There is an old saying from the Mafiosi in Sicily, "Revenge is a dish best served cold".

However, in Texas, just the opposite applies when it comes to dishing out homespun, front porch rocking chair philosophy. It is available in every hamlet from Dallas to Odessa and completely free of charge. In every truck stop and diner you will always get a heaping helping of Texas wit and wisdom, right along with your bacon, eggs and grits; with no preplanning or advanced thinking on the part of the giver.

From Plato to Sun Tzu, pound-for-pound, Texas has more self-proclaimed philosophers than ticks on a blue hound (take my word for it, that's a boatload of philosophers). The Baptists and Methodists alone count for more than half of them. They are full of fried chicken, Psalm singing and philosophizing.

Having lived in the Lone Star state (which folks here refer to as "God's Country") lo these many years, I have learned two very important things, keep my powder dry and my passport current.

According to the history books, Texas joined the Union in December of 1845 and became the 28th state. I should qualify this by saying 'most' US history books. I would not be at all surprised if Texas history books still refer to it as a Republic. Those cheeky bastards are stubborn as hell and tend to rewrite history to their liking.

On the seventh day when God was supposed to be resting, it appears, for kicks and giggles, he decided to create Texans. Now, I would never imply that the great deity imbibes, so I can only conclude that he was exhausted from his previous six days of creating the universe. What other explanation could there be for his producing such unique critters as Texans? Native Texans are full of old wives' tales and sayings for just about any topic imaginable.

Below are some examples of the kinds of responses a Texan might give you on certain topics:

If something is acceptable, a Texan may say, "Might as well. Can't dance, never could sing, and it's too wet to plow". (My humble opinion is that they are giving into whatever request has been made of them).

For some reason, weather is a major subject in Texas. I guess when you live in a state where the weather changes on a dime, and straight-line winds can blow you to hell and gone, it is understandable that people would have a preoccupation with climate. They have their own original way of expressing themselves on this topic.

Example: When there is a dry spell it might be said; "It's so dry the Baptists are sprinkling, the Methodists are spitting, and the Catholics are giving rain checks."

Texas, being part of the Bible belt, makes this particular saying more significant to those who understand the major role religion plays in everyday life in these parts. In Texas, and throughout the South, people put great store by their denomination. It is one of the first things they will tell you about themselves, and their first question to you will most likely be, "what church do you attend." They just assume everyone is affiliated with a house of worship. I always dread that question, as I have not been inside a church since "God wore knickers."

If the conversation turns to the heat, it could be said, "it's hotter than a fur coat in Marfa". By way of explanation, Marfa is a "piss ant" desert town (that is a really small Texas town), located in West Texas, and it can get as high as 108 degrees in the summer months. This would make a fur coat superfluous.

A Texas Politician, when on the campaign stump, generally likes to show that he is one of the folks by referring to his humble beginnings. For instance, he might say his family was so poor that they were, "too poor to paint, and too proud to whitewash."

Most Texans pride themselves in "shooting from the hip", meaning they are straight talkers and don't mince words. In calling someone a liar, they would say, "he's such a liar he'd beat you senseless and tell God you fell off a horse. " I don't think you can get more direct than that folks.

Someone I held in very high regard was Molly Ivins. Molly was a newspaper columnist, author, liberal political commentator, and humorist. She was based in Texas, and both loved and made fun of her state, its culture and politicians.

Molly had a sharp wit and she was a take-no-prisoners critic of what she considered silly, outrageous or unfair.

I think we can certainly count Molly among the best and most famous of Texas philosophers. Her rapier wit and downhome wisdom put her in a class all by herself.

George W. Bush was a frequent target of Molly's barbs. In my opinion she had a whole lot of material to work with when it came to GW. Below are just a few examples of what Molly had to say on the subjects of George W. Bush and Texas politics.

Molly likened George W. Bush to a "post turtle." This comes from an old joke, which goes as follows:

An old rancher is talking about politics with a young man from the city. He compares a politician to a "post turtle". The young man doesn't understand and asks him what a post turtle is.

The old man says, "When you're driving down a country road and you see a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get up there by himself. He doesn't belong there; he can't get anything done while he's up there; and you just want to help the poor, dumb thing down."

"Of Bush's credentials as an economic conservative, there is no question at all--he owes his political life to big corporate money; he's a CEO's wet dream. He carries their water, he's stumpbroke--however you put it, George W. Bush is a wholly owned subsidiary of corporate America. ... We can find no evidence that it has ever occurred to him to question whether it is wise to do what big business wants." -- Molly Ivins

"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." (On George W. Bush) -- Molly Ivins

"As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office." -- Molly Ivins

"I think provincialism is an endemic characteristic with mankind, I think everybody everywhere is provincial, but it is particularly striking with Texans, and we tend to be very Texcentric." -- Molly Ivins

"Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair's-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother?" -- Molly Ivins

Molly Ivins was a prime example of no-holds-barred, straight from the horse's mouth Texas philosophy.

I don't think the toga and sandal wearing Plato or the armor-clade warrior Sun Tzu had anything on Texans when it came to stepping up and speaking out, with one glaring exception, the ancient philosophers tended to put their brains in gear before engaging their mouths. Texans, on the other hand, do not always apply this rule when they are engaging in public discourse. All one has to do is look at the track record of the Texas governor's office and its legislative body. The amount of bullshit and just plain stupid that has tumbled from their collective mouths is enough proof to substantiate this statement.

Living in this state, that feels more like a foreign country, I tend to embrace Molly's philosophy that ... "What you need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority."

I have steadfastly withheld my 'respect' for the political farce known as Texas politics, with special attention given to the governor's office where the head clown resides.