Self Improvement Poetry posted September 7, 2012


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A hoodlum's rules for life

Dodgy Desiderata

by kiwisteveh

The ABC's of Life Contest Winner 
Always have an alibi or, even better, two.
B
eware the man who drinks too much, especially if it's you.
C
all your lawyer, then your wife. Ask her to bring your bail.
D
on't turn your back on Smilin' Jack who runs the whole damn jail.
E
xpect the unexpected; like a Boy Scout, be prepared.
F
alse bottoms in your cases for those items undeclared.
G
uns don't kill but people will; a vest may save your life.
H
elp out a mate who's locked away by visiting his wife.
I
gnorance is no excuse in law you'll often find.
J
ust a little sweetener can make a cop go blind.
K
eep a weather eye out for the snitch who'll spoil your game
L
ady Luck's an oxymoron; never trust a dame.
M
uscly men with baseball bats deserve your best respecting.
N
ever mess with Mr Big; kneecaps are worth protecting.
O
ther people's property's an open invitation.
P
rotect and serve yourself's the way to wealth accumulation.
Q
uintessential qualities are quietness and quickness.
R
emember to reward yourself; denial's just a sickness.
S
ome people don't deserve their wealth; here endeth the first lesson.
T
he only partners that you need are buddies Smith and Wesson.
U
nless you want to lose your loot don't bet on cards or dice.
V
ersatility is good; don't rob the same bank twice.
W
ear a balaclava when a public place you rob.
X
anax helps if anxious before a tricky job.
Y
ou should be grateful God has made so many wealthy fools.
Z
ealous application is the key to all these rules.




The ABC's of Life
Contest Winner

Recognized


This contest asks you to create an alphabetical set of rules for life, but keep it short, sweet and CLEAN. 26 lines, plus title, only.

Occasional colorful use of the English language is intentional to reflect the personality of the narrator.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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