Humor Fiction posted April 4, 2010

This work has reached the exceptional level
An eggcellent and eggspensive moral story.

Edgar, the Eggcitable Easter Bunny.

by Quire's Gal

Count the 'egg' words in this story and I'll give you a kiss!
Edgar was brown, and somewhat normal looking eggcept for the fact that he was an eggceptionally skinny for an Easter Bunny.  This was due to his rather eggcitable and hyperactive nature.  Talk about being 'jacked'...Edgar eggxerted so much energy, he was a hopping textbook eggsample of the perils of eggsessive Red Bull use. Quite frankly, he was so over-eggshilirating to made one want to run, (not walk), for the nearest eggsit and toward your tranquilizer of choice.

Edgar eggisted for one thing and one thing only...Easter morning.  For weeks beforehand, he egghibited anything but an eggistential attitude toward his favorite holiday.  Quivvering with eggspectation, he would eggsperiment with all kinds of Easter candies; eggspertly developing his repetiore of recipies. Edgar bounced about so spasticlly in his delight, he nearly eggsploded from over-eggstending himself. In fact, one year, he got so carried away he spontaniously combusted and we had to eggstinquish the flames by spitting on him repeatedly, creating the now infamous "Saliva Eggstrarvaganza" of 1963.

In an effort to eggstrapolate an understansing of Edgar's eggstremist and eggstroverted attitute towards Easter, we ran some tests on him.  What we found was that his eggsocrine gland eggscreted an eggcess of a caffine-like substance, (quite probably due to to his eggspliotation of Red Bull, and it's eggsquisite mind-eggspanding "buzz").

This did not however, eggscuse Edgar's eggcentric and obsessive behavior. Devoting himself eggsclusively to the pursuit of sugar, high fructose corn-syrup and yellow dye number 5, he eggscluded himself from all other rabbit-related interests...(including female rabbits and the pleasures of the eggscurtion rate at which rabbits tend to multiply).

Finally, we decided that an eggschange of interest might occur with the help of a little old-fashioned psychcology.  So we sent Edgar on a little Easter egg eggscursion, and forced him to eat fifty eggs. This made him so sick, that he started speaking in tongues eggclaiming that "Sigmund Freud was an eggstension of the Devil",  and we had to call in an eggscorcist.  He cured Edgar by eggsurting pressure on his belly...forcing him to yack up the eggs. He then allowed Edgar to deduct the entire eggsperiece as a tax eggsemption....(Go figure).

It seemed to work however.  Not only did Edgar's eggstraneous behavior become totally eggstinc; whenever he even caught a whiff of an egg...he blew chuncks like some kind of eggstraterrestrial being blown out of an eggsternal-combustion engine. "I'm cured", he hollered in eggsultation, causing everyone to evaccuate the area immediately.

The eggspensive moral of this story friends, is to eggsercise everthing in moderation. Do not to get too eggsuberant about anything.  (eggsclamation mark here)... .lest you get eggscommunicated from the rest of society, get yourself eggstradited from the country or wind up on the eggsecution block.  At the very least, you may end up as Eggsecutive Vice President in charge of Easter egg food-coloring chemicals, signing stupid paper-backed biographical books about yourself at some travelling second-rate eggxotic eggshibit for freaks of nature...earning the eggsorbitant rate per book, that is too humilliating for me to eggspress at this time.

Eggsamine Edgar's story carefully, and you'll wind up happily in an eggstended-care facility, eggschanging quasi-witty bantering about happier times. The kinds filled with Merry Christmases, Happy Halloweens and eggstraodinary tales of Easters filled with family, good food, warm feelings, Easter egg hunts, and...of course...your gastrointestinal eggcretions.


Pays one point and 2 member cents.

Save to Bookcase Promote This Share or Bookmark
Print It View Reviews

You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.

© Copyright 2018. Quire's Gal All rights reserved.
Quire's Gal has granted, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.