Humor Script posted January 4, 2014 Chapters:  ...7 8 -9- 10... 


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
FILLY adds more lies.

A chapter in the book Tea with Tattoo Tony

Lights, Camera, Action

by Spitfire

New character
        GRANT HOWARD:  A good-looking man in his late sixties. He stands erect, has
                                         excellent manners and speaks inpeccable English. He sports
                                         a beard and perhaps well-kept long hair-- enough to suggest
                                         he's in the art world. There is  warmth in his eyes and a hint of
                                         a sincere smile.
                                               

Previously:

FELICITY: (forces a laugh) Tony, I love how you prepare for a role. (to PATRICIA)
                 
Anthony or Tony, as he prefers to be called, is not my gardener. He’s
                  an  actor and just signed a contract to play a mobster. So he’s learning
                  to use poor grammar as part of his preparation.

TONY: An actor. I like that. Tony the actor.

PATRICIA: I’m impressed. And my kind sister has taken you under her
                   wing.   It’s a pastime for old maids, you know. (Crossing to
                   him, she  slips her arm through his.) Now, we definitely need to get 
                   acquainted
.

                            (TONY  wrests free,  crosses to FILLY, put his arm around her waist.)

TONY: ( to PATRICIA )  
Sorry, I’m  already took. And so are you. Lionhead, is it?


                        (PATRICIA forces a laugh, thrown off her game. Then the light comes
                        on. She applauds.)

PATRICIA: Magnificent! You had me believing. The grammar, the lies, the affectionate
                   gestures. It’s all part of your role Anthony. Tell me about the plot.

TONY: It starts wid me--Tony, not Anthony,  enterin’ a rich lady’s house. I got a gun,
              but it ain’t—

FILLY: Tony! Don’t give away the story. It’s bad luck.

PATRICIA and TONY: It is?

FILLY (to TONY) You could lose your role and even risk prison time.

TONY: I could?                                         PATRICIA: He could?

FILLY: Yes, darling, you could. Now tell my sister the truth about us.

PATRICIA: Us?                               

FILLY: The truth is, the director asked me to take a bit part in his movie since I
             contributed financial support. I decided it would be an  adventure and get
             me out of the house. (drily) That seems to be what you and your wayward
             brother want.

PATRICIA: You're delusional, Felicity. I always sus--

FILLY: Let me finish. Tony and I started talking in between takes, and I invited him
            for dinner one night, and one thing led to—

TONY: Get to the point, lady. (to PATRICIA) For dessert, I fucked her brains out.
      
                                    (Both sisters gasp.)

FILLY:  You did not! I still have them.

TONY:  Huh? Oh, sorry. I meant to say (dramatically) we made passion-ate love.     

                           (Taking Filly’s face in his hands, he squeezes her cheeks
                          
so her lips pucker, then plants a firm kiss on her forehead.
                          
FILLY pulls away.)

FILLY: Please, Tony. Not in front of my sister.

PATRICIA:  So you won’t die a virgin after all.

TONY: She’s no virgin.

PATRICIA: (shocked) Really?

FILLY: (shocked, she stares at  TONY): How- how could you possibly  know that?
             
                      (Doorbell chimes. Everyone is too engaged to move. ERMA
                     
walks in from her listening post in doorway, a feather duster
                      in her hand.)

ERMA: I’m finished in the bedrooms, Miss Worthington. I must say your sheets were
            so tangled again —

PATRICIA: (noticing her first) Who the hell is this, Felicity?

                        (The doorbell chimes again. Twice. )

ERMA: The hired help, Ma’am. (to FILLY) Shall I answer the door?

TONY (to ERMA) I thought you was—

PATRICIA: (to FILLY) Ah, so you ARE wasting Father’s money.

FILLY: Not on foolish things like clothes more appropriate to a rebellious teenager.
           (to ERMA) I’m expecting an appraiser. Don’t let anyone else in!

                          (ERMA bustles to the door.)

PATRICIA: An appraiser! They charge thousands for their opinions. I’ll tell you the 
                  value of those boxed items for – wait a minute—are you planning on
                  selling these? Forget it. Not while I’m still alive.

FILLY: It’s my inheritance. I’m free to do as I please.

                        (ERMA brings in the appraiser.)

ERMA: Grant Howard is here. (to GRANT) The lady of the house is obvious.
 
                       (GRANT heads toward PATRICIA)

GRANT: A pleasure to meet you. You’re quite different from what I pictured. 

                       (They shake hands.)

ERMA: (to FILLY) So much for his ability to appraise anything. Ask to see his credentials.

To be continued.



Recognized


Someone suggested I use italics for stage directions to make it easier to read.
Thanks to Google for my idea of Felicity's face.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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