Listen to this true story as you read. Click the wee wee arrow next to the wee lude speekir graphic above the picture of the Scottish pond note.

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I use the Scottish vernacular in 90% of my poems.

The musical sounds and twists of the Scottish words used famously by 'Robert Burns', gives colour and with a little imagination and patience from the reader, makes for a experience in poetry which differs from the usual.
They say the English language is hard to master. Here all you need as I have mentioned is patience of mind and no preconceived ideas as to what is normal.

I have been told recently my humour is of the bathroom type and very much disliked. However, I won't let the misery of a few others get me down. I do say that humour to me is everyday life and I will never apologize for trying to make people laugh. It costs me nothing so let I be my gift to all who are a wee bit down :)

I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world.
Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)


I know that some still cannot get used to the idea of this vernacular. I do apologize, however if I do not use this dialect there would be no point in me writing at all. It is different I know but there is enough beautiful 'English' poems on FanStory that it should not matter. So, as it gives me great deal of pleasure I hope you do not mind me carrying on with this style. Thank you:) :) :): :)

A wee sample o' Scoatish vernacular.



Anither = another
Amber Fluid = Whisky
Amung = among
Beryl = Frustration
Breed = Bread , whin a man an' a wummin get together :(
Birlin' = Turning around and around. Jings ma heids fair birlin' efter those twa wee whiskies.
Bonny Lass = means, gentle, luvin' an' a carin' lass. so called beauty is only skin deep. (Tell that tae Miranda Kerr. Oh! My)
Banshees or Ghouls ,or miseries = Folks that dinny like ma vernacular:)
Bile = boil, could be bile as in sickly sick
Biopsy = a stupid idea
Blidy Nora = Scottish exclamation!!!! Means Blidy Nora!!!
Bum crack = The part that fits into a bicycle seat.
Bum.. Erse as in joak.bottom.sittin' flaps.rear end....posterior
Bahookie = Bum as in erse
Breeth = Breath
Boobs = If yea dinny ken am no gonna tell yea:(
Brammer = Great, fanstastic, best ever
Claes = Clothes
Cawed = called
Ciao = Italian for ' Am gonna bugger oaf noo'.
Courin' = Cowering
Castration = is whin a bloke has tae sit doon tae pee screamin' in a high pitched voice :( ' oh Ma!!! Sum buggers pinced ma He-Haws' :(
Doaktur = Doctor
Een = Eyes
Erection = jings iverybidy kens whit that means:( Is that a gun yea hiv in yer troosers or arrrr' yea jist happy tae see me:)
Echie = Eucalyptus tree
Fekin = Non articulate rude adjective used mainly by big silly buggers
Flair = Floor
Furst = first
Fart =.Fart if quiet
Farrrrt. = Fart loud,you have to role your r r r,s farrrrrrrrt
Fart exceptional = FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT
Fash.. Don't get excited. .dinny fash yersel lassy!
Fluers = Flowers
Guile = tae be a wee bit crafty. ( No a didnae find oany change in yer pockets hingin' up yer troos.)
Gawin' = Going
Glaekit = adj. of lesser intelligence, slow on the uptake. Anyone not from Edinburgh
Gramer = Grammar......whit iver that means,, used by The Auld Yin sumtimes whin stoatin' drunk.. Shat yer mooth wummin' am as jober as a Sudge:
Gawp =to stare open-mouthed 'Whit are ye gawpin' at, hen? Never seen a willie afore?'
Hudders = Holders
Haggis = :) Food from the gods
Humungus = Enormous, larger than a Scottish summer.
Hert = Heart
Hen = woman. Arrrr' yea ben the hoose hen?
Hielan' = Highland
He-Haws = Wee dangly bits. Family jewels.
Hoat = Hot
Heapit = Heaped
Jings = Oh dear!! Oh Bugger! Aw naw!!
Koi = Japanese Carp
Knackered = bawless..(Hey Jimmy it wid freeze the baws oaf a brass monkey.)
Keekers = Eyes
Lude = loud
Lern....Learn
Matoon = Urban centre in which mahoose is situated;
Mahoose = My House
Mingin' = Smelly.Jings you feet are mingin'
Mullian = million, canny be that hard tae unnerston'
Muckle = very large, blidy big, no blidy wee.( Jings jimmys gote muckle He -Haws!)
Maist = Most
Nouse = To know
Oaf = off
Ofay = to know
Parkie = Park keeper or warden
Pe'als = Petals = pronounced peh-ahls.
Peep = wee look, Could be , 'whay dae yea think yer peepin' yer horn at ya stupid wally'
Pronoonced = Pronounced
Peekit = Off colour'.pinched face..yea look Peekit hen, are yea a wee bit tired?
Proapur Punkchewation = Proper Punctuation.
Pawky = Shy, introverted, sad face,or sly dry Scottish wit
Roamin' = Roaming = overseas connection for your mobile phone. Or ('Roamin' in the gloamin' wae a lassy by ma side'.
Reek = Smell = Edinburgh used to be called 'Auld Reekie'.
Stoory = Cloth eared folks wae nae imagination
Soat = Sought
Stoaped = stopped
Sic = such ( sic a tiny wee thingie) Even wee-er whin it's very cold.
Stie = Stay
Scoatish Summer' = Whin the sun cums oot..Furst an' second July.
Scoatish Indian Summer = Whin the sun cums oot mair than three times in a row.
Scoatish Lang summer =A fenominum'In yer dreams Jimmy.
Scunnered = Sick fed up, Scunnered landscape. Barren
Shite =Polite Scottish description, a compliment. Similar to cow dung
Stoor = Dust
Sair = sore
Sleekit = underhanded, sneaky 'Ah wouldnae trust yon sleekit wee bugger wi' the ship's cat'
Scaffie = labourer, sweeper upperer,dugs bidy.
Troos'. =.short shorts worn under the kilt, for the purpose of not scaring the public.
Tatties = Potatoes
Tripe = A taste gift from god. Jings Mary he's eatin' tripe again; 'Oh my god :(
Unnerstondin' = understanding
Watter = Water
Waater = Lots of Water
Waaaaaaater = Muckle ( humungus) lots of water
Willie = From a laddie's thingie. 'Hey, Jeannie! The wind lifted yon sojer's kilt an Ah seen his willie.
Weecalf =Small coo, or anither wurd fur a weeks holiday.
Wee shite = Used by joak as a Scottish endearment to The Auld Yin.
Twaweecalfs = A fortnights holiday.
Wisnae = 'Was not' wearin' the troos. Muckle willie it wis, tae. Must be frae Edinburgh!'
Wance = Once (Listen carefully I will tell you this only once)
Wheeshed = Be Quiet. ( Hud yer wheeshed or a wull lam yer bum)
Wurd = word
Wad = Would

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