My one but youngest sister was called Janneke. She committed suicide at 27 years of age.

She had been traumatised in the first grade of primary school, as she was sent out of the class for something she did not do. Afterwards one could notice, she changed and did not look cheerful anymore on photos.

As a teenager she became anorectic and bulimic. A few years later she was admitted to a special Belgian clinic, if I remember correctly. Later in the day-hospital in a hospital where I had worked. Robert and I tried to go and see the psychologist that knew her, but black ice prevented us. When I phoned her she sounded angry, so we never made a next appointment.

She stayed with us in Scotland for some time. She left out of the blue.
Somewhat later she came to our house in the South of Holland. When she hit my dog, I asked her to leave. She had also made us feel uncomfortable in our own house, because she and her boyfriend went upstairs very frequently .

She sometime made serious suicide attempts with tablets my mother had, in case she wanted them for euthanasia. She was in coma in hospital for three weeks.

A few years later we visited my mother and saw Janneke too. Shortly afterwards I had three nightmares about her suicide. I woke Robert and wanted to phone my parents, he stopped me and it would not have helped, as she took tablets another day. I was fuming because my mother had made a secret next supply in an other place.

Shortly before she did this she phoned me to recommend a good Psychiatrist. I recommended one female I had trained with in the past. She saw her once, and cancelled the next appointment.
What she had told her I don't know. We wondered about a sexual trauma. I phoned her to apologise for referring my sister and leaving her with a successful suicide. Afterwards this colleague completely ignored me.

The police came to investigate an unnatural death. They did not question my parents, but her boyfriend, who was lying next to her.

I still miss her; she was my favourite from the two younger ones.