Humor Poetry posted October 5, 2015


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A Middle-aged white guy tries his hand at rap

Amuse Yourself

by Mark Valentine

( to the beat of Eminem's "Lose Yourself")

Look…

If you had…

But five member dollars…

In your fanstory account…

And there was a contest…

Would you enter...

Or just let it slip?
 
(DUM dum dum dum dum DUM dum dum dum dum DUM dum dum dum dum DUM dum dum dum dum)
 
The fans ignore ‘im, he has no forum,
Still he tries to drop rhymes like Robyn Corum.
But they’re the same lame poems ‘bout Rick Santorum.
And he keeps on forgetting how to win a contest,
He’s got no “All Time Bests”,
He won’t let his mind rest, ‘til he has a conquest.
Deadline’s comin now, but he don’t know how
To write a kyrielle -  wow- time’s up – kapow!
 
It just wasn’t meant to be – he’s a non-entity,
He keeps seein’ “no votes” next to his entry.
His losing streak’s going on close to a century.
It should be elementary - but it’s not.
Though he writes a lot, it’s a bunch of rot,
Plus he just forgot to reserve a spot,
So he’s got no shot to win the contest pot,
So he better forget it, and set it on the shelf,
And go back to writing his stuff for himself.
 
(Chorus)
You better amuse yourself with your poetry although it be
Something the world will never know (Ho).
You’ll never get one shot, do not quit your day job, (Yo)
Such opportunities come once in a lifetime.
So just amuse yourself with your poetry although it be
Something reviewers find so-so (Ho).
Better keep what you got, do not quit your day job. (Yo)
Do you want to upset the status quo? No!
 
 
He’s on a mission to pay his kids’ tuition
So that their dreams can come to fruition,
And all this ambition for writin’ fiction
Is empty wishin’ – no time for fishin,
He best not quit his current position.
So don’t be a prima donna – love your mama,
Write because you wanna – don’t pose cuz you’re never gonna
Be Hemingway. Don’t care what they say,
Write for fun and do your day job for pay.
 
(Chorus)
You better amuse yourself with your poetry although it be
Something the world will never know (Ho)
You’ll never get one shot, do not quit your day job, (Yo)
Such opportunities come once in a lifetime.
So just amuse yourself with your poetry although it be
Something reviewers find so-so (Ho)
Better keep what you got, do not quit your day job (Yo).
Do you want to upset the status quo? No!
 
The difficult takes time. The impossible, by definition, can’t be done man.

 


Recognized


Tongue in cheek - Just speaking for myself here. But if anyone out there wants to offer me a contract...
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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© Copyright 2017. Mark Valentine All rights reserved.
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