| Humor Fiction posted February 27, 2015 |
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Short Story-Word Count 616
Finding A Suitable Position
by michaelcahill
July 7, 2014
Letter of recommendation for Lucinda Vander Meer:
To whom it may concern,
Lucinda "Loosey" Vander Meer will be sorely missed here at our firm. We hired her on six years ago giving her the benefit of the doubt regarding her past employment history. There is often bitterness involved losing an employee with Lucinda's special skills. We chose to ignore the wild accusations hurled at her by her former employer. We were glad we did. I mean, c'mon, if she embezzled the amount of money they claimed she did, then why would she even need a job?
As she leaves us now, we certainly understand how a previous employer might be upset. We try to be objective in these matters. She has made the choice to conquer new vistas and though it will bring a new somber and quiet mood to the office, we wish her well.
Her duties included filing, answering phones and arranging social events for the firm. She could often be found working overtime going well beyond the call of duty helping one of our salesman hone his presentation skills. We always say, a satisfied salesman is a productive salesman.
We are compelled to mention that Lucinda is under a gag order from the courts as part of a company settlement in a fraud case adjudicated last year. If you use polygraphs to screen new employees, you may find her answers suspicious. Rest assured she is court ordered to respond as she does and is not intentionally lying. All funds were restored, full restitution was made and the matter is considered closed. Most employment applications ask, "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" Since all terms of probation were met and her charges reduced to a misdemeanor, she would be correct in answering, "no" as her record would indicate the same.
She requires two days a year off for religious reasons, July 13th, which apparently is the day the Lord cast Lucifer out of Heaven, and November 23, which is "A World Without Kennedy" day. I'm not sure of the religious significance of the latter, but I'm sure you'll agree it is best to be flexible in these matters.
Feel free to call if you have any questions. Her positions here are always waiting should she wish to reassume them.
Warm regards,
Bubba Beezle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
July 12, 2014
Thank you letter to Bubba Beezle
Beezle Bubba Vibrating Baubles and Beeds, Inc.
Dear Mr. Beezle,
Thank you for your recent letter of recommendation for Ms. Vander Meer,
Miss Frigidine interviewed her initially and found her unsuitable for the position she applied for, which was an assistant for her. Miss Frigidine is big on "skills" and "ability" and interviews prospective employees with an eye towards "proficiency" and "suitability" for the tasks at hand.
I happened to see Loosey standing by the elevator and something about her intrigued me. To be able to tie one's shoes without bending one's knees isn't truly an office skill, but I always have an eye out for unique abilities. An individual who shows promise in one area often has abilities in many others.
I brought her into my office and described various positions available here at our firm. She seemed eager to learn and I began instruction immediately. There wasn't a position she didn't seem to take to with great instinct. Her adaptability was extraordinary and her learning capacity right off the charts.
I appreciate the candor of your letter and I decided to forego our usual screening process. I'm in the process of teaching her the ins and outs of my operation and she is performing way above expectations. I am most pleased.
Regards,
Nastacio Oldman
Letter of Reference contest entry
July 7, 2014
Letter of recommendation for Lucinda Vander Meer:
To whom it may concern,
Lucinda "Loosey" Vander Meer will be sorely missed here at our firm. We hired her on six years ago giving her the benefit of the doubt regarding her past employment history. There is often bitterness involved losing an employee with Lucinda's special skills. We chose to ignore the wild accusations hurled at her by her former employer. We were glad we did. I mean, c'mon, if she embezzled the amount of money they claimed she did, then why would she even need a job?
As she leaves us now, we certainly understand how a previous employer might be upset. We try to be objective in these matters. She has made the choice to conquer new vistas and though it will bring a new somber and quiet mood to the office, we wish her well.
Her duties included filing, answering phones and arranging social events for the firm. She could often be found working overtime going well beyond the call of duty helping one of our salesman hone his presentation skills. We always say, a satisfied salesman is a productive salesman.
We are compelled to mention that Lucinda is under a gag order from the courts as part of a company settlement in a fraud case adjudicated last year. If you use polygraphs to screen new employees, you may find her answers suspicious. Rest assured she is court ordered to respond as she does and is not intentionally lying. All funds were restored, full restitution was made and the matter is considered closed. Most employment applications ask, "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" Since all terms of probation were met and her charges reduced to a misdemeanor, she would be correct in answering, "no" as her record would indicate the same.
