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Ooh, it's just too tempting to say that women are the way they are because we are the superior sex and we KNOW this is the right way to be! (Ouch!) Although that might be the answer you get if you are stupid enough to ask us at the wrong time of the month - "WE JUST ARE, OK!!"

The truth, however, is somewhat more complex, but can also be very simple - a woman is a human being, a member of the species Homo Sapiens, and just like any other human being, male or female, all she really wants, deep down, is for someone to understand her; to be seen and loved for who she really is. Even if, personally, she is the type who feels an overwhelming need to "fit in"; when it comes to love, she wants to be seen as an individual, with her own unique desires, talents and dreams. This, of course, applies to all women, but also, all men (regardless even of any personal sexual preference.)

And the complex bit? Men and women do, obviously, have some differences because they have different features to, and influences on, their bodies and brains. Although WHAT those differences are, is the tricky part to define; some are fairly obvious while others are very fuzzy-confusing-hazy, like trying to look through a big bag of smoke on a foggy day!

Physically, the differences between men and women are very obvious -- women have an "inny" rather than an "outy" so that we can grow a baby in there, and we have boobies to feed that baby once we have given birth to him or her. Men, of course, do their half in this process by providing (via their "outy") the precious seed which completes the half waiting dormant in the female; thus awakening the "mother within". The woman now feels the overwhelming presence of another life inside her, who is totally dependant upon her. This gives us women the unfair advantage of being able to bond with our baby while he or she is inside us (providing other things in our lives allow us to be in the right "space" to feel this), whereas attachments between Dad and baby MAINLY start after the baby is born. And perhaps, this gives us one of our main psychological differences from men -- empathy. But, perhaps not...

Even as a foetus inside our own Mother's womb, there are things occurring to our brain and body that determine the masculine and feminine aspects within us.

In his book "The Essential Difference: Men, Women, and the Extreme Male Brain", Simon Baron-Cohen tells us that "The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems."

Renato M. E. Sabbatini, PhD, in his paper "Are There Differences between the Brains of Males and Females?" says: "...scientists were sceptical about the role of genes and of biological differences, because cultural learning is very powerful and influential among humans. Are girls more prone to play with dolls and cooperate among themselves than boys, because they are taught to be so by parents, teachers and social peers, or is it the reverse order? However, gender differences are already apparent from just a few months after birth, when social influence is still small."

In their controversial book "Brain Sex," Moir and Jessel offer explanations for these very early differences in children: "These discernible, measurable differences in behaviour have been imprinted long before external influences have had a chance to get to work. They reflect a basic difference in the newborn brain which we already know about -- the superior male efficiency in spatial ability, the greater female skill in speech."

As scientists can now determine the differences in male and female brains via a number of methods, so we are starting to learn just how many physical differences there are, and these must, in turn, generate some psychological differences.

Scientists at John Hopkins University have discovered that the inferior-parietal lobe (IPL), a brain region in the cortex, is significantly larger in men than in women, and that the left side IPL is larger in men than the right side, but in women this is reversed. Sabbatini says "Studies have linked the right IPL with the memory involved in understanding and manipulating spatial relationships and the ability to sense relationships between body parts. It is also related to our own affects or feelings. The left IPL is involved with perception of time and speed, and the ability to mentally rotate 3-D figures (as in the well-known Tetris game)."

Another study led by Dr Godfrey Pearlson showed that two other areas of the brain were significantly larger in women, providing a biological reason for women's notorious superiority in language-associated thoughts.

Sabbatini tells us that "...human male brains are, on average, approximately 10% larger than female brains..." But before you chaps get too big headed, he goes on to explain: "...this is because of men's larger body size; more muscle cells imply more neurons to control them."

And there are many, many more physiological brain differences being discovered all the time.

One theory for these brain differences has been proposed by the Society for Neuroscience, the largest professional organisation in this area:
"In ancient times, each sex had a very defined role that helped ensure the survival of the species. Cave men hunted. Cave women gathered food near the home and cared for the children. Brain areas may have sharpened to enable each sex to carry out their jobs." In other words: Evolution versus Environment. Personally, I am not at all convinced by that theory; it could of course, go back even further in time than that!

Then, of course, there are hormones -- varying levels of both male and female sex hormones in each one of us dictate some of our attributes, and the type and amount of feminine and masculine aspects we contain and portray as individuals.

The following excerpt is taken from: "Sexual desire and your hormones", written by psychotherapist Christine Webber: "...our ovaries produce large amounts of the female sex hormones - oestrogen and progesterone... they also produce small amounts of the male hormones - testosterone and androstenedione..."

Likewise, men also produce their own oestrogen and some men naturally produce higher levels of this than others; while some women produce higher levels of the male testosterone than others, and these levels can have a direct influence on our character and feelings.

In fact, hormones can have a very potent effect on us; anyone who has had PMT, and most of us who have been pregnant, can vouch for that! I remember my midwife telling me that when a woman is pregnant, she has over twenty hormones affecting different systems in her body, four of which, she has never experienced before. That said, women do not own the exclusive rights to hormonal influences and moods!

For example, high levels of testosterone can directly affect aggression in men (and women.) Mazur & Booth argue that "high levels of endogenous testosterone (T) seem to encourage behavior apparently intended to dominate -- to enhance one's status over -- other people. Sometimes dominant behavior is aggressive, its apparent intent being to inflict harm on another person, but often dominance is expressed non-aggressively. Sometimes dominant behavior takes the form of antisocial behavior, including rebellion against authority and law breaking... T not only affects behavior but also responds to it."

