| General Fiction posted January 8, 2010 |
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Also known as The Fink
Fare-Thee-Well Sharky
by fionageorge
Dear Comrades
Now as y'all know we're gathered to say goodbye to our comrade in crime, Sharky.
I thought about this long and hard last night. How can we give Sharky a proper farewell? One that would make him proud. A farewell that would give y'all three in attendance, a real sense of this man.
I lost hours of sleep, sittin' up, writin', then screwing up the paper, and starting all over again. I bin told by some smart-alec friends this is called ‘writer’s block’. I think in my case it was Sharky’s shock. The shock that death had finally caught up with him - rest his soul!.
How lucky was he? He tempted fate so many times. Y'all remember that time the Bank of Scrooge was held up. The police never did find the culprits –heh-heh! Remember, they put out a press release they were lookin' for a wounded tall blonde lady, with a grey beard. They managed to get a few shots into HER leg, but SHE still escaped. Well, they never found him-uhm-her! When they did an autopsy on Sharky this week, the coroner said there was bullets lodged in his right leg. Couldn’t work out how long it’d been there.
And of course, Sharky’s famous prison escape, only a few months ago. It was like a Laurel and Hardy movie. They even showed it on TV, he was famous! Crashing through the prison wall with a bulldozer. Stupid bastards had forgotten to remove the keys when they took their tea break. Sharky, quick as a snake in the dozer and outta there! Through the wall, by the time the cops were on the scene, neither Sharky nor the dozer could be located. The dozer’s still parked ‘round the back of the prison! The idiots never looked there!
We were all lucky enough to call him a friend, when he was within ear-shot. He never knew we called him “The Fink” behind his back. Fink by name, Fink by nature, he'd sell ya out as quick as look at ya, the Fink!
He had a temper none of us could match, and a cunning he believed none of us could match. But there he is, in his coffin. A corpse just like any other person, he'd hate that, heh-heh! He considered himself above the mere human species.
So, friends, let’s pay our last respect to the Fink. We'll shortly have 'im cremated, burned to a cinder! We’ll just save the devil from having to do it to him. Y'all are invited back to my place where we'll celebrate his parting. We’ll share the loot from the armed robbery. He thought he'd outsmart us, now who‘s been outsmarted? He's in the coffin, we have the loot! And no-one’s worked out how we did him, and they never will!
So fare thee well, Fink, don’t get too hot under the coffin!
Funny Obituary writing prompt entry
Dear Comrades
Now as y'all know we're gathered to say goodbye to our comrade in crime, Sharky.
I thought about this long and hard last night. How can we give Sharky a proper farewell? One that would make him proud. A farewell that would give y'all three in attendance, a real sense of this man.
I lost hours of sleep, sittin' up, writin', then screwing up the paper, and starting all over again. I bin told by some smart-alec friends this is called ‘writer’s block’. I think in my case it was Sharky’s shock. The shock that death had finally caught up with him - rest his soul!.
How lucky was he? He tempted fate so many times. Y'all remember that time the Bank of Scrooge was held up. The police never did find the culprits –heh-heh! Remember, they put out a press release they were lookin' for a wounded tall blonde lady, with a grey beard. They managed to get a few shots into HER leg, but SHE still escaped. Well, they never found him-uhm-her! When they did an autopsy on Sharky this week, the coroner said there was bullets lodged in his right leg. Couldn’t work out how long it’d been there.
And of course, Sharky’s famous prison escape, only a few months ago. It was like a Laurel and Hardy movie. They even showed it on TV, he was famous! Crashing through the prison wall with a bulldozer. Stupid bastards had forgotten to remove the keys when they took their tea break. Sharky, quick as a snake in the dozer and outta there! Through the wall, by the time the cops were on the scene, neither Sharky nor the dozer could be located. The dozer’s still parked ‘round the back of the prison! The idiots never looked there!
We were all lucky enough to call him a friend, when he was within ear-shot. He never knew we called him “The Fink” behind his back. Fink by name, Fink by nature, he'd sell ya out as quick as look at ya, the Fink!
He had a temper none of us could match, and a cunning he believed none of us could match. But there he is, in his coffin. A corpse just like any other person, he'd hate that, heh-heh! He considered himself above the mere human species.
So, friends, let’s pay our last respect to the Fink. We'll shortly have 'im cremated, burned to a cinder! We’ll just save the devil from having to do it to him. Y'all are invited back to my place where we'll celebrate his parting. We’ll share the loot from the armed robbery. He thought he'd outsmart us, now who‘s been outsmarted? He's in the coffin, we have the loot! And no-one’s worked out how we did him, and they never will!
So fare thee well, Fink, don’t get too hot under the coffin!
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Writing Prompt Write a humerous obituary for someone you don't like. Fictional characters only, please. Lets not write anything about our mothers-in-law. If you do write about your mother-in-law at least don't let her read it. |
Whoops! I have been advised I have written an eulogy, instead of an obituary. Too late to change it now. Let's pretend that the press was in on the funeral service, and presented the eulogy word for word in the local newspaper, as an obituary? I'll leave it up to you, FanStorians. Silly me, guess I've never actually written either one of these in real life.
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