| Humor Fiction posted September 29, 2014 |
  |
Short Story
The All-New Elevator 2059
by michaelcahill
Takum Forevreethin had no problem testing the Elevator. It could be a big money maker if it worked. He had his doubts though. After an hour, his doubts had faded away and been replaced by complete belief. "If I become any happier, I'm going to shoot myself. I never thought that an Elevator could be a bad thing. For God's sake, how could improving one's mood and outlook be detrimental? I swear though, there is a limit to everything. I see a fly walking up the glass outside of this wonderful thing and I want to sing to it. I think I will,
You are a winner, keep your wings up
there is a big turd, laid by some pup
there is a purpose that life has for you
you are a hero, now go smell some poo!
Please! Why won't anyone listen? Get me out of here. I'm singing to a cute-as-button housefly. I love him sooooooo much. Aw, I think he liked my song. He's smiling at me. The world is such a wondrous place."
"Should we let him out? He seems to be losing it." Blando 44 didn't turn his head when he spoke. He didn't make eye contact. He was a tech and had no discernable personality. He was not a product of selective gene breeding. It was just his nature.
"No! Leave him stuck in there. I want to see what this baby can do. Whoooo. Hooooo. Can you imagine this on a global scale? We could make the world so damn happy that they'd be pleased to bend over and have Mega Everything Mart screw them." Shyster Shenanigans had been the head lollygagger in charge of ridiculous schemes and nefarious inventions for over a year now. This was his bambino. The Elevator. It was a chamber that bombarded the brain with stimulating pheromones and whoremoans, making anyone that entered it silly with happiness and love. It made nitrous oxide look like an antique toke of swag from the glory days of maryjane.
Takum kept talking in a rapturous voice, "Oh, could some one play some reruns of 'The Nanny'? I just love the sound of Fran Drescher's voice. Oh yeah... like butter melting in a saucepan. I know! Phil Collins. That's what I need. "You Can't Hurry Love". Oh please, play me that song. It's soooooo true." He began weeping. "You can't hurry love. That's right, Phil, I never realized just how deep and touching that song was. I love you so much, Phil. Shy! Give my house to the homeless. Hurry, it may rain today... " He continued on with a look on his face that was similiar to what an eight-year old impoverished girl might have watching the end of "Old Yeller". It looked strange on him, not strange like "Strange Brew" by Cream, strange like an illegal alien at Republican fundraiser.
"Shy, surely that is enough. I can feel it. I can feel it, Shy. Daaiiisy, Daaa...iiii....ssss....yyy." Blando 44 sat in a chair.
"Naw. I haven't been this entertained since... since... crap, they don't pay me to be clever."
"But Shy, aren't you worried that he's the boss? I mean, you have the boss in your Elevator singing to a housefly. I'd be pissed when I got out. Just sayin… " Ms. Silicones Vallee, everyone called her Squeaks due to some multiple site plastic surgery, was having an affair with the boss. Everyone knew it, the sound was deafening. Her interest was not humanitarian.
"Who said you could call me Shy? Read my hips, PPHHHHRRRRRGGGGGGT. He ain't the boss no more, I am. This is old Taykum Forevreethin's last day on the job. The Elevator is sending him to happy land. Okay, he's been stuck in the Elevator long enough. Let him out."
"Whew. That was so beautiful. I just loved that. I want everyone to enjoy the thrill and ecstasy of the ecstatic thrilling joy of… Hey, Shy! My dear friend, I want production started on this Elevator just as soon as you feel like it. If you're tired, take a nap. Are you hungry? Can I bake you a pie? Oh, oh… red velvet cake. Yes… "
"Taykum, go home now. This is my company now. Thanks for letting me have it."
"Oh Shy. I just love a young man with manners. Yes, my dear wife must miss me. I'll surprise her! She will be so happy to see me. I love her so much. Thank you Shy. Oh dear, your kindness has made me a little misty. Oh dear."
"I want Elevator's installed in every mall in America. Today, America, tomorrow- The World!"
Epilogue:
Shy's plan backfired. Everyone in the world fell in love with each other. Shy owned everything on earth and nobody cared. He was acknowledged as the omnipotent ruler of the earth, but he didn't have anybody to enforce his will. He finally entered the Elevator on October 2nd, 2061. It was Gandhi's birthday, an international holiday.
Stuck in an elevator writing prompt entry
Takum Forevreethin had no problem testing the Elevator. It could be a big money maker if it worked. He had his doubts though. After an hour, his doubts had faded away and been replaced by complete belief. "If I become any happier, I'm going to shoot myself. I never thought that an Elevator could be a bad thing. For God's sake, how could improving one's mood and outlook be detrimental? I swear though, there is a limit to everything. I see a fly walking up the glass outside of this wonderful thing and I want to sing to it. I think I will,
You are a winner, keep your wings up
there is a big turd, laid by some pup
there is a purpose that life has for you
you are a hero, now go smell some poo!
Please! Why won't anyone listen? Get me out of here. I'm singing to a cute-as-button housefly. I love him sooooooo much. Aw, I think he liked my song. He's smiling at me. The world is such a wondrous place."
