Background: Two robbers with a briefcase full of money wait for their
partner in a condemned house, inhabited by six female misfits. Three
renters help themselves to money when the briefcase is left unguarded.
A snowstorm has stranded their getaway man. Then a car accident kills
him. The ladies keep busy trying to keep the robbers from discovering
they stuffed the case with magazines.  Mickey is in the bathroom after a
planted overdose of laxative. MACK is telling the women how he got
involved with Mickey.

MACK 
I was an orphan. But Mickey made me his best friend. Then he got into trouble
and went to jail. I visited him every day, so he and his cellmate Mad Dog made
me a partner after they got out. That was nice ’cause now we’re rich and can
show Trixie that her brother ain’t a loser. You gotta see all our money.

                       (He turns toward briefcase. KANDY grabs his arms, pulls him
                       to a quiet corner.   During the conversation between MACK and
                       KANDY, CRYSTAL grabs the briefcase, hands it to FRIEDA who
                       hides it under the sofa. LOONY pulls it out,  tries to fit it in a  desk
                       drawer.  CRYSTAL takes it again,  crosses to  basement door,
                       tries to open it, looks for key, gives up, puts case back on table just
                       as  MACK kisses KANDY.)

KANDY
I’ll bet you’d like to have a family, Mack. Why don’t you forget about the money,
stay here and settle down with me.    

MACK
I can’t do that to my best friend.  I sure would like to take you with me though.  
                    
KANDY
Your best friend was going to shoot you!

MACK
But he knows now I ain’t gonna steal his money, so we’re still partners.
And friends too.  

KANDY
I’d like to be even more than that.  You’re real sweet, and I could go for –
you know- a permanent relationship.                 

MACK
Miss Kandy, I sure do like you too.  But I’m not a nice guy. I done a bad thing
helping Mickey rob that bank. And he needs me now to tie you up because I
make the best knots. Don’t be mad, please. Can I give you a little kiss?

KANDY
A kiss would be very nice.  But why don’t you give me that gun first. It could go
off by accident.

MACK
No, Mickey would shoot me if I gave this gun to anybody.

                          (KANDY looks behind her to check progress of briefcase.
                          CRYSTAL shrugs. )

KANDY
Okay.  I’m ready for the kiss.

                         (MACK plants a kiss on her cheek just as the case finds its
                         way back  to the table.)

MACK
I wisht there was some way I could have both you and the money.

                        (He returns to case, unlatches one side.  ELLEN hustles
                        over, plants her  hand on top. MICKEY returns from hallway,
                       rushes to ELLEN. )

MICKEY
Get your hands off that case.  Gimme the gun, Mack. You broads move back
to the sofa.
        
MACK
I just wanna take a peek Mick.  Please?

MICKEY
Okay, okay.   Real quick.

                        (MACK unlatches the other side.  The ladies go into overdrive.)

CRYSTAL
It be bad karma to look at money before you spend it.

FRIEDA
And poor manners to show off your wealth.

ELLEN
I think I forgot to put the top back on the prune juice jar.

                       (MACK hesitates and looks toward the kitchen.)  

KANDY
Mack, you shouldn’t open that briefcase until you’re far far away from here.

MICKEY        
Wait a minute! I suspects somethin’s goin’ on here. Go ahead .Unlatch it, Mack.
                  
MACK
But the prune juice—

                     (MICKEY pushes him aside, opens the case, does a double take.)

MICKEY
What the –
                     (He dumps  magazines out,  throws case on the floor.)

MACK
That’s not money.  

MICKEY (turning on him.)
And you’re surprised!   That case ain’t been outta my sight except when you--.

FRIEDA
But the case was out of your sight, Mack, when you and Sarge
went for groceries.  

ELLEN
Frieda!  You’re not supposed to tell.  

MACK
Tell what?  (a beat)   Say Mick, is you tryin’ to double cross me?

MICKEY
Think, Pea Brain.  I’m the one who told you to open the case!

FRIEDA (egging him on)
Remember, Mack.   “There’s no honor among thieves”. Time to fight
back. Here's Modern  Maturity.      

                   (Hands magazine to MACK who throws it at MICKEY.) .     

CRYSTAL (picking up another)
Big Game Hunting.
                   (Hands magazine to MICKEY who throws it at MACK.)

LOONY
Mag fight! Mag fight!
                   (She hands magazines to both of them. SARGE gives
                   a shrill whistle. Everyone freezes.)            

SARGE
Attention!  Boys! pick up these magazines  now!

                    (MICKEY recovers, aims his gun  at her while MACK picks up,
                    stacks magazines.)

MICKEY
You ain’t givin’ orders, Boots. Get back on the sofa,  you broads.  
                     
MACK ( like a little boy tattling on his brother.)
Auntie Boots, when you and me went for groceries, Mickey stole my money.

MICKEY (responding in kind.)
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

                    (He  punches MACK in the arm. This time MACK punches  back.)
          
FRIEDA
Mack cheated, but he never lied.

MICKEY
He’s lying now.
                     (The two men start slapping hands at each other.  )

LOONY
Blood!  Blood!  Go for broken bones!

                  (SARGE blows  whistle again. The “boys” stop. SARGE picks
                   up case. )

SARGE
I’ll get to the bottom of this. Ladies, if you know something,  ’fess up.  Loony?
Crystal? Kandy? Frieda?  

                   (They shake their heads in turn.)

ELLEN
The prune juice is working.  I have to go.

                    (She waddles toward  hall.)

SARGE
Freeze, Private Stewman!  I want to know where you got that money
for groceries.         
            
ELLEN         
I found it.
                 
MICKEY (aims gun at her.)     
I want to see what else is in your pockets.

                     (ELLEN pulls bills from pocket.)

MACK  (grabbing them.)
It’s ours, Mick. I recognize them faces.  Told you I didn’t take it.

To be continued.