In a rare evening of watching television for several hours non-stop, I noticed a persistence of ads for online dating services. Not one of the folks they featured looked like they would have any problem getting a date. In fact, one guy bragged about how easy it was for him to find women to go out with him.

Although I personally felt he resembled the caveman in the Geico ads, I suppose there are plenty of women who find that look appealing. I do wonder, though, why he's having trouble moving beyond the sampling stage without the help of a third party.

One company featured biographies of people who ended up meeting, and later marrying, thanks to the use of online dating. The couples are seen, with the aid of soft backlighting, gazing into each other's eyes and saying something like, 'I was beginning to lose hope of ever finding the man/woman of my dreams and then I went to gottagetlaid.com and now we're inseparable.'

For parity's sake, I think we should be privy to how many of those relationships end up in Personal Protection Orders if we're to really judge the merits of computer dating versus conventional methods.

Another company appeals to the spiritually-minded by offering God as matchmaker. His helpers, for a fee, will see that you meet - drumroll - your soul mate thereby assuring you'll never waste another evening in the company of an asshole you suspect is wearing a tether. Personally, I find this terribly unfair. Marriage should be a crap-shoot for everyone - not just unbelievers.

Now here's where the dating ads start to look like Hollywood scripts for me: The 'matched' couple  meet for the first time in a busy, noisy restaurant. The camera closes in as we see these two people hugging like they're already best buds.

I admit to being put-off by the whole hugging-on-first-meeting trend. I'm a Midwesterner which means I prefer a handshake to a hug when I'm meeting someone for the first time. I believe the soul speaks through the eyes and character speaks through the hands:

Date #1: Sweaty palms? Nervous. But, then, so are you.

Date #2: Skin like a baby's behind? On the fence with this one - could be he gets professional manicures or that he has a compulsive need to moisturize his skin. The latter could be an advantage during lovemaking. I'd be watching carefully to see if he continuously touches his silverware, making sure it is equidistant at all times to the edge of the table. Don't be desperate enough to date Monk.

Date #3: Fingertip tapper? This is a slam dunk: Eat quickly, don't drink at all and ditch as soon as possible.

Date #4: Firm handshake and looks you directly in the eye? Baby, where have YOU been all my life?

But my biggest peeve with the way these ads are portrayed is that it appears that the couple arrives separately - otherwise why the big showy, huggy greeting? This is totally unfair. Part of a first date ought to be that agonizing period of time when you two are alone in a car, struggling to say something cool and make a good first impression.

Riding in the same car also allows at least one important advantage over arriving separately, and you may one day thank me for bringing it to your attention: You can fake the flu and demand to return home immediately if your date uses the word like more than twice in a single sentence, e.g., 'So, like what do you, uh, like to do for you know, like fun stuff?'

To be fair, social networking is a relatively new frontier. Perhaps it will turn out to be just another flash in the pan. But, I don't think so. There's a generation of children that are using computers with agility before the age of five. It makes sense that they will continue to trust their guidance through every aspect of their lives. 

For my part, l feel fortunate to have dated my husband the old-fashioned way. He called me up on the phone, we agreed on a location for our date and went there in his car. He had a front seat that wasn't divided by a console. And over the course of months of going out together, I went from hugging the door to putting my head on his shoulder. It was a subtle way for me to say, 'I trust you and I think I may be falling in love with you.'

Forty years later I'm still trusting my gut instincts to keep my marriage alive and real. That comes from learning to hear more than what you're told.

You may choose to ignore this last piece of advice and I don't blame you as I've pretty much revealed I'm a dating dinosaur. But, here goes anyway: If you've been fed information that, strangely, jibes with everything you said you wanted in your site bio, please ask a Iot of questions. It's your only real option in figuring out if he/she's been honest or feeding you a line of bull. And for heaven's sake, Be Careful Out There!