It's 1973. I'm at a frat party near The University of Detroit. It's your usual pot smoking, beer swilling campus event. Except for the America song playing in the background, "muskrat Susie, muskrat Sam do the jitterbug down in muskrat land." Strange choice of music for this crowd, but I start humming along. Then I notice a guy watching me. He's tall and thin with butterscotch colored hair hanging over one eye. A little too clean cut for my taste. I prefer my men with long hair and scruffy beards, but he's cute in a preppy way. He walks over and begins a conversation.

"Hey, you like that song?"

"It's okay. A little sappy," I answer.

"I'm Jim. I kinda like sappy." For some reason this amuses me. I'm a Detroit girl. Born and raised in the inner city, not the burbs. I would rather die than admit liking anything sappy or sugary. This guy is a real dork.

"I'm Annie. Want a hit of this joint?" I ask him.

"I don't smoke weed, " he responds. My eyebrows shoot up. I start checking out the other guys in the room. I'm looking for fun tonight not morality. He notices. A slow, sexy smile crosses his face.

"Am I too geeky for you?"

"Probably you're not my type." I laughed.
.
"Annie, show me your soft side. I know it's there. I can feel it," he whispers in my ear. His eyes peel away all my hard layers. He knows I cry at sad endings. He knows I save stray animals. He knows I still sleep with my teddy bear. Suddenly I know what love at first sight is. He has me right where he wants me. Amazingly, it's mutual. He kisses me gently on the lips. I'm in real trouble. "Let's go to my place. I have the America album that song is on. We can listen to it all night long. You can be Susie, and I can be Sam," he says softly.

So our love affair begins. He coaxes out all my secrets and desires. I learn he's from a small town in Iowa and is afraid of spiders. We hide nothing from each other. We expose and explore all the nooks and crannies of our hearts, bodies, and minds. I soften with each day we are together. The hard core "city chick" is mellower, kinder, and less guarded. Jim learns all of my urban tricks and systems. We can barely stand to be apart. Soul mates our friends call us. I guess we are. Two years pass quickly. Jim finishes up his teaching degree. Starts teaching high school. I'm about to graduate with a business degree. We plan on getting married in May.

Jim teaches math at Cooley High School. One of the toughest inner city schools in Detroit. Bars have been on the windows since I can remember. Jim wants to change the world. He's out to change every messed up kid he comes in contact with. He tries to find his students' soft sides. What Jim doesn't get is that a lot of these kids don't have soft sides. They've been robbed of them by dysfunctional families and cruel foster homes. Detroit has always been a tough, mean city. Mercy and compassion don't exist here in large quantities.

One morning I leave for school. Jim leaves for work. At the end of the day only one of us is alive. Jim is stabbed by one of his students who's high on acid. The knife entered the soft side of his body twenty times. The reason for the murder is unknown, because there is no reason. Just madness.

A year passes by. There's no getting over Jim's death for me. I never graduate. I slowly slip into a life of drugs, alcohol, and one night stands. Cease all contact with my family and friends. I can't live without the person who found my soft side. I should have known better. Once it's exposed it's over. You're vulnerable. He can't protect me anymore. My shell is gone as is Jim. I simply cannot live with this bleeding, shattered heart.

I get up from the couch, and put America's album "Hat Trick" on the stereo. There's a bowl of pills on the coffee table. They are in all shapes and sizes. Mainly sleeping pills I have saved from various doctors visits. I fill a glass full of vodka, and slowly start taking the pills. It'll be over soon. Jim and I will be together again in another world. Softly, America's music fills the room. I go back to that frat party. I see Jim across the room - "muskrat Susie, muskrat Sam, do the jitterbug down in muskrat land..."