While the levels of serotonin in the brain can directly effect violent tendencies (and depressive tendencies) in both men and women:

"Reduced concentrations of 5-HT and 5-HIAA in brains of suicide victims... Maybe suicide and violence towards other people represent the same underlying aggressive tendency... Low 5-HIAA levels in brains of suicides who used violent means to end their own lives (using guns or jumping from heights rather than by ingesting pills or taking a poison)." [Taken from SALMON.]

I think the effects of hormones on our behaviour all depends on which hormones are affecting us, and in what quantities. These are once again, very individual factors.

On top of all of this, there is another vital factor for consideration -- PERSONALITY. The personality of any person -- male, female, or hermaphrodite, is made up of a combination of factors: their genes; anatomy (shape and size of body parts); physical appearance; brain physiology and chemistry; psychological factors such as life experiences, attitudes and phobia's; behaviours including lifestyle, culture and environment; and so on, and so on. ALL of these factors shape an individual, so all are important when considering why an individual woman is the way she is.

For example, if a woman has been betrayed or abused during a past relationship, this may have an affect on how she behaves in a future relationship. But, of course, this applies to men too; it is a life experience that affects our future behaviour.

Another possible example (out of thousands!!) of a "personality" reason as to why a woman is the way she is depends on whether she wants to embrace her femininity, or fight it. An individual woman may feel she has something to "prove" to the world - that a woman can be just as good (if not better) than a man; this may be down to life experiences, job choice, leisure activities, etc. [And some women will be "better" than men in certain things, just like some men are better than women in certain things = individual differences.] But denying our femininity is dangerous, because going against our true nature is DENIAL, and denial in any form conflicts with our sub-conscious. She may be "fighting" herself, so of course she is going to "fight" with you, or anyone else for that matter, in fact, just about everyone and everything! Believe me I know, I did it for thirty-five years!

However, if a woman embraces her femininity she is more likely to be proud of her natural beauty, her empathy and therefore her wholeness as a woman. She realises that she does not have anything to prove, and that her femininity does not, in any way, conflict with her desires as a human being, but enhances her natural ability to be amazing! (Just like a man who embraces all aspects of himself enhances his ability to be amazing.)

Neither does being feminine mean that she has to put on loads of make-up and a short skirt and walk like she is trying to bump each hip in turn on the walls of a narrow corridor! These are individual choices - nature did not paint our eyelids "electric blue" or our lips "honey-rose", it did however, give us inate desires to find a mate, have sex, procreate, and to love. So we may choose to enhance our beauty, as deep blue eyes, plump red lips, and undulating curves thrust under a red blooded male's eyes may well appeal more! And that's cool, it is the most natural thing for a person to want to attract a lover.

And talking of love; each of us, male or female, and consciously or subconsciously, chooses whether we are going to exaggerate the differences that exist between the sexes, or utilize them.

In a paper called "Understanding The Difference Between Men And Women", Michael G. Conner, Psy.D, Clinical & Medical Psychologist says: "...a couple (need to) understand and appreciate each other, and even benefit from their differences. Understanding these differences intellectually is not enough... Understanding that differences are not intentional and that misunderstandings are merely the result of expectations that are not realistic can make a huge difference in a relationship. The differences that can be sensed between a man and women can deepen their relationship. More importantly, when men seek to understand and appreciate that which is feminine, they come to a deeper understanding of their self. And when a woman seeks to understand that which is masculine in men, they come to appreciate and understand more about their own masculinity."

Just as, in the workplace, many different personalities and skills are required to perform different tasks to complete a job; so, in a relationship, many different skills are required to run a home and bring up children. These skills are divided between the two parents (couple) who each bring their own skills, whether they be feminine/masculine traits or individual abilities.

But when things do all go horribly wrong, I think it is also important to remind ourselves that we are all the SAME species! - Homo sapiens; humans.

"Scientists decoding the human genome have discovered that just 78 genes separate men from women." [Taken from BBC News.]

And, as humans we all have a common trait - we ALL make mistakes, men and women alike. It is a normal part of life, but can often go a long way to explaining why someone is the way they are. None of us are perfect, and not many of us can say that we are exactly where we want to be, or who we want to be!

Thankfully, life is for learning! And life is amazing! Just the contemplation of that initial "spark" that gives rise to life in all living things is mind-boggling!! Who can truly know what God's plan is? Should we?

So, in conclusion, women are the way they are because of a large number of physical and psychological factors that work within them, and upon them, to make them female. [And likewise, men are the way they are because they have differing physical and psychological factors that work within them, and upon them, and make them male.]

But, we are all human beings, and as such, we ALL, men and women alike, have an innate and powerful underlying NEED to love and to be loved, and it is this overriding desire that inevitably drives who we are.

And, although men and women do have many differences which allow us to contribute different skills to a job, relationship or family; we can choose to either exaggerate or abuse those differences, or, to understand, appreciate, and utilise them.

Finally, women are all individuals with different factors that affect who they are, at any given moment, and some of those factors are feminine influences, but many are not. So whether we portray the correct image and psyche to best fulfil that fundamental desire within each of us (to love and be loved) is not always down to gender differences, but individual ones, some of which are not even our "fault". That's life! Sorry boys!