"Should we let him out? He seems to be losing it." Blando 44 didn't turn his head when he spoke. He didn't make eye contact. He was a tech and had no discernable personality. He was not a product of selective gene breeding. It was just his nature.
"No! Leave him stuck in there. I want to see what this baby can do. Whoooo. Hooooo. Can you imagine this on a global scale? We could make the world so damn happy that they'd be pleased to bend over and have Mega Everything Mart screw them." Shyster Shenanigans had been the head lollygagger in charge of ridiculous schemes and nefarious inventions for over a year now. This was his bambino. The Elevator. It was a chamber that bombarded the brain with stimulating pheromones and whoremoans, making anyone that entered it silly with happiness and love. It made nitrous oxide look like an antique toke of swag from the glory days of maryjane.
Takum kept talking in a rapturous voice, "Oh, could some one play some reruns of 'The Nanny'? I just love the sound of Fran Drescher's voice. Oh yeah... like butter melting in a saucepan. I know! Phil Collins. That's what I need. "You Can't Hurry Love". Oh please, play me that song. It's soooooo true." He began weeping. "You can't hurry love. That's right, Phil, I never realized just how deep and touching that song was. I love you so much, Phil. Shy! Give my house to the homeless. Hurry, it may rain today... " He continued on with a look on his face that was similiar to what an eight-year old impoverished girl might have watching the end of "Old Yeller". It looked strange on him, not strange like "Strange Brew" by Cream, strange like an illegal alien at Republican fundraiser.
"Shy, surely that is enough. I can feel it. I can feel it, Shy. Daaiiisy, Daaa...iiii....ssss....yyy." Blando 44 sat in a chair.
"Naw. I haven't been this entertained since... since... crap, they don't pay me to be clever."
"But Shy, aren't you worried that he's the boss? I mean, you have the boss in your Elevator singing to a housefly. I'd be pissed when I got out. Just sayin… " Ms. Silicones Vallee, everyone called her Squeaks due to some multiple site plastic surgery, was having an affair with the boss. Everyone knew it, the sound was deafening. Her interest was not humanitarian.
"Who said you could call me Shy? Read my hips, PPHHHHRRRRRGGGGGGT. He ain't the boss no more, I am. This is old Taykum Forevreethin's last day on the job. The Elevator is sending him to happy land. Okay, he's been stuck in the Elevator long enough. Let him out."
"Whew. That was so beautiful. I just loved that. I want everyone to enjoy the thrill and ecstasy of the ecstatic thrilling joy of… Hey, Shy! My dear friend, I want production started on this Elevator just as soon as you feel like it. If you're tired, take a nap. Are you hungry? Can I bake you a pie? Oh, oh… red velvet cake. Yes… "
"Taykum, go home now. This is my company now. Thanks for letting me have it."
"Oh Shy. I just love a young man with manners. Yes, my dear wife must miss me. I'll surprise her! She will be so happy to see me. I love her so much. Thank you Shy. Oh dear, your kindness has made me a little misty. Oh dear."
"I want Elevator's installed in every mall in America. Today, America, tomorrow- The World!"
Epilogue:
Shy's plan backfired. Everyone in the world fell in love with each other. Shy owned everything on earth and nobody cared. He was acknowledged as the omnipotent ruler of the earth, but he didn't have anybody to enforce his will. He finally entered the Elevator on October 2nd, 2061. It was Gandhi's birthday, an international holiday.
|
Writing Prompt Write a short story. The topic is: Stuck in an elevator! |
Well... it is a different take on the old worn out prompt. My parrot, Seemore, wrote this.
"an antique toke of swag from the glory days of maryjane"-- a puff of cheap marijuana
"The Nanny" was an American television show starring Fran Drescher. She was noted for having perhaps the most irritating voice of all time.
Phil Collins recorded "You Can't Hurry Love" and his head bobs back and forth in the video when he sings it. I hate it in a very irrational way.
"Old Yeller" is an old Walt Disney movie with a sad ending guaranteed to draw tears.
"Strange Brew"-- great music by one of the great rock and roll bands of all time. CREAM! Can you dig it!
Gandhi: Removed all of the salt from the Indian Ocean and then returned it to prove that non-violence is the ultimate condiment for peace on earth.
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. "an antique toke of swag from the glory days of maryjane"-- a puff of cheap marijuana
"The Nanny" was an American television show starring Fran Drescher. She was noted for having perhaps the most irritating voice of all time.
Phil Collins recorded "You Can't Hurry Love" and his head bobs back and forth in the video when he sings it. I hate it in a very irrational way.
"Old Yeller" is an old Walt Disney movie with a sad ending guaranteed to draw tears.
"Strange Brew"-- great music by one of the great rock and roll bands of all time. CREAM! Can you dig it!
Gandhi: Removed all of the salt from the Indian Ocean and then returned it to prove that non-violence is the ultimate condiment for peace on earth.
You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.
© Copyright 2024. michaelcahill All rights reserved. Registered copyright with FanStory.
michaelcahill has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
