Excellent What Santa Doesn't Want You to Know A Christmas Story From Hell by RaymondJohn The Truth About Old St. Nick

Category:  Essay Non-Fiction   Posted:  November 28, 2007      Views: 665

RAYMONDJOHN  IN PRINT   ABOUT RAYMONDJOHN  Raymond John is a hopeless FanStory addict who has at times spent as many as twelve hours in a single day reading, reviewing and writing for the site. His three purposes are based on three "Es" which are Explain, Enlighten and Entertain. His greatest fear is to take himself too seriously. He may not always smile, but he always has a twinkle in his eye. Knock his socks off with a fantastic write and he'll be your best cheerleader and give you a banner award, to boot. He has written two novels and numerous short works. His first book, The Cellini Masterpiece, has sold nearly 3,000 copies and received an Honorable Mention in the 2006 IPPY awards. It is now available in a Kindle edition from Amazon.com. An audio version (ISBN 9780615268125) is now available read by the renown actor, James Cada. MP3 edition, downloadable for IPOD, is 14.95. Order at www.raymondjohnbooks.com. His second mystery, Mix and Match Murder, which was originally scheduled for release in September of 2008 is now in print and available from Amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and North Star Press. A scholar born in the golden age of radio, Raymond always appreciates hearing a well-told story, especially one with action and believable dialogue in a historical setting. I have written and received many reviews. I have a thick skin, so if constructive criticism is forthcoming, bring it on. He has won several contests. The contest submission Mousie, Kittie and Booger was the first place winner in the contest Tales of the Weird.. Gold In Them Thar Words was the first place winner in the contest Tales of the Weird.. Lot 386 was the first place winner in the contest Tales of the Weird.. He is a top ranked author and is currently holding the #22 position. Portfolio | Become A Fan This is a Christmas story for you, dear readers. It won't be for everyone, so you may want to send the children to bed before reading it. You see, the character in the postcard above isn't associated with Hallloween. He's the Krampus, one of my helpers. What's that you say, Little Wendy Sue? You don't want to go to bed? Okay, if you insist, you can stay up and listen for a little while. But you'll have to go to bed when Santa asks you to. The Krampus' real name is Ruprecht Knecht. When I visit children in Germany and other places in Central Europe, I take him with me. I don't use a sled there and he walks with me. But why, Santa Claus, why? asks little Wendy Sue. Why would you want someone like that with you? I thought you had elves for helpers. Um, yes. Well, my dear, you've always heard that Santa comes down the chimney to deliver his gifts. Well, ahem, the fact of the matter is that Santa doesn't like getting his clothes or beard sooty, so he sends Krampus down the chimneys for him to leave the toys and candy for the good little boys and girls, and coal and switches for the bad ones. I know you've been a very good little girl, so you always get candy in your stocking. Did I find him at the North Pole? No. He was an orphan I found along the road. He walks with a limp because he fell out of the hayloft where his parents had abandoned him, and he hurt his foot. Why does he carry sticks in his backpack? Oh my, look what time it is. I'm going to have to leave pretty soon and you're still up. I can't leave my gifts until you're in bed. Good night, sweetie. We interrupt this interview we taped earlier to tell you the real story, the story Santa hasn't wanted you to know. The real reason Santa sent little Wendy Sue to bed is that he didn't want her know that in Germany and other Central European countries, he actually goes around and knocks on the front door and calls the children out into the street to sing or dance to prove they are good children. It's an outrage. If they do a good job, he gives them candy and treats. If they don't, he sends Ruprecht to leave coal or switches in the child's stocking! Scaring children into being good is a bad idea, but things get worse, my friends. If Ruprecht has been down a lot of chimneys and is in a bad mood, he may decide to use the switches on the children himself! And if the child has been very bad, he may end up in Ruprecht's bag and carried to the river to be drowned! Can you imagine? How can dear nice Santa allow such a psychopath to work with him? Is he so cheap he can't afford to pay anyone else? Ever wonder why kids in Europe are so polite? You've got your answer. The poor things are scared to death. Not only does Old Saint Nick use Krampus to do his dirty work, he inspires wild young people to join in his evil servant's misbehavior. We all know how easily young people can be led astray. And especially if they are emulating a father figure. Well let me tell you, every Christmastide in Shladming, a town in Styria, more than 1200 Krampuses get together for a beer bust. After too much beer and too much gemutlichkeit, the young pagans take to the street carrying bundles of sticks and swinging cowbells to let people know they're coming. Imagine. You're eighty years old and not able to move fast enough. You could wind up with a nasty bruise on your bottom! What's worse, it even happened in our own country! In the Nineteenth Century, the Dutch in Pennsylvania held a pagan rite called Pelznickel. The father or oldest son would play Krampus and creep into the house. Woe to the child who wasn't asleep or at least pretending to be. They sometimes had to eat their Christmas turkey standing up. So, Mom and Dad, now that I've given you the lowdown about this lowlife, do you really want your innocent son or daughter to sit on his lap? The man is a pervert at best! And just just think how frightening whiskers can be to little ones. And who knows, this jolly acting fraud could be hiding Krampus somewhere to carry the poor innocent off to be drowned in the river! America, be warned! Recognized Share your own writing! - Information on our membership for writers. Author Notes This story is for adults only. Wake up America. See what kind of person this guy Santa Claus really is. Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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