By themundanegirl
I sat where I had collapsed on the sand just moments before, letting the angry rain pelt my already-soaked body. The ocean was before me, beckoning me, drawing nearer with each crash of waves upon the shore. The red flag to my right rippled loudly as the wind continued to tear through it, almost as a way of warding me off. ‘Go home, be safe, it’s too dangerous here’.
A younger me may have listened to the warning signs. Hell, a younger me probably would have tucked my tail and ran at the slightest sign of danger; but that would have been a more naïve, less broken version of the girl I was today. Instead, as the storm grew with anger so did my excitement. I yearned for chaos. I had been surrounded by it so often in recent years that it was my new normal. I was an addict.
It didn’t come as much of a shock, the addiction. After all, I grew up being warned of the ‘family curse’ of how one day, if I wasn’t careful, it would ruin my life too. I suppose my addiction isn’t like the rest, they were all addicted to material things. My father’s kryptonite was drugs, his father’s was alcohol, and the father before him was any substance that would allow him to forget the war. Addiction was something that had plagued this family for many years. Now it was my turn; perhaps I had the worst one yet.
When most would search for peace and calm, I searched for the opposite. Chaos was my calm; if it didn’t find me, I found it. I’d imagine that was why I found myself on the beach in this storm while everyone else was tucked away inside. I felt more alive standing in the wind and rain than I had in months.
It’s not like I was having a bad day. If any average person were in my shoes, they would tell you that today was an exceptionally ordinary day. I woke up, got ready, and went for a walk; I even stopped at this delightful little coffee shop. Perhaps the ordain moments I found myself in throughout the day were why I sat on the raging shore. After all, I always found it if chaos didn’t find me.
I wasn’t always like this. I used to be able to look into the mirror and be met with bright emerald eyes that still carried hope in them. Now when I looked into the mirror all I was met with was a dull copy of the girl I once was. It was funny how one singular moment in time could change a person. Some would argue that it was a compilation of different moments that would lead to that change, but I knew that wasn’t always the case.
It wasn’t as if I had a glowing childhood filled with love and butterflies. My childhood was quite grim, but I always managed to see the brighter side of things. It wasn’t until that one night and those two trembling words that I truly believed the universe was against me.
By themundanegirl
One Year Ago
We sat in silence only hearing the faint hum of the engine and the occasional thump from the trunk as boxes in the back tumbled. Neither of us had spoken a word for the past half hour, not because we didn’t want to, but simply because we didn’t know how to. We were practically strangers after all.
“The trees are pretty,” his gruff voice broke the silence. It was autumn, in the mountains, which meant that the forest was displaying a colorful array of oranges, yellows, and reds as all the trees prepared to shed their leaves for the upcoming winter.
I nodded in agreement. They were pretty, in fact, I had become so used to their vibrant array each year that I failed to notice just how pretty they were. I forgot that he wasn’t used to the scenery.
He drummed his fingertips against the wheel to the faint beat coming from the car radio, trying to fill the silence. He was as uncomfortable in it as I was, but neither of us knew what to say.
It had been months since we last had a conversation that consisted of anything more than passing comments strangers on the street would have for each other. It had been even longer since we had both been in the same space together.
“Are you still singing?” he shot a glance in my direction. His eyes begged me to answer.
“Sorta,” I shrugged my shoulders. I should say more. I should tell him how I had auditioned for a local competition at school, how I nearly won it. I would leave out the part about how I probably would have won it had I not choked on the last line. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t muster up the words.
“You know,” he glanced in my direction with a goofy smirk displayed, “I used to be in a band.”
I raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? What sort of band?” I already knew the answer to it, classic rock. But to throw a dog a bone.
“Classic rock, we were pretty good too. I played the keyboard. Your grandmother told me that you were playing guitar. Maybe we could jam out together sometime.”
Jam out. The innermost snarky teenager inside of me resisted the urge to cringe at his word choice. He’s trying, you should too. It had been the better part of a decade since we had been alone together and neither of us was the same person. We both had some learning to do.
