Background: Two robbers with a briefcase full of money wait for their partner in a
condemned house, inhabited by six female misfits. Three of the gals have helped
themselves to some money when the case was left unguarded. Their objective now
is to prevent Mickey from  discovering the loss. He is about to open the case  when …
                     
KANDY (frantic)
Before you show us the money, I have a confession to make.

CRYSTAL            MICKEY
  What!                  What?

KANDY         
I love Mack. If he asks me to marry him, I will. Would we have your permission?        

MICKEY  (aims gun at her)
No! And it ain’t gonna happen. Now shut up while I show you ---
         
ELLEN
Help! I feel a sugar low. I’m a diabetic, Mickey.  I need something sweet. Fruit. Candy.
Cookies. Ov vey, you let me check  the kitchen?

FRIEDA
I saw a jar of prune juice in the pantry this morning. For heaven’s sakes,  let her get it.

ELLEN  (to MICKEY)
If you don’t trust me, you watch.
        
                         (She exits to kitchen. Mickey follows, stands by entrance )
 
MICKEY
Okay, okay .Get me a glass of water while you’re at it. 

                         (MICKEY glances from Ellen to the ladies and back, as if watching a
                         tennis match.)

ELLEN (O.S.)
You should try the prune juice.  It’s full of vitamins.                                 

MICKEY
Shut up, or you’ll be full of bullets.  And now I want two glasses of water.
   
                         (Sound of water running into two glasses.)   
           
FRIEDA (goading) 
So, when are you going to show us your “million dollars”? 

                        (He leaves his post,  grabs the case.)    
MICKEY
As soon as Sweat Glands gets back. 

KANDY
You don't need to show us. I believe you. So does Crystal. 

CRYSTAL
Shape of thumb tell whether you be liar or not.  Sit.

MICKEY
That don’t make no sense.
   
                          (ELLEN returns, sets two glasses of water on the table, returns to 
                           sofa.  MICKEY chugs one glass and half of the other. )

ELLEN
Does the water taste okay?

MICKEY
What do ya mean, “Does it taste okay”?  Water is water.

ELLEN
I put Megalax in it.

MICKEY  (sputtering)
What the hell is Megalax?

ELLEN
It loosens you up inside. You’re uptight like Frieda.

MICKEY
I ain't nothin’ like her. 

LOONY
Rage is good. Let it out.  All that anger at Daddy and Mommy—
                   
FRIEDA
And Trixie –

KANDY
Making you watch My Fair Lady and The Sound of –

MICKEY (clutching stomach)
Aaaauuuggghh!
                            
CRYSTAL
You no look so good,

MICKEY
Nobody move.  Sit on your hands ’til I get back.
              
                              (He dashes SL  to bathroom.)

LADIES (singsong)
Girl Scout’s Honor.

ELLEN
Ov vey! That Megalax should work so fast on me!

KANDY
How much did you put in?

ELLEN
Who measures?

FRIEDA
We’re wasting time. We have to find weapons.  Maybe there’s a gun in the briefcase. (unlatches it)  This doesn’t look like a million dollars. But it is more than a thousand.

                            (She slips two bundles into her pockets.)
           
LOONY
What are you doing?

FRIEDA (hands money out to others)
No weapons so we make another plan.  Take the money and fill the case with magazines. Mickey and Mack run off with what they think is a million dollars. We go to police, return money and maybe get a small reward.

KANDY and CRYSTAL   (aghast)
Return the money?

CRYSTAL                 
Think, Super Teacher Lambkin.  With this money you could take see Paris, London—
                   
ELLEN
David with his --

KANDY
I could go to the moon.

.FRIEDA        
You want us to keep this?  That’s not ethical. (a beat.) Besides we’d never get away with it.

CRYSTAL
Why not?  We keep robbers from opening case. When getaway dog get here, they be in mad rush to get out of country. They don’t check case ‘til later. 

KANDY
But “Mad Dog” will think the guys are doing a double-cross. He’ll kill them. I don’t want anything to happen to Mack.
               
CRYSTAL(filling her turban)
Mack be just like other boyfriends.  Only love you for money. Trust me.
               
                            (FRIEDA takes CRYSTAL’S money, puts it back in case.)

FRIEDA
I don’t want to be responsible for Mickey’s death either.

LOONY (grabbing several bundles.)
Why not?  He made your life miserable for a whole year. 

ELLEN  (helping herself)
A gun he aims at you.  At me.   At Loony.  At all of us.  And we don’t get even? 

                            (FRIEDA  snatches money back from ELLEN and LOONEY)
FRIEDA.
He aimed, but he didn’t shoot! 

KANDY            
He called you Frigid Face. That’s really cold.
               
LOONY
Why should losers always win?  

CRYSTAL (to FRIEDA)
Think of the silver haired man who swindled you.  Maybe he put it in zis bank, and now you
be getting it back with much interest.

ELLEN
Give your share to the preacher. Win reputation back.

FRIEDA
Oh dear.  You all have good points. (a beat)  Okay, let’s do it.
  
                        (She snatches two bundles and heads for the stairs.)

LOONY
Where you going? 

FRIEDA
To hide this where no gangster would ever look — behind my grammar books!
     
                             (The ladies grab bundles, run toward their rooms. A toilet flushes
                             followed by banging  pipes. The ladies race back to the sofa, toss
                             money into case. CRYSTAL   slams it shut. They sit on their hands.
                             MICKEY staggers in.)

To be continued.