When I first read the title of this contest "Why Marriages Fail," my first thought was of the old Johnny Cash song lyrics, We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We've been talkin' bout Jackson ever' since the fire went out.  Maybe it is that simple, sometimes, but I doubt it.  Marriages fail because they don't work.

Most of us get married with every intention of making it work.  Seldom does anyone approach the most serious of commitments with the lackadaisical attitude: If it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce.  Even the most civilized divorce is painful, and not every failed marriage ends in divorce.  

The saddest ones end with unhappy people sharing a name and a family.  They are still caught in a web of unholy matrimony, long after the last rites should have been administered to a dying union.  Some divorces are the natural end to a relationship outgrown by the participants, oftentimes because both were too young and/or immature to know who they were, much less who they were marrying.   I've lucked out in lifetime partners, sharing forty years with what I believed was the only person made for me in this world.  Then he died.  

Three and a-half years ago, Randall and I stumbled over each other while walking in a neighborhood park.  I've been pleasantly surprised to find soulmates sometimes come in twos.   So, I cannot speak from personal experience when I talk about failed marriages.  

However, I have had a front row seat in more than one divorce proceeding, and have lived next door to some icy alliances. My observations lead me to believe the causes of failed marriages are as numerous as there are participants in the failures.  Marriages skid and lose their glue from a myriad of sources from illness to unrecognized sexual orientation to a change in expectations and everything in-between.  Perhaps they fail because they lack the essentials of a fulfilling marriage.

Luck of the draw is the biggest factor in every good marriage.  Sometimes we are in the right place, at the right time, and we actually meet Mister or Miss Right instead of Mister or Miss Right Now.   Immediately following luck, comes laughter, lots of laughter, especially at one's own foibles. Seeing the humor in a situation can take the sting out of it.  All good marriages are created by two people, not one or a dozen, just two.

I once heard someone say that the happiest of unions were never fifty/fifty, but rather one-hundred/one-hundred.  I believe that.  Each partner must value the well-being of the other more than they value their own.  Neither can depend upon the other for their personal happiness.  The burden is too great, and happiness can only be self-inflicted anyway.  Respect, of space, spiritual belief, and the need to be an individual, is an equally shared responsibility.  Candor and honesty in every facet of the relationship is an absolute obligation of each partner. Communication is essential.  I've heard women who have been married for years talk about how they can't tell their husband this or that.  That is not only mind-boggling, it is a sure sign something's askew at home.  

It is impossible to fully participate in a marriage when there are secrets.  Secrets are what spouses yield, not what they keep.  A blessing shared is multiplied, while a sorrow shared is diminished.  Curiosity, a need for physical and emotional intimacy, as well as a desire to truly be one in the knowledge of the other are all significant on the path to a lasting harmony.  Faith is a crucial ingredient in the tastiest marriage recipe.  Faith in a Higher Authority, in each other, in our own willingness to go the extra mile and in the future.

Still, the most basic and necessary element in every rewarding and thriving marriage is the luck of finding one another.  A marriage void of this advantage is doomed to failure.  When we listen carefully and attentively, the Holy Spirit, our guardian angels, or whatever you may call the Power from the Other Side can, and will, lead us to the person  of our destiny.  Once in a while, there is more than one.  That's the best kind of luck.