“So, the guitar?” he questioned, breaking the silence.
“Oh, um, not really. I mean she bought me one, but mom would never let me take any lessons and she didn’t like it when I tried to teach myself. She said it was too distracting.” I shrugged it off as if it didn’t matter, but I always felt like if I was able to work with someone that could fill in the gaps for me that I would have been pretty good at it. It was just another way for my mother to make sure I was under her control. The less social interaction I had the better in her eyes.
My response was met with silence. I noticed the slight whiting of his knuckles as his grip tightened on the steering wheel. We had avoided the subject of my mother since he picked me up, it was something neither of us wanted to discuss.
“Maybe I could show you a little bit of what I know,” he said after a few more moments of silence passed.
“I thought you played the keyboard?”
“I did, mostly. But my dad, your grandfather, played guitar. Do you remember him?”
“Not really,” I answered truthfully. I wouldn’t have been able to point the man out in a room if he were right in front of me. The only thing I knew about him was what my mother had told me growing up and that was that he wasn’t a good man. But what she told me wasn’t something I would put much stock in. She tended to stretch the truth or just fully reconstruct it especially if it allowed her to be seen in a better light.
“You were young the last time he saw you, maybe four or five. I’m not surprised that you don’t remember him.” He glanced in my direction, and I could tell that he wanted to say something more but was unsure of how to proceed.
He cleared his throat working up the courage to say whatever it is he wanted. “I know this transition is going to be a change for you, and I don’t want to pressure you, but your grandfather will be here visiting in a few days, and I know he would love to see you. He’s asked about you.” He paused, glancing in my direction. “Your brothers and I went as saw him a couple of months ago and they all had a blast.”
Brothers. That word caught me by surprise. He and my stepmother had been married for quite some time now, but this was the first time the word brother hadn’t been used singularly when talking about my life. I didn’t know if I would even recognize them when I saw them, or if they me.
My father had married his now wife on a whim, some have even referred to it as a shotgun wedding as a couple short weeks later they shared the news of her pregnancy. Just like my father, she had two children from a previous marriage. Boys, one only a few months older than me and the other a couple of years. I had never thought of them as brothers. It was nothing personal, we had just never really been given the chance to come together as a family. Until now at least.
“You know what now that I think about it, it would probably be too much too fast. We can set something up with him once you’re settled.”
“Oh no, it’s not that. Sorry, I was just thinking about something. I would love to see him,” I responded with a reassuring smile. I appreciated that he was thinking about my comfort and what I would want.
“What were you thinking about, if you don’t mind me asking?” I could hear the hesitation in his voice. He was tiptoeing oh so carefully around me, not wanting to overstep in any way and make this drive any more uncomfortable than it needed to be.
“How weird it's going to be to have brothers and a sister now,” I answered truthfully, seeing no reason to not.
He shot a puzzled look in my direction.
“I’ve never really been around any of them except for Nathan. It’s just going to be weird having them around.” I explained further. Nathan was my younger brother. Our parents had Nathan shortly before divorcing. He had made the move to my father’s a few months ago, I was too scared at the time to make that change.
“I never really noticed, but I guess you’re right. It’ll be a transition for us all. Izzy is excited, she’s been telling all her friends at school.”
Izzy was my half-sister. I hadn’t seen her since she was a newborn. I was surprised to hear about her excitement. “How old is she now?” I was ashamed to admit that I had no clue.
“She’s almost 8 and going through a princess phase. Forewarning she’s fully expecting her older sister to play dress up with her, and she doesn’t take no for an answer. The boys are excited for you to take their place at the tea parties. I believe they are too cool to continue wearing play dresses and tiaras.” he chuckled. I could hear the admiration in his voice, and I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of jealousy. She got the father that I never had the opportunity to have. He and my mother made that decision for me out of their own selfishness.
“I’m excited to see her,” I responded through a yawn. I hadn’t slept much the night before from the nerves of seeing my father again after so long.
