Humor Poetry posted November 9, 2011

This work has reached the exceptional level
The flashbacks have subsided. Thanks for asking...

Wasting One's Breath: A Letter

by another jim

Write a letter to your 16 y/o self Contest Winner 
Dear Jim,

Before we start let's make this clear:
I've no idea who sent me here
Who's me? Come on! I'm you, that's who
I know. It's weird. I thought so, too

Yet here I am and there you are
A sixteen-year-old superstar
A know-it-all beyond compare
With tie-dyed shirt and lots of hair

You're wearing sandals as we speak
And Levi denim bells. How chic!
I know I'm right, you know it's true
You know it is because I'm you

But that's not all I see from here
As flashbacks fade and reappear
In fact I'll share, as time unfolds
A glimpse of what your future holds

The good news first: You lived to see
The turning of the century!
But long before that came about
The bad news is, your hair fell out

You think you're skinny? That's no fun
But careful what you wish for, son
As age brings metabolic change
Your waistline will get rearranged

Here's one more thing I'd like to share
(The irony's a tad unfair)
Those boobs you dream about each day?
You'll own your own pair, sad to say

Heard enough? Well I have, too
But here's some free advice for you
Its source (that's me) is viable
And utterly reliable

Seems your teachers aren't crazy
You've got brains, you're just too lazy
Don't just sit there in detention
Study harder, pay attention

Dumped your steady girlfriend, eh?
Future Fortune headlines say:
"Self-made rich girl lives in style!"
Maybe you should reconcile...

Revelation of the day:
Rock 'n' roll is here to stay!
Making millions musically?
Silly teenage fantasy

Throw those cigarettes away
You'll end up quitting anyway
Save yourself a ton of cash
Dump those bad boys in the trash

You remember Mrs. Fleer
English teacher, freshman year?
Took you underneath her wing
Gave you A's on everything

Said you had a flair for writing
Found your poetry exciting
Thought your rhymes were wry and clever
Your reaction? "Yeah, whatever..."

Snotty words and so uncouth
Mouthed by one ungrateful youth
Thank the gods your 'tude got better!
(Who'd you think composed this letter?)

Words and language never bore us
Our best friend? Roget's Thesaurus
Turns out Mrs. Fleer was right:
We think writing's outta sight!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's time to go
Preachy talk gets old, I know
'Cause though it's fun to wax expressive
Sixteen stanzas seems excessive

Hope your eyeballs haven't crossed
Hope my meaning wasn't lost
Hope this letter finds its mark
Hope my words ignite a spark

Glad we got together, then
Younger-me from way back when
All that's left to say to you?
Sharpen up that Number 2!

All the best,

Write a letter to your 16 y/o self
Contest Winner


Contest rules: Write a letter (prose or poetry) to your sixteen-year-old self. Thanks for organizing, Smurphgirl!

My lack of interest in writing at sixteen? True. Hair and wardrobe? Guilty as charged. Mrs. Fleer? Never heard of her. All the rest? Depends on who you ask...
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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