Dad, of one thing I have always been certain:
Your true (but conditional) love for me.
This sustained me for quite some time,
But now it is simply not enough.

Thoughts of you intrude quite often,
Especially when my son rushes the door,
Greets me with a hug and "I love you Dad."
It melts my heart and brings tears to my eyes,
Though tears with mixed emotions I must admit.

Tears of joy, beyond description,
But also tears of profound loss,
At what you missed out on,
And what might have been,
When I was a kid.

For when the door would open and you would walk in,
My heart would sink and I would be filled with dread.
To me, a fate like this seems worse than death,
But you were so oblivious to it all.

Your indifference at the time now seems inexplicable,
For your own sake, I hope you never knew what you were missing.
I now realize you didn't have a clue,
As to what you did to cause such angst,
In those you claimed to hold so dear.

Unkind words and physical violence were a double barrage,
That caused your children to cower when you arrived.

It is shocking to me that you could cause such pain,
And turn a cold shoulder to our sobs.
You never broke any bones in your children,
But there are no splints to repair broken spirits.

My heart breaks when my children suffer,
I cannot image being the cause of their distress.

There were positive things,
It is only fair to acknowledge.
You were very protective
When others tried to hurt us.
As you were the only one
Allowed to hit us.

You had a good sense of humor,
You could make us laugh.
But we never knew when the humor
Might turn to anger.

You taught us right from wrong,
We learned to respect others.
That was commendable,
But the method was not.

There is no resentment left in me,
Just profound sadness at what should have been.
But with stolid acceptance, I know I can't change things,
So I am thankful for what you did give me.

Because of you, I never strike my children,
Nor belittle them because I am angry or disappointed.
That is your gift to me, and I thank you for it,
But your legacy could have been much more enriching.