“We’ve still got a few hours left of traveling, why don’t you try to get some shut-eye before we get there?” he suggested picking up on my yawn.
I nodded; it wasn’t a bad idea. I’m sure I had a long night of catching up awaiting me once I arrived.
“Alex?” He called my name. I glanced in his direction. “I’m glad you chose to come down here with us. I think it will be good for our family.”
I shot a small smile in his direction before laying my head against the window. He sounded so sure that this would be good and I truly hoped it would be.
By themundanegirl
“Alex,” my dad placed his hand on my shoulder giving it a slight shake. I must’ve dosed off again after our last stop. “We’re here, and before you get upset, I promise you I had no idea about any of this. If I knew they were planning something I would’ve warned you.”
I could hear the nervousness in his voice as I sat up rubbing the sleep out of my eyes to be met with a driveway and yard full of cars. When I agreed to come down here Dad had promised me a smooth transition with no theatrics. I hadn’t seen or spoken to most of the family down here and years and the last thing that I wanted to do after a long car ride was to play catch-up with them all at once.
“We can drive around the block, and I can tell Melinda to send them all home. Just say the word and they will be gone,” he said as I scanned the crowded yard and driveway that led to their two-story ranch-style home with a wrap-around porch that most middle-aged women in the south would kill for. I saw a few of the downstairs curtains rustle as prying eyes peeked out in anticipation for us to come inside and I knew there was no going back.
“No. It’s fine, they already know that we are here, and I don’t want to be rude,” I said plastering a smile on my face. I knew he had nothing to do with this and no matter how unhappy I was about it I didn’t want to add to his guilt.
“You sure?” He questions placing a hand on the gear shift, ready to place the car into reverse the minute I said so.
“I’m sure, we’ve been spotted, and I believe they are becoming a bit impatient,” I nodded towards the rustling curtains. “Let’s go before they think we are avoiding them.”
“You can leave the bags in the car, I’ll have the boys help me get them later.” He said as we got out of the car.
I nodded and peered at my reflection in the car mirror smoothing a few flyaway hairs from my ponytail. If I had to walk into a house full of people, I wanted to at least make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess.
As we grew closer to walking up the porch steps my decision to come inside and not take my dad up on his escape plan turned into more of a sense of anxiety. Before we could get to the front door it flew open and people rushed out to us, shoving my dad out of the way, and ushering me into several different hugs. Most of which were from people I didn’t recognize and a few from people I was sure I had never met before.
I plastered on a fake smile, trying to hide the overwhelming sense of anxiety that was building up inside of me as I returned all the good to see you’s and missed you’s. I hated to be crowded and above all, I wasn’t much of a fan of hugs.
“Alright, ya’ll, let the poor girl into the house why don’t you? There will be plenty of time to catch up later.” A southern bell voice drawled from inside of the house that belonged to whom I could only assume was Melinda as she stepped out onto the front porch. Her kinky curly hair was tied up into a neat bun atop her head and she had a warm inviting smile on display as walked towards me ushering me into the house.
I remembered often comparing my wiry copper hair to her amber curls and wishing I could have hair like hers. It wasn’t until my sophomore year in high school and my extended stay at my friend Bella’s that I saw just how much effort went into maintaining textured hair, that I counted my blessings. I wasn’t one to put too much effort into my appearance and I didn’t envy Bella for the hours she put into hers each morning.
“I’m so excited that our family can finally be whole,” Melinda said once we made it inside the open concept living room. She wrapped her perfectly bronzed arms around me engulfing me with the scents of freshly baked cookies and floral notes. With not a curl out of place and make-up done perfectly to accentuate her hazel eyes, she didn’t look to be a day over 35 even though she was in her mid 40’s.
“How was the ride?” she questioned leaving one of her perfectly manicured hands on my shoulder.
“Long,” I smiled, “but I’m glad to be here,” I answered as I took in the large house that looked to be right out of a southern living magazine. A few feet inside of the door was a very well-used piano, a grand living room that led into what appeared to be a dining room with only a small wall closing off the living room from the kitchen. A banner that read ‘Welcum Alex’ in glittery lettering hung from the banister leading upstairs that I could only assume was made by Izzy.
