Satire Fiction posted December 24, 2010


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A satire on Santa delivering military toys

Santa Terrorist Alert - Code Red

by c_lucas

NEWS UPDATE: TERROR ALERT-CODE RED
 
A mysterious aircraft, with the capabilities of traveling at supersonic speed, has been spotted overseas delivering Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) to households throughout the Asian continent. The Central Intelligent Agency (CIA) has reported the weapons are being issued to young alien extraterrestrials in small clusters.
 
The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) has pinpointed the alien spaceship, Surveillance Alerters; Notification To Act (S.A,N.T.A.)  and Secret Liberating Emigrants In Group Homes (S.L.E. I.G.H.)  which is violating global airspace.
 
 
The NATO Air Command and Control System (ACCS) is trying to stop, or impede the progress of this ship. To date, they have been unable to break the code, "On Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blizten HO, HO, HO!"
 
Both radar and early warning satellite sytems (EWSS) have recorded unbelievable speeds and instant stops. The Allied Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe (SHAPE) has removed all restrictions to the use of fire power. So far they have failed to stop the Maniac directing the assault. The SHAPE Commander has requested the use of nuclear weapons.
 
SANTA SLEIGH has been impervious  to any and all attempts to stop it. Asia is in turmoil with the little aliens taking to the streets, firing their newly acquired weapons recklessly.
 
Europe is reporting massive upheavals of order. The young aliens have captured every capital city. Shouts of "SANTA" can be heard everywhere. The threat of a mass abdication of leaders is expected.
 
Director Napoli, Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has issued a Red alert from 1800 to 0100 Eastern Standard Time. This is the expected time of arrival (ETA) over United States Airspace (USAS). This invasion must be prevented at all cost. President Orammo has put the military on full alert. He has been quoted as saying "The Gulf Oil Spill is nothing compared to the up-coming invasion." Rumors have it he is going to bed with Republicans to find a solution. … Ex-President Phil Hinton is personally directing the interaction of this part of the President's plan.
 

Alert: Just in. The South American Cartels are trying to work out an agreement with the New World Order. Their theme song, "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"* can be heard on all airwaves.
 
Christmas Day: The Aftermath: All is lost. The new authorized global greeting is as follows:
 
"Merry Christmas. God Bless Us Everyone!"**


***
 Due to Evil Eddie, I am putting most of my author's note here:

* A cocaine joke in use today. Author unknown.
 
**A Christmas Carol is a novella by English author Charles Dickens first published by Chapman & Hall on 19 December 1843
Wikipedia (Tiny Tim Crachet - last part of the greeting.)
 
Director Napoli, President Orammo and  Ex-President Phil Hinton are intentional names. Don't waste your time trying to correct them.



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