Background: Two robbers with a briefcase full of money wait for their partner in a condemned house, inhabited by six female misfits. Three renters help themselves to money when the briefcase is left unguarded. When Mickey decides to show off his stash,  Ellen  puts  an overdose of laxative into his glass of water. He dashes to the toilet, warning the women to stay on the sofa.  Instead, the ladies empty the case.  Before, they can finish, the toilet flushes. They throw the money back in and sit down.  Mickey returns with his gun. 

KANDY
We’re still here.  You okay? 

MICKEY
Yeah.   (a beat.)  No!  Don’t move.  ( dashes back to bathroom.) 

LADIES (singsong)
Girl Scout’s Honor.

                              (CRYSTAL yanks case open. They plunder it again. FRIEDA  runs 
                              upstairs. KANDY and CRYSTAL dash to their rooms.  LOONY
                              stops at  hall entrance to bathroom.)

LOONY (to unseen MICKEY)
Congratulations. You’re getting rid of  that anger.  Flushing the whole crap down the toilet.  

MICKEY (O.S.)
Aaaaaaugh.

LOONY
You’re welcome. I’ll send my bill in the morning.

                          (LOONY starts upstairs just as FRIEDA is coming down. They
                          exchange  high fives. LOONY exits.  FRIEDA crosses to case,
                          throws in magazines, shuts case, sets it on coffee table . O.S.
                          a toilet flushes.  Pipes bang.  LOONY races downstairs.
                          CRYSTAL  and KANDY return, run to sofa. The ladies  squeeze
                          together.  A wobbly MICKEY emerges, gun in hand. )  

MICKEY          
Hey! That ain’t the way you was sittin’ two minutes ago.

FRIEDA (demurely)          
I left to turn on the radio. I heard you flush. I ran back. See? You have
me scared.  Guess I sat in the wrong seat.
                    
KANDY
Yeah, I moved over when she got up because I was getting squished.

ELLEN (to KANDY)
Are you calling me fat!

LOONY
Nobody wants to sit next to me because they all hate me. (to MICKEY) Except for
you.  You got all the hate crap out of your system.

                          (ELLEN bops LOONY on the head. LOONY yanks ELLEN’S hair.)

MICKEY
I don’t need this gun. You broads will kill each other without my help!  (to LOONY)
Go sit on your rocker, El Whacko.   

LOONY
I was wrong. You’re still full of crap.
               
                         (She storms over to rocker.)
                   
MICKEY
It’s time for news, Frigid Face.  Go back and turn on the radio.  And no funny stuff.

FRIEDA   (muttering )
A  “please” would be nice.     
                   
                          (She switches station, turns volume on high.  A song
                          from  The Sound of Music blasts into the room. )
                         
MICKEY
Turn that off!                      
        
                       (FRIEDA  does so, but LOONY leaps up, bursts into song)
                                            
LOONY
Climb all the mountains/ Climb all the ---

MICKEY
No! No! Not again!

                        (Everyone except FRIEDA and MICKEY applauds.)

CRYSTAL
You have amazing tonsils.
 
KANDY
Sing something I can dance to. 

LOONY (singing)
I could have waltzed all night/I could have—
 
MICKEY
I hate Eliza!  I hate the professor!                   .

FRIEDA
I hate musicals!   Stop singing.

KANDY
But she’s awesome.

CRYSTAL
Maybe she can record and sell ze silver discs. Make fortune. Share with us.

LOONY
They like me! They really like me! 
              
MICKEY and FRIEDA
No!
           
                          (O.S. a  car door slams.)

FRIEDA
Thank heavens! I’ll get the door.

                          (She brushes past MICKEY, opens door. SARGE and MACK
                           enter with two bags of groceries. SARGE hands her bag to
                           FRIEDA who in turn, hands it to CRYSTAL who hands it to
                           KANDY.  In the confusion, LOONY sneaks upstairs.)

MICKEY                     
Put them bags on the table!  Nobody leaves this room. I want youse broads sittin’
on the sofa again.  (aims gun at FRIEDA)  ‘Cept you, Teach.  Go find news.            

                           (KANDY sets her bag on the table, takes a moment to flirt with
                           MACK, crosses to sofa. Sound of static.  Then a man's voice.) 

RADIO ANNOUNCER
This just in. A fatal crash on the turnpike:  well-known career criminal—

SARGE
Meat needs to go in the fridge right away.

MICKEY (intent on listening)
Shut up!
     
                      (MACK takes bags, exits to kitchen.)
      
RADIO ANNOUNCER
--Joey  Di Nunzio, better known as “Mad Dog”---
                   
MICKEY
Turn that up! 
                       
RADIO ANNOUNCER
 --car hit  by truckload of used port-a-potties.  While we wait for an update, let's hum "Stormy Weather."

MICKEY  (overlapping  the radio announcer's voice)    
Get out here, Mack. We got a problem. Mad Dog ain’t comin'.

MACK (returning)
They caught him?
                       
RADIO ANNOUNCER
Seems Mad Dog had plans to leave the country.  Police found a passport.
 
MICKEY
Check again, buddy. He had three.

RADIO ANNOUNCER           
No, he had one.  The passport has Joey’s picture, but a different name. Anyone know  a Mickey Mancuso? 

                      (FRIEDA shuts it off.)  

FRIEDA
You hear that, Mack?  One  passport and  Mickey’s name on it.

MACK (to MICKEY)
You was gonna leave without me?

MICKEY
You pea brain.  Mad Dog was plannin’  to kill us and fly out with our money.

FRIEDA
Don’t believe him, Mack.

                         (LOONY, dressed like a nun, appears at top of stairs)

LOONY (like Julie Andrews)
My world is alive with the sound of---
 
MICKEY 
How’d you – Get down here Sister Maria.  Sit in your rocker and stay put.   Mack, we gotta make new plans.      
              
MACK
Yeah, we have to  go to  Mad Dog's  funeral. 

MICKEY
Are you nuts?  Never mind.  C'mon, we'll tie up the broads, take Boot’s car and head for Canada.
       
SARGE         
My car?

ELLEN
Can we eat first?

SARGE
I’ll give you bus fare. You’re not taking my car!

MICKEY   (clutches his stomach)
Not again!   
                 (hands gun to MACK.)
Keep ’em in line.
                 (dashes to bathroom)

MACK
What’s the matter with him?
   
LOONY         
He’s getting rid of his family.  Tell us, Macky, did you get along with your mommy and daddy?

MACK 
I don't think so. I never met them.

KANDY
What?

MACK
I was an orphan. When I started first grade, Mickey made me his best friend. Then he got into trouble in high school and went to jail for a long long time. I visited him every day, When he got out, he and his cellmate made me a partner to help rob a bank.  Mick wants to show Trixie, his nasty sister, that her brother ain’t such a loser after all.  He's rich now. Here, let me show you.

                         (He heads toward briefcase.)

To be continued.