“We are glad you are too sweetie,” she gave my shoulder a small squeeze and smiled warmly.
What seemed to be an oven timer sounded over the steady chatter from the small crowd that had gathered in the living room. “Oh, that’s my cue. I hope you still like mac n’ cheese, I made it special for you.” She exclaimed excitedly as she rushed off into the kitchen.
I didn’t, but I wouldn’t tell her that. When we were younger all Nathan and I would eat was mac n’ cheese and hot dogs. It wasn’t because that’s all we liked but it was all that we knew. It was all our mother could afford to feed us regularly.
“Oh Alex, dear,” Melinda’s head popped back into sight around the small half-wall that separated the kitchen from the living room, “the boys are out back why don’t you go say hello? Izzy ran off to play with some friends she’ll be back later.” She winked as she nodded at the sliding glass door that led to the back porch.
I shot an appreciative smile in her direction. She was providing me with an escape from the still-crowded living room and I was forever grateful.
By themundanegirl
I let out a sigh of relief as I slid the sliding glass door closed behind me walking forward to rest my forearms on the porch rail. After Melinda had so graciously offered me an escape from the crowded living room, I found myself being stopped by several pairs of supposed aunts and uncles or old friends of the family before I could manage to make it to the door.
Each conversation was about the same. They all questioned what my plans for college were. “It would be such a shame to see a bright young mind go to waste” they would say. Brady, Melinda’s middle child and the one I shared an age with, only being a few months younger than him, was going to one of the best colleges in North Carolina on a full scholarship. He had always been a smart kid and it came as no surprise to me that he ended up doing so well for himself. I kindly explained that I wasn’t sure what the next move for me was yet but that I was looking forward to figuring that out. I could tell some were pleased enough with that answer. Most of them, the aunts mainly, were not.
The women noted how they were glad to see I had finally lost some of my chub and grown into a beautiful young woman. “If only you wore a little make-up.” The men told me to smile more and made wisecracks about how I still hadn’t managed to grow much taller. “Don’t worry kid, men like their gals short.”
Now and then Melinda and I would make eye contact and she would send me a reassuring smile and drag me away from whoever I was talking to in the moment. It was as if she could tell how painstakingly redundant each conversation had become.
I took a breath of the fresh air as I stretched out my back and shoulders. I was beginning to feel sore from the long car ride that day. Even though we were a good thirty minutes from the nearest beach the air smelled salty and the heat seemed to cling to you with a vengeance from the humidity. I was quickly coming to regret my decision not to wear lighter clothing, even with it being the beginning of fall the North Carolina heat was unforgiving.
“Little Alex has grown up,” a gruff voice sounded from beside me.
I turned half expecting to see yet another middle-aged man claiming to practically be my uncle but instead, I was met with a much younger unfamiliar face that couldn’t be more than a couple years older than myself. He was leaning casually against the porch railing with one hand shoved into his jean pocket and the other holding a beer. I wondered how long he had been there before saying anything.
His dusty brown hair was haphazardly tousled with a cocky smirk displayed on his chiseled face. He freed his hand from his jean pocket and pushed off the banister, his biceps bulging from the action, and began making his way over to where I was. He easily stood a foot and a half taller than me, not that it was much of an achievement. I was barely 5 feet tall on a good day.
“Beer?” he offered the opened bottle he was holding.
“I’ll pass,” I answered quickly. It’s not that I didn’t drink, I had done plenty of that at high school parties I would often run off to, to escape my mother. I just didn’t make a habit of accepting drinks from guys I didn’t know. One too many crime documentaries and late-night Law and Order reruns deterred me away from that.
He chuckled at my response and stepped back, bringing the bottle to his plump lips and taking a sip. “You don’t remember me, do you?” he asked with teasing eyes.
