I can't stand you farting, no seriously, it's driving me nuts!
I know I should tell you, but I don't have the guts.
You don't know that you're doing it, or so it would seem
Cause they sneak out unnoticed, while you happily dream.

I can't stand your snoring, I can't get a wink
So, with the audible onslaught, and the terrible stink,
I lie there awake wondering what I can do
To allow me to sleep, while you do, what you do.

I can't stand my cowardice, I feel such a fool
When you nick all the duvet, and leave me to cool.
You're really a nightmare, when it comes to our bed
There are few who'd endure it, it's got to be said.

I can't stand the fact that you really don't know
The offence that you're causing, and the seeds that you sow
Of doubt and frustration, as in me they grow
Cause I must get some sleep, or my anger will show.

But when I'm not freezing, and you're not farting or snoring
I look at your face and feel my heart soaring
With the love that I feel when I'm not under attack,
Unlike the feelings I have, when you hit the sack!