She requires two days a year off for religious reasons, July 13th, which apparently is the day the Lord cast Lucifer out of Heaven, and November 23, which is "A World Without Kennedy" day. I'm not sure of the religious significance of the latter, but I'm sure you'll agree it is best to be flexible in these matters.
Feel free to call if you have any questions. Her positions here are always waiting should she wish to reassume them.
Warm regards,
Bubba Beezle
Letter of recommendation for Lucinda Vander Meer:
To whom it may concern,
Lucinda "Loosey" Vander Meer will be sorely missed here at our firm. We hired her on six years ago giving her the benefit of the doubt regarding her past employment history. There is often bitterness involved losing an employee with Lucinda's special skills. We chose to ignore the wild accusations hurled at her by her former employer. We were glad we did. I mean, c'mon, if she embezzled the amount of money they claimed she did, then why would she even need a job?
As she leaves us now, we certainly understand how a previous employer might be upset. We try to be objective in these matters. She has made the choice to conquer new vistas and though it will bring a new somber and quiet mood to the office, we wish her well.
Her duties included filing, answering phones and arranging social events for the firm. She could often be found working overtime going well beyond the call of duty helping one of our salesman hone his presentation skills. We always say, a satisfied salesman is a productive salesman.
We are compelled to mention that Lucinda is under a gag order from the courts as part of a company settlement in a fraud case adjudicated last year. If you use polygraphs to screen new employees, you may find her answers suspicious. Rest assured she is court ordered to respond as she does and is not intentionally lying. All funds were restored, full restitution was made and the matter is considered closed. Most employment applications ask, "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" Since all terms of probation were met and her charges reduced to a misdemeanor, she would be correct in answering, "no" as her record would indicate the same.
She requires two days a year off for religious reasons, July 13th, which apparently is the day the Lord cast Lucifer out of Heaven, and November 23, which is "A World Without Kennedy" day. I'm not sure of the religious significance of the latter, but I'm sure you'll agree it is best to be flexible in these matters.
Feel free to call if you have any questions. Her positions here are always waiting should she wish to reassume them.
Warm regards,
Bubba Beezle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
July 12, 2014
Thank you letter to Bubba Beezle
Beezle Bubba Vibrating Baubles and Beeds, Inc.
Dear Mr. Beezle,
Thank you for your recent letter of recommendation for Ms. Vander Meer,
Miss Frigidine interviewed her initially and found her unsuitable for the position she applied for, which was an assistant for her. Miss Frigidine is big on "skills" and "ability" and interviews prospective employees with an eye towards "proficiency" and "suitability" for the tasks at hand.
I happened to see Loosey standing by the elevator and something about her intrigued me. To be able to tie one's shoes without bending one's knees isn't truly an office skill, but I always have an eye out for unique abilities. An individual who shows promise in one area often has abilities in many others.
I brought her into my office and described various positions available here at our firm. She seemed eager to learn and I began instruction immediately. There wasn't a position she didn't seem to take to with great instinct. Her adaptability was extraordinary and her learning capacity right off the charts.
I appreciate the candor of your letter and I decided to forego our usual screening process. I'm in the process of teaching her the ins and outs of my operation and she is performing way above expectations. I am most pleased.
Regards,
Nastacio Oldman
Thank you letter to Bubba Beezle
Beezle Bubba Vibrating Baubles and Beeds, Inc.
Dear Mr. Beezle,
Thank you for your recent letter of recommendation for Ms. Vander Meer,
Miss Frigidine interviewed her initially and found her unsuitable for the position she applied for, which was an assistant for her. Miss Frigidine is big on "skills" and "ability" and interviews prospective employees with an eye towards "proficiency" and "suitability" for the tasks at hand.
I happened to see Loosey standing by the elevator and something about her intrigued me. To be able to tie one's shoes without bending one's knees isn't truly an office skill, but I always have an eye out for unique abilities. An individual who shows promise in one area often has abilities in many others.
I brought her into my office and described various positions available here at our firm. She seemed eager to learn and I began instruction immediately. There wasn't a position she didn't seem to take to with great instinct. Her adaptability was extraordinary and her learning capacity right off the charts.
I appreciate the candor of your letter and I decided to forego our usual screening process. I'm in the process of teaching her the ins and outs of my operation and she is performing way above expectations. I am most pleased.
Regards,
Nastacio Oldman
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