I studied his chiseled features and while his blueish-green eyes seemed familiar I couldn’t place him. “Don’t tell me you’re another uncle,” I joked to fill the silence.
He chuckled at my response taking another drink. “I’m glad to see you have more sense of humor than Nathan. That kid needs to lighten up a bit.” He shot a dazzling smile in my direction, and I could tell he was used to doing well with the ladies. “It’s fine though. It’s been a while since we last saw each other.”
“Care to remind me?” I questioned with a raised brow.
“Nah, I think I’ll let you figure it out.” He said with a wink. “Your brothers are in the cave, I told them I’d wait for you and show you where to find them.”
The cave. Nathan had brought it up a couple of times when we spoke about how he had been doing since his move here. It wasn’t an actual cave. From what I understood it was a shed that they had turned into a bit of a boy’s club when they needed to escape Izzy or avoid Dad and Melinda.
“If you follow me, I’ll take you there,” he said nodding towards the porch stairs as he finished the beer he was holding, tossing it into the trash can near the door.
“Sure, lead the way.”
I followed him as he led me off the porch and to the tree line along the backyard studying his rigid yet relaxed posture as he moved so confidently. It was obvious he put time and effort into his body, and it paid off. He continued walking past the tree line but stopped shortly in and reached a hand in my direction.
“Watch your step, these roots can trip you up pretty easily,” he warned with his outreached hand offering it as help.
I ignored his help and chose to continue walking, which I had hoped would have shown my independence and self-confidence but that quickly changed when the tip of my combat-style boots snagged a root protruding from the ground. A small squeal escaped my lips as I began to tumble forward, and I braced myself to be met with the ground. But instead, I felt a large hand wrap around my arm pulling me into a strong embrace. I was engulfed by a subtle scent of sandalwood and vanilla with a mixture of the beer he had just been drinking. Had circumstances been different I might have found myself growing comfortable in his hold as it seemed to send a calming wave through me, but my embarrassment was too high. A deep chuckle rumbled from his chest that I was tucked into as he helped me steady myself.
“Told ya, they have a way of sneaking up on you.”
I quickly pushed myself away from his embrace, my cheeks red hot with embarrassment. I was naturally clumsy, always had been but I was usually lucky enough not to have an audience when I was.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I fixed my twisted shirt, following him as he continued walking. I was sure to accept his outstretched hand when he offered it again.
“Here we are,” he said as he nodded to the shed that sat a few yards in front of us. It wasn’t anything fancy by any means but for a shed that was in the middle of the woods, it was nicer than what I had expected. The boys had even strung up some lights on the outside and had a couple of chairs perched out front of it underneath a makeshift roof. The door creaked open as we got closer revealing Nathan and Brady in the doorway.
They both met us outside. Nathan shared a quick hug with me and Brady following with an awkward fist bump as they said their hello’s. A strong smell of marijuana billowed off each of them and it became clear to me why neither one of them was at the house. It seemed as if they had snuck away to do a little partying themselves.
“Sorry, we didn’t wait for you up at the house. Daniel offered and we figured the fewer people crowding you when you got there the better,” Nathan explained. I nodded playing along with their excuse but not being fooled by it for one moment. I couldn’t blame them, with a house full of that many opinionated people I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same.
“You remember Daniel, right?” Brady asked nodding to my cocky tour guide.
Daniel. The name still didn’t ring a bell.
“I believe the last time you were here he still went by Danny. We all swore you used to have the biggest crush on him.”
My eyes grew wide with realization. Danny was a friend of Brady and Elijah, Brady’s older brother. I remembered him being over anytime Nathan and I had visited when we were younger. I was convinced that he lived with them until Melinda forced him to go home one night. The last time I had seen him he was a chubby 13-year-old boy. I’d be lying if I said that 10-year-old me didn’t have a crush on him. After all, I was a 10-year-old girl who still hadn’t grown out of her chubbiness and was not used to getting a boy's attention unless it was for teasing.
I turned to Daniel with accusing eyes. “You could’ve told me who you were.”
