| Humor Fiction posted February 6, 2013 |
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Evolutionary backfire
Kickback Kiss
by Deniz22
“Hi, Beautiful, come here often?”
“Who said that?”
“Since there is just you and me, and you didn’t say it, it must have been ME! Hello!”
“But … but you’re a … a …”
“Frog. Right. I get that a lot. Tell me something I don’t know.”
“But you really ARE a frog! Why wouldn’t you ‘get that’?”
“Oh boy. A thinking blonde Princess. There go all my dumb blonde jokes.”
“You’re kind of a sassy frog, aren’t you?”
“Maybe I am! Got a problem with that?”
“Seems like it would be more your problem than mine.”
“I DON’T have a PROBLEM! What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t think you’re going to get a kiss from a beautiful Princess any time soon. Not with that attitude.”
“Did I say I was looking for a kiss, Hot Lips?"
“ No, but …"
“But what? If a beautiful Princess kisses me, I will turn into a handsome Prince, marry her and live happily ever after with her? Is that it?”
“Yes, isn’t it true? Isn’t that what you really want?”
“Let me explain something to you here, Tinker Bell. Do you know how many times I have settled down for a nap on my lily pad, tummy full of juicy flies, just dozing off when some Princess comes by, yanks me to her mouth and plants a big wet one on my considerable lips?”
“Oh my, really?”
“Yes, really! We got more Princesses patrolling this pond than we have frog-eating herons! A frog can’t catch a break around here from getting kissed by some predatory Princess!”
“I had no idea.”
“I’m sure you didn’t there, Mary Poppins. Mind you, it’s not too bad being kissed by a beautiful Princess like you, but some of the others look like Cinderella’s half-sisters. And besides …”
“What? What is it? You look so sad all of a sudden, why?”
“ They only want to kiss me for their own sake. You know, to get a handsome Prince … they don’t care about me, or my problems … it’s all about them.”
“I really am so sorry. But it’s not easy being a Princess either! People expect SO much! We’re spoiled and fussed over, fed and dressed, completely spoiled. Then we’re expected to be sweet, kind and beautiful all the time. Of course, we simply MUST attract a handsome Prince! Anything less and we are failures! I'm so SICK of it all!”
“Hey Kid, I didn’t mean to bring you down. I guess I’ve been pretty selfish. I never looked beyond my own hurt. Aw, come on, don’t cry.”
“ It’s okay. You really are sweet underneath it all, aren’t you? Here’s a kiss for you… sweet thing … (VAVOOOOOM!!!!) Wha … what happened?”
“Welcome to my pond! I’ve been looking for someone like you for a long time.”
“Oh my! What happened here?”
“I haven’t the froggiest, but I’m loving it!”
“I must say, so far, life with you is a lot more exciting than being a Princess!”
“Oh yeah! Wait ‘til you see my pad, Mrs. Greenlegs!”
“Shall I hop over there and give you another kiss, Mr. Greenlegs?”
“ Sure! Just don’t turn me into a handsome Prince!”
“Hi, Beautiful, come here often?”
“Who said that?”
“Since there is just you and me, and you didn’t say it, it must have been ME! Hello!”
“But … but you’re a … a …”
“Frog. Right. I get that a lot. Tell me something I don’t know.”
“But you really ARE a frog! Why wouldn’t you ‘get that’?”
“Oh boy. A thinking blonde Princess. There go all my dumb blonde jokes.”
“You’re kind of a sassy frog, aren’t you?”
“Maybe I am! Got a problem with that?”
“Seems like it would be more your problem than mine.”
“I DON’T have a PROBLEM! What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t think you’re going to get a kiss from a beautiful Princess any time soon. Not with that attitude.”
“Did I say I was looking for a kiss, Hot Lips?"
“ No, but …"
“But what? If a beautiful Princess kisses me, I will turn into a handsome Prince, marry her and live happily ever after with her? Is that it?”
“Yes, isn’t it true? Isn’t that what you really want?”
“Let me explain something to you here, Tinker Bell. Do you know how many times I have settled down for a nap on my lily pad, tummy full of juicy flies, just dozing off when some Princess comes by, yanks me to her mouth and plants a big wet one on my considerable lips?”
“Oh my, really?”
“Yes, really! We got more Princesses patrolling this pond than we have frog-eating herons! A frog can’t catch a break around here from getting kissed by some predatory Princess!”
“I had no idea.”
