, and nothing changed, I had to face that I might be pregnant. I reluctantly went to my doctor, and once confirmed, it hit me like a sledgehammer. At first I thought what an idiot I've been. How could I have given in. Giving in to all those lovely words, and to the lovely time your Father and I had shared. But then again, I had no regrets. There was no doubt that I loved him, and I couldn't believe that he'd used me like that. I couldn't believe he didn't love me at all.
"I wrote him a letter and heard nothing. Then I wrote another, and I still had no reply. By now I started to get worried, and to be frank, I felt a stab of fear. Had I just been an easy amusement with no thought of the consequences? Oh, it was a hard pill to swallow. I kept asking my mother, your grandmother, whether there was a letter for me, but she always answered me in the negative."
"So what happened then?" I asked, looking Mum straight in the eye. "Come on, have a sip of your wine before you continue. I can see that this is not easy for you, and in a strange way I find it a bit difficult as well."
Mum leaned towards me, glass in hand. "Thanks, Ulla. You're right, it's more difficult than I realised as well. I haven't thought much about it for almost fifty years. Suppressing it I suppose. And now I'm suddenly reliving it all again."
Mum took a deep breath.
"Well, I was on my own and I had to figure out what to do next."
To be continued.
Previous.
I always knew that I was adopted, and in 2003 at the age of fifty one I set out to find my roots. I'm Danish, but I lived in Scotland at the time. After a short search, and with a lot of help from Denmark I located my birth mother in California.
I looked her up after travelling to Califonia and one day I stood on her footstep. She took me in and we hit it off right away. She is now telling me the story about my father.
The Quest Part Thirteen.
I was mesmerised. I now knew for a fact that I was half American, but I wanted to know so much more about ... well, about everything. In fact, I craved it, and I was not let down. What came next was mind blowing. Mum had not exaggerated when she said it would change everything, and have consequences for all of us.
She looked at me, and clearly wanted to carry on with the story, but I sensed that she struggled as if not quite knowing how to do that. I realised that emotions were taking over, so I leaned back in my chair indicating that I was ready to listen whenever she was ready to carry on.
It was getting dark ... and fast. However, the sweet scent of fresh blossom lingered on as the night was closing in. It was one of those mild evenings that only May could bring in this part of California. I sipped my wine, which we had brought out after finishing the coffee, and yet again I marvelled at the easy way mum and I seemed to have with each other. It was difficult to imagine that we had only ever met the day before.
Mum suddenly sat up straight, cleared her throat, and gave me her lopsided smile that I was to become so familiar with.
"Sorry, Ulla, but for a moment I was transported back in time, forgetting everything around me."
I inclined my head in acknowledgement, keen for her to carry on.
What she did next will forever stay with me. She lifted her glass to me, and gave me the sweetest smile. A smile so filled with love, an unmeasurable love which was reflected in her eyes as she gazed at me.
"As I said earlier, your father and I kept on seeing each other during the next few months after I'd moved back to Denmark. But, one beautiful day in late July, he told me that he would be going to South America for a time, not knowing when he would be back."
I looked at Mum, sensing more than seeing the emotions that must have run through her back then.
"Your father would be back in Denmark in early August before going to the other side of the world. He had requested some extra leave, so we could have some more time together.
"I was of course devastated, but I also realised that his going away was to be expected in his line of work.
"We spent a lovely time together, that last week. We went to a remote part of Denmark, and well, he showed me what the true meaning of love meant."
Mum looked as if in another world.
"We both promised to write to each other, and your father assured me that this didn't mean the end of what we had experienced.
"What happened next, Ulla, was beyond me though. I couldn't quite take it in, and I didn't know what to make of it."
I said nothing, knowing somehow that this was not the time to comment. I took another sip of my wine, and waited for mum to continue. I didn't have to wait long.
"Once your father had left, promising that we would write to each other, I started to look for work again. It was all very well to live with my mother, your grandmother, but we were starting to get on each other's nerves again.
"Meanwhile, I received a lovely letter from your father littered with beautiful descriptions of the faraway shores he was visiting. He told me how much he missed me, and I sent him a reply in kind. Oh, I missed him so.
"All in all it was not such a bad time, until the morning sickness set in. At first I didn't make much of it, but slowly it dawned on me what it might mean. Dear Lord, this cannot be happening to me. Please, please no, it can't be the case!
"But as time went on, and nothing changed, I had to face that I might be pregnant. I reluctantly went to my doctor, and once confirmed, it hit me like a sledgehammer. At first I thought what an idiot I've been. How could I have given in. Giving in to all those lovely words, and to the lovely time your Father and I had shared. But then again, I had no regrets. There was no doubt that I loved him, and I couldn't believe that he'd used me like that. I couldn't believe he didn't love me at all.
"I wrote him a letter and heard nothing. Then I wrote another, and I still had no reply. By now I started to get worried, and to be frank, I felt a stab of fear. Had I just been an easy amusement with no thought of the consequences? Oh, it was a hard pill to swallow. I kept asking my mother, your grandmother, whether there was a letter for me, but she always answered me in the negative."
