If there are issues to discuss,
Please ask me what I think.
If our discussions raise a fuss,
Then offer me a drink.

If I should trample on your toes,
We'll settle it with shoves,
But if we know we'll come to blows,
Unbox the boxing gloves.

If pugilism won't suffice,
And enmity survives,
Then let's dispense with playing nice
By squaring off with knives.

But if, by then, we're still at odds,
And live to kill the lesson,
We'll give our grievance to the gods
Of Colt and Smith & Wesson.