Commentary and Philosophy Non-Fiction posted July 5, 2014


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F#*#ing Retirement

by Spiritual Echo

It was easier when I was the boss,titles and public acknowledgement, profit and loss--they had a way of validating my opinions. Even in a position of authority, I was mindful of other people's ideas, but I had the credentials, the accomplishments to override the course of action. I wielded my power with grace and absolute confidence.

One day I simply resigned. I quit--end of story--or so it might seem.

'Civilian life' has stripped me of status. I have been humbled by my own decisions. And suddenly, or perhaps not so rapidly--after all it has been a year since I gave up my office--I find myself in a pool of mediocrity. Every thing I do or say is questionable. I've been levelled, brought to my knees. For all intent and purpose, I'm in an entry position and no longer have a piece of paper, a degree or a business card to flip out to justify my decisions.

Welcome to the world of retirement.

Possibly the only thing that separates me from the millions of other 'born again' human beings, is my awareness that my world has shrunk and now consists of daily actions not historical privilege. I am the soccer grandma, not the broad that stared down a retail giant and won. I am the go-to person for the sick child, the wounded soldier who needs empathy, but no resolution, and the validation--the rubber stamp for those people who have my cell phone number and think I care about their careers.

The face in the mirror is me. After a while, even cosmetics can't disguise the reality of 'me.'

For many people, the sudden freedom of unlimited potential, days that can stretch into years, offers the freedom to explore the hidden agendas, the unfulfilled dreams stored for a lifetime, just waiting for time. But for me, it is a blank canvas. I have no idea what to do with this time.

At times, I think I am naked. I go through the motions, but donated my accessories; the suits and the brief case are gone. In fact, it's an amazing day when I deign to put on a bra.

The only absolute truth that I've excavated is that I am still alive and the only person I have left to impress is me. I'm working on it. It's tougher without staff--I so enjoyed being in charge. Wait just a minute--I am--I'm the boss, of my future.






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