"So what happened then?" I asked, looking Mum straight in the eye. "Come on, have a sip of your wine before you continue. I can see that this is not easy for you, and in a strange way I find it a bit difficult as well."
Mum leaned towards me, glass in hand. "Thanks, Ulla. You're right, it's more difficult than I realised as well. I haven't thought much about it for almost fifty years. Suppressing it I suppose. And now I'm suddenly reliving it all again."
Mum took a deep breath.
"Well, I was on my own and I had to figure out what to do next."
To be continued.
I always knew that I was adopted, and in 2003 at the age of fifty one I set out to find my roots. I'm Danish, but I lived in Scotland at the time. After a short search, and with a lot of help from Denmark I located my birth mother in California.
I looked her up after travelling to Califonia and one day I stood on her footstep. She took me in and we hit it off right away. She is now telling me the story about my father.
The Quest Part Thirteen.
I was mesmerised. I now knew for a fact that I was half American, but I wanted to know so much more about ... well, about everything. In fact, I craved it, and I was not let down. What came next was mind blowing. Mum had not exaggerated when she said it would change everything, and have consequences for all of us.
She looked at me, and clearly wanted to carry on with the story, but I sensed that she struggled as if not quite knowing how to do that. I realised that emotions were taking over, so I leaned back in my chair indicating that I was ready to listen whenever she was ready to carry on.
It was getting dark ... and fast. However, the sweet scent of fresh blossom lingered on as the night was closing in. It was one of those mild evenings that only May could bring in this part of California. I sipped my wine, which we had brought out after finishing the coffee, and yet again I marvelled at the easy way mum and I seemed to have with each other. It was difficult to imagine that we had only ever met the day before.
Mum suddenly sat up straight, cleared her throat, and gave me her lopsided smile that I was to become so familiar with.
"Sorry, Ulla, but for a moment I was transported back in time, forgetting everything around me."
I inclined my head in acknowledgement, keen for her to carry on.
What she did next will forever stay with me. She lifted her glass to me, and gave me the sweetest smile. A smile so filled with love, an unmeasurable love which was reflected in her eyes as she gazed at me.
"As I said earlier, your father and I kept on seeing each other during the next few months after I'd moved back to Denmark. But, one beautiful day in late July, he told me that he would be going to South America for a time, not knowing when he would be back."
I looked at Mum, sensing more than seeing the emotions that must have run through her back then.
"Your father would be back in Denmark in early August before going to the other side of the world. He had requested some extra leave, so we could have some more time together.
"I was of course devastated, but I also realised that his going away was to be expected in his line of work.
"We spent a lovely time together, that last week. We went to a remote part of Denmark, and well, he showed me what the true meaning of love meant."
Mum looked as if in another world.
"We both promised to write to each other, and your father assured me that this didn't mean the end of what we had experienced.
"What happened next, Ulla, was beyond me though. I couldn't quite take it in, and I didn't know what to make of it."
I said nothing, knowing somehow that this was not the time to comment. I took another sip of my wine, and waited for mum to continue. I didn't have to wait long.
"Once your father had left, promising that we would write to each other, I started to look for work again. It was all very well to live with my mother, your grandmother, but we were starting to get on each other's nerves again.
"Meanwhile, I received a lovely letter from your father littered with beautiful descriptions of the faraway shores he was visiting. He told me how much he missed me, and I sent him a reply in kind. Oh, I missed him so.
"All in all it was not such a bad time, until the morning sickness set in. At first I didn't make much of it, but slowly it dawned on me what it might mean. Dear Lord, this cannot be happening to me. Please, please no, it can't be the case!
"But as time went on, and nothing changed, I had to face that I might be pregnant. I reluctantly went to my doctor, and once confirmed, it hit me like a sledgehammer. At first I thought what an idiot I've been. How could I have given in. Giving in to all those lovely words, and to the lovely time your Father and I had shared. But then again, I had no regrets. There was no doubt that I loved him, and I couldn't believe that he'd used me like that. I couldn't believe he didn't love me at all.
"I wrote him a letter and heard nothing. Then I wrote another, and I still had no reply. By now I started to get worried, and to be frank, I felt a stab of fear. Had I just been an easy amusement with no thought of the consequences? Oh, it was a hard pill to swallow. I kept asking my mother, your grandmother, whether there was a letter for me, but she always answered me in the negative."
"So what happened then?" I asked, looking Mum straight in the eye. "Come on, have a sip of your wine before you continue. I can see that this is not easy for you, and in a strange way I find it a bit difficult as well."
Mum leaned towards me, glass in hand. "Thanks, Ulla. You're right, it's more difficult than I realised as well. I haven't thought much about it for almost fifty years. Suppressing it I suppose. And now I'm suddenly reliving it all again."
Mum took a deep breath.
"Well, I was on my own and I had to figure out what to do next."
To be continued.
Recognized |
Thank you to avmurray for the use of the art work.
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Artwork by avmurray at FanArtReview.com
You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.
© Copyright 2024. Ulla All rights reserved. Registered copyright with FanStory.
Ulla has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.