He chuckled in response, “Where would the fun have been in that? I knew you would figure it out eventually, especially since you had the biggest crush on me,” he teased.
“I did not,” I argued but instead was met with the laughter of all three of the boys who stood around me. They were enjoying my embarrassment.
“Elijah is inside if you want to come in,” Nathan said nodding to the door of the shed.
Elijah was Brady’s older brother by a couple of years and from what my dad had told me during the car ride, he was taking a very extended gap year as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do. Supposedly, his gap year seemed to be filled more with video games and partying and Dad didn’t try to hide his annoyance regarding it.
We all piled into the shed where a tattered but comfortable-looking couch sat against the wall with a couple of lawn chairs placed on either side of it facing a TV. Elijah sat perched on the edge of the couch gripping a controller as he angrily pounded away at the buttons so enticed by the game he was playing he didn’t seem to notice that we had all come inside.
“Fuck,” he roared in frustration slamming the controller down onto the floor as the word Defeat flashed across the screen as if to taunt him in his loss. It wasn’t until Brady cleared his throat that Elijah seemed to notice any of us were there. I could see what Dad meant when he said that Elijah seemed consumed by his games when he played them.
“OH, hey Alex, how was the trip?” Elijah said casually as if we all hadn’t just witnessed the mini tantrum he had just thrown.
“It was all right,” I answered with a shrug. He didn’t respond. He was already picking up the controller from where he threw it down and restarting the game he had just lost.
Elijah had always been the quieter, less talkative of all of us when we were younger and it seemed as if he never outgrew it. I sat in one of the lawn chairs and watched the loading screen for his game, unsure what to say to break the silence.
“So, Alex, Nathan here has been super vague about why you guys finally chose to move down here after all these years. Your dad even seemed to not know why. We are all curious. Care to explain?” Daniel’s voice broke through the silence as he plopped down onto the couch next to Elijah. All eyes were on me, Elijah had even seemed to divert some of his attention from his game to see what my response would be.
Nathan and I locked eyes, and I could see him silently pleading for me to just leave it be. Not that I wanted them to know the reasoning as to why we left either. It was something neither Nathan nor I wanted to have to explain to anyone.
“A fresh start never hurt anybody,” I responded. “Why’s it matter anyways?” I asked.
Daniel and Brady shared a look, and I could tell that they wouldn’t be dropping the topic anytime soon. “Just seems to be a story behind it is all,” Daniel answered.
| Author Notes |
Please note, that this is an installment of a larger piece of work and therefore some of the story may seem incomplete or abrupt, as there will be more to come.
Thank you for taking the time to read! |
By themundanegirl
“Alright, ya’ll thanks for coming but we are all tuckered out and ready to hit the hay. Alex, I know must be tired,” Melinda said finishing her fourth round of what had become a true Southern goodbye. The clock was rounding on ten and there were still two people sitting rather comfortably on the sectional in the living room.
It wasn’t long after Daniel and I had joined the guys outside that Brady received a call from his mother requesting that we all come inside and join them for dinner. Elijah had to practically be dragged from the cave and refused to leave before finishing a blunt that he had rolled and partially smoked earlier that day. Claiming that if he was going to have to put up with the lecturing and so-called advice from the adults in the house that he could at the very least not be sober for it.
Around seven o’clock Melinda had tried her first attempt to start ushering people out. My father had just excused himself to go to bed after Melinda found him half asleep in the heaping plate of pie that he had made for himself, after all, he had had not one but two long consecutive days of driving. ‘If he’s tired enough to fall asleep on pie then he must be exhausted.’ Melinda had joked, explaining that my father would never pass up his nightly sweets. I suspected this nightly habit of his played a heavy hand into the type 2 diabetes he had been battling for the better part of his life.
