If I could miss you more, I would. But because the depth of loss is deeper than my ability to understand great grieving, I miss you only as much as is humanly possible.

If I could help your Mom and Dad through this blind and cold tunnel of acceptance, I would. But, their level of pain is much greater than my ability to warm and give light to their transition.

If I could change the last years of your life here with us, I would. I would ask God to heal you and protect you from the storms of denial and despair. But, I could not change what was not mine to change.

If I could have loved you more, I would have. If I could have saved you from the lightning strikes of worry and quiet desperation, I would have.

But, since my job was but to love the man, the friend, the son, the person,you were, I feel complete.

Your life mattered. It matters still.

We all have tears enough to wash away the constant sorrow, but we have hope enough to live for brighter days. We have God's promise that this life is not the end.

We rest in the truth of that promise.

But, if I could love you more, I would, my friend.