Background: Two robbers hide out in a house inhabited by six female
misfits who mange to steal the money when left unguarded. Forced at
gunpoint to confess, Loony tells robbers to look in the basement.  Landlady
Sarge stops them. Her dead husband is packed in the freezer.  When Officer
Buddinski shows up,  Sarge is frightened he'll discover her cover-up.  The
robbers grab Crystal for a hostage and hide in the kitchen. But it seems
the officer showed up to return a wallet. Loony accuses him of not doing his
job. He needs to search for the bank robbers. He reveals shocking news.    

OFFICER
We already caught one.

ALL WOMEN PRESENT
One?                  

OFFICER
Yep.   It turned out to be an inside job. The president of the bank stole the
money to cover his gambling debts. Lincoln Washington owed the mob one
million dollars.
                
KANDY
Lincoln?  Now I remember!   The man I dated a year ago was president of
Fifth National.  I told you the building started with an “F”.
                   
FRIEDA
I don’t understand. Was he one of the men pictured in the paper?  

OFFICER
Nah!  Washington hired two actors to fake a robbery. The plan was to give
him the money minus twenty thousand for their part.

KANDY
Actors robbed the bank?

OFFICER
That’s what Washington thought. Turns out he hired two ex-cons.  They took
off with the money leaving him at the mercy of the mob. So he turned himself in.

KANDY
Poor Linc.  He never had luck.

OFFICER
I wouldn’t say that, Miss. He’s better off with us than --

ELLEN
But you didn’t catch the schmucks he hired?

OFFICER
They’re out of the country by now, I suspect. Lincoln heard them talking
about Singapore.

FRIEDA
So they’ll get away with it?

OFFICER
It’s hard to find unmarked money once it reaches a foreign port.  Anyway,
the bank’s not worried.  They’ll just put in for another bailout.
                         (O.S. a car honks.)  
Gotta move. Give my best to the Colonel next time he calls.

                         (He exits, forgetting his cap.  Sound of car leaving. CRYSTAL
                         enters, pushed by MICKEY pressing a gun against her back. 
                         MACK follows, trying to straighten  a dented can.)  
                                      
MICKEY
Nice work, you broads.  Now we know the cops ain’t lookin’ for us.  The money
is ours, free and clear.  Mack, start tearin’ this house apart 'til we find every last dime.                 
 
MACK  ( startled, drops can close to MICKEY'S foot)
Mess up the house?  I can’t do that.

                          (MICKEY jumps to escape the can.  CRYSTAL sees  her chance, 
                           makes a karate move forcing MICKEY off balance.)

CRYSTAL
Hiiii----ya!

                           (MICKEY drops gun.  She grabs it.)

MICKEY  
What the--

CRYSTAL        
Put hands in ze air.

                          (MACK  obeys . MICKEY takes a stand.)    
                
MICKEY  
You ain’t gonna shoot us.

CRYSTAL
You right, I not have killer instinct, but I know someone who do.
 
                         (She hands gun to FRIEDA who aims at MICKEY’S crotch.  
                         He  promptly puts up his hands.)
        
FRIEDA
Not a killer, but I have the instinct to do great damage. Crystal, take off their neckties.

CRYSTAL (removing MICKEY’S tie)     
I tie up ze trigger happy one. Loony, you do same to Pea Brain.

FRIEDA  (grabs MICKEY’S tie)
No, I want the pleasure of tying Mickey.  Loony, you take the gun.  Oh, how much
I wanted to do this twenty years ago.

                       (She hands the gun to LOONY who has great fun pretending to be
                       a cop.  FRIEDA ties up MICKEY. CRYSTAL ties up  MACK.)  

LOONY
Ka-pow! Ka pow!

MICKEY
Get that away from her before she kills someone!             
                    
CRYSTAL         
First, we make deal. You robbed a bank, held me hostage   scare every lambkin to wits.  You build much bad karma, but I let you make it up.  We let you free, but keep money.

FRIEDA
Let them free?  To rob another bank?  To frighten other helpless women?  No, we call the police–
                    
MICKEY
Go ahead.  I’ll tell about the body in the freezer.  Police can arrest Boots too.

SARGE (sobs)
No!

KANDY
I have a plan. Why don’t we take the money and get on that cruise ship.  We’ll take the boys
so they can’t rob any more banks.   

SARGE
I can’t leave the Colonel.

                             (A crackling sound from basement)    
           
MACK
That freezer ain’t gonna be cold much longer. Them rats chewed through the wiring.                    

FRIEDA
Sarge! That means your husband is thawing! 

CRYSTAL
Then we have job to do. We bury Melting Man tonight. He have favorite spot outside?

SARGE
He loved that big oak.                   

FRIEDA
So does Crabtree’s dog. (picks up  legal sized envelope).  Maybe you should open this. Looks like a foreclosure notice.
                                    
SARGE  (tears it open, peruses, announces in a quavering voice)
We have to be out of here in two weeks.

To be Continued.