“I’m sure you didn’t there, Mary Poppins. Mind you, it’s not too bad being kissed by a beautiful Princess like you, but some of the others look like Cinderella’s half-sisters. And besides …”
“What? What is it? You look so sad all of a sudden, why?”
“ They only want to kiss me for their own sake. You know, to get a handsome Prince … they don’t care about me, or my problems … it’s all about them.”
“I really am so sorry. But it’s not easy being a Princess either! People expect SO much! We’re spoiled and fussed over, fed and dressed, completely spoiled. Then we’re expected to be sweet, kind and beautiful all the time. Of course, we simply MUST attract a handsome Prince! Anything less and we are failures! I'm so SICK of it all!”
“Hey Kid, I didn’t mean to bring you down. I guess I’ve been pretty selfish. I never looked beyond my own hurt. Aw, come on, don’t cry.”
“ It’s okay. You really are sweet underneath it all, aren’t you? Here’s a kiss for you… sweet thing … (VAVOOOOOM!!!!) Wha … what happened?”
“Welcome to my pond! I’ve been looking for someone like you for a long time.”
“Oh my! What happened here?”
“I haven’t the froggiest, but I’m loving it!”
“I must say, so far, life with you is a lot more exciting than being a Princess!”
“Oh yeah! Wait ‘til you see my pad, Mrs. Greenlegs!”
“Shall I hop over there and give you another kiss, Mr. Greenlegs?”
“ Sure! Just don’t turn me into a handsome Prince!”
“Who said that?”
“Since there is just you and me, and you didn’t say it, it must have been ME! Hello!”
“But … but you’re a … a …”
“Frog. Right. I get that a lot. Tell me something I don’t know.”
“But you really ARE a frog! Why wouldn’t you ‘get that’?”
“Oh boy. A thinking blonde Princess. There go all my dumb blonde jokes.”
“You’re kind of a sassy frog, aren’t you?”
“Maybe I am! Got a problem with that?”
“Seems like it would be more your problem than mine.”
“I DON’T have a PROBLEM! What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t think you’re going to get a kiss from a beautiful Princess any time soon. Not with that attitude.”
“Did I say I was looking for a kiss, Hot Lips?"
“ No, but …"
“But what? If a beautiful Princess kisses me, I will turn into a handsome Prince, marry her and live happily ever after with her? Is that it?”
“Yes, isn’t it true? Isn’t that what you really want?”
“Let me explain something to you here, Tinker Bell. Do you know how many times I have settled down for a nap on my lily pad, tummy full of juicy flies, just dozing off when some Princess comes by, yanks me to her mouth and plants a big wet one on my considerable lips?”
“Oh my, really?”
“Yes, really! We got more Princesses patrolling this pond than we have frog-eating herons! A frog can’t catch a break around here from getting kissed by some predatory Princess!”
“I had no idea.”
“I’m sure you didn’t there, Mary Poppins. Mind you, it’s not too bad being kissed by a beautiful Princess like you, but some of the others look like Cinderella’s half-sisters. And besides …”
“What? What is it? You look so sad all of a sudden, why?”
“ They only want to kiss me for their own sake. You know, to get a handsome Prince … they don’t care about me, or my problems … it’s all about them.”
“I really am so sorry. But it’s not easy being a Princess either! People expect SO much! We’re spoiled and fussed over, fed and dressed, completely spoiled. Then we’re expected to be sweet, kind and beautiful all the time. Of course, we simply MUST attract a handsome Prince! Anything less and we are failures! I'm so SICK of it all!”
“Hey Kid, I didn’t mean to bring you down. I guess I’ve been pretty selfish. I never looked beyond my own hurt. Aw, come on, don’t cry.”
“ It’s okay. You really are sweet underneath it all, aren’t you? Here’s a kiss for you… sweet thing … (VAVOOOOOM!!!!) Wha … what happened?”
“Welcome to my pond! I’ve been looking for someone like you for a long time.”
“Oh my! What happened here?”
“I haven’t the froggiest, but I’m loving it!”
“I must say, so far, life with you is a lot more exciting than being a Princess!”
“Oh yeah! Wait ‘til you see my pad, Mrs. Greenlegs!”
“Shall I hop over there and give you another kiss, Mr. Greenlegs?”
“ Sure! Just don’t turn me into a handsome Prince!”
 Recognized |
Transformation is a major theme in all literature. Having a little fun with a well known tale.
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