Letters and Diary Non-Fiction posted August 23, 2010


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A Letter to a Friend

by S. Pumpkin

Cranial Thinker is a single medially retired army veteran. He is 100 percent disabled from post traumatic stress disorder and schizophrenia.  He writes amazing poetry that always touches my heart. Despite his delicate mental and emotional condition, I find it inspiring that his favorite quote is "Everyday is a Good Day". He is a brilliant man yet battles the demons associated with his disabilities. He has been going through a difficult period and I have not heard from my friend for quite some time.  To say I am worried is an understatement. Although he is a private person, I am not revealing anything that is not in his profile.  I do hope you will read some of his poems, ignore the spags, and allow yourself to see and experience the beauty of this wonderful man's mind and soul.  I am truly honored to call him my friend.  I am posting this because he may not be in a position to write but might be able to read this where ever he is and know that I am thinking about him.
 
 
Dear Friend,
 
Months have passed without a single word of inspiration, encouragement, or hope for a better day.  Without you, time has become an empty space weighed down by the familiar dark cloud of fear that you are once again lost. 
 
Have the demons returned?  Are you fighting yet one more battle knowing even if you win, another will replace it wearing you down a little more each time.  Times like this shake my faith in God.  Why would He allow you, a man who served his country with dignity and honor, return with scars that cause ignorant strangers to avoid eye contact and step aside out of foolish fear?  Scars that manifest in horrific dreams filled with memories even the strongest could not endure. I would ask Him why He added to your already heavy burden by torturing your mind with the cruelest affliction, schizophrenia. 
 
We have never met, but I know you well enough to know you would chide me for my harsh words, reminding me that God always has a plan.  However, not knowing His plan confuses and frustrates me.  It prevents me from doing what you do so well, accept that God knows what is best and in time will reveal the purpose to what I can only describe as needless cruelty.
 
We have so much in common.  There was a time when I felt God had abandoned me to a world of darkness, hallucinations, fear, and unspeakable cruelty.  Yet, He chose to send my demons back to hell where they belong.  It seems wrong that He has not done the same for you. 
 
You have become my friend.  Without you, I feel sadness and I fear you may be gone forever.  If I could trade places with you, I would.  You have paid your dues and deserve to experience the joy of watching the sun set, listen to the birds sing, and sit beneath a tall oak tree quietly writing your beautiful poetry filled with inspiration, encouragement, and hope for a better day.
 
My heart is heavy and I can no longer fight back the tears.  I miss you my dear friend.  I pray that God hears my prayer and sends the demons back where they belong so you can come home and be my friend again.
 
Until then, know that I think of you every day and love you with all my heart.



Sasha

 

 


Recognized


I too suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and know all too well the horrors associated with this disorder. I do not suffer from schizophrenia but know many people who do. It is one of the most misunderstood mental diseases. Most people are not aware that it all too often occurs in people with high IQ's. Schizophrenics are generally quite mild, soft spoken, and prefer to keep to themselves. Television's portrayal of the paranoid schizophrenic serial killer has only added to the misconceptions of this tragic illness that afflicts far more people than you may realize. I picked my painting of Christ in the Shadows because I know my friend would like it.
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