Category:  Humor Fiction | Posted: January 23, 2014

This work has reached the exceptional level
An erotic encounter at a nursing home.

Sex Among the Older Set

by goompa

Sex Among the Older Set

Most people in the United States aren't aware that the average life span in 1900 was only about 40 years. What tremendous progress we've made, because today, on average, people live into their seventies. Of course, one of the effects of people living longer is that more of us will require placement in nursing homes or "assisted care facilities," if you prefer.

With regard to life span, women presently live to about 77 years, but men only make it to 70 or so. Thus, contrary to conventional wisdom, we dudes with the Y chromosomes are apparently the weaker sex.

This life span disparity in favor of women has a serious effect when people move into nursing homes. What happens, of course, is that one finds a preponderance of women residing therein, because the men have long since bought the farm. In fact, at some nursing homes, the few men "still kickin'" may be highly sought after for companionship.

Given the above, imagine a typical nursing home population. Seventy-five people live there; six are men, but only three of them are aware of their surroundings. All but a few of the residents are at least 80; most are in wheel chairs, and varying degrees of dementia are represented. A few go on weekly "field trips" into the community, perhaps to shop or go to a movie. But most stay in, watching television, reading, participating in physical or occupational therapy, or just waiting for their next meal.

One of the more capable ladies, "Tillie" as she was known, was feeling a little frisky, as it were. So, one evening, she donned her sexiest sleepwear and walked into a gentleman's room down the hall. As swiftly as she could, she lifted the front of her negligee and said: How about some super sex?"

The gentleman nodded off to sleep.

Tillie, undeterred, walked into a second man's room. With the same bold approach, she bared her breasts and said, "How about some super sex?"

The gentleman uttered something that sounded like "Yecch" and threw his teeth at her.

Thus, Tillie was down to her final opportunity, her last hurrah, so to speak. She approached Hank's room, a gentleman known for his impeccable manners and dress. Again, she lifted her gown and made her offer: "How about some super sex?"

Henry took a breath or two, lifted one eyebrow and said: "All right, I'll have the soup."


I visited my mother and aunt in a nursing home for seven years, and there just isn't much to laugh about. The story is based upon an old joke that I assume is part of the public domain.
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