It wasn’t until her second attempt that a few people took the hint and excused themselves, while others simply shrugged it off stating that it was a Friday night and they had nothing better to do. Now Melinda and I both sat across from an older woman who I believe introduced herself as my Great Aunt Candice while encouraging me to drop the great aunt part of her title stating she was far too young to have a Great Neice my age. Her husband, whose name I was unsure of sat quietly beside her with his nose in his phone. I wasn’t sure I had heard him utter a word the entire night. Not that he had to. Candice did plenty of talking for them both.
“Oh, sorry sweetie, we were just so excited to be able to catch up with Alex. It’s been so many years, you know?” Candice responded showing no intention of getting up from where she was seated. I still wasn’t sure I was even related to Candice, let alone having even met her before.
“It’s no problem at all but there will be plenty of time to catch up later. She’s not going anywhere, and you don’t live far.” Melinda said.
“Maybe we could just have another glass of your lovely lemonade before we go? I’m quite parched.” Candice cleared her throat bringing her hand to it as if she needed to prove that she could use a beverage before making what seemed to be the quick drive home.
“I’ll tell you what Aunt Candice, I’ll do you one even better,” Melinda spoke sweetly with a smile on her face managing not to show any amount of frustration. “I’ll give you a whole pitcher of it to take home with you.” Before giving her the chance to respond Melinda was dashing off into the kitchen.
Candice sat lips perched in disappointment that her ploy to stay longer had been so easily disregarded by Melinda. Her sparkly pink manicured nails drummed against her knee in annoyance. It was obvious that she wasn’t used to being told no.
“Alex, you’ll have to come by the house sometime soon and I can help you fill out some college applications. Maybe you could convince Elijah to come along too. It’s about time that boy took his future seriously.”
Earlier in the day Candice had very proudly explained to me that she worked in the admissions office at the local community college, stating that she would be the perfect person to help me fill out applications. It was made clear to me that she seemed to look down on anything other than higher education and this would be a topic that she wouldn’t be dropping.
“Aunt Candice, that’s such a thoughtful offer but just as we have discussed Elijah, if and when Alex decides to fill out applications, I’m sure she is more than capable of doing them on her own,” Melinda said as she walked back into the living room holding a large pitcher of lemonade.
“With her um,” Candice shot a look in my direction, “disadvantage, I just think it would be a good idea for a professional to overlook it.”
“Disadvantage?” Melinda shot back quickly with a raised eyebrow, setting the pitcher of lemonade down on the coffee table that sat in the middle of the living room.
The disadvantage they were referring to was the fact that I got my GED rather than my high school diploma. At the end of my sophomore year a few weeks before finals my mother had become more obsessed with the idea that she needed to be able to control every aspect of my life and pulled me out of school. I was on track to graduate halfway through my junior year and part of me believed that she was fearful of what that would mean. She never graduated high school herself and I had always suspected that a part of her never wanted me to surpass her in any way. It took me months to convince her to allow me to get my GED and even longer to allow me to get my first job. She never would allow me to get my license.
“I didn’t mean to offend. I just know that when you choose to get your GED over graduating it can put quite a damper on your college applications. They need to see something impressive to look past it.” While the words coming out of her mouth seemed to be an apology of sorts, the tone in which she spoke and the way she held her head just a little higher said otherwise. She clearly thought she knew better.
I could feel my cheeks growing warm with frustration. I hated that people assumed that I took the easy way out by getting my GED or that it was a choice that I had made for myself.
“Alex is a capable young lady. If she needs your help, then I’m sure she will reach out.” Melinda’s normal sweet voice became curt with each word that she spoke. It was obvious she was becoming just as annoyed with the situation as I was.
“She will,” Candice spoke confidently, “colleges don’t look very highly on applicants when they have made that choi-”
“It wasn’t a choice. “I spat out before she could finish her sentence. Who was she to think she could tell me what colleges looked for on an application? After all, she worked for a community college that’s acceptance was based more on the ability to pay rather than past education.
My outburst was met with a look of shock from Melinda and Candice. Candice’s husband was still seated beside her, nose in his phone oblivious to the whole situation. Candice sat across from me her mouth agape as I imagined she search for what to say next. Melinda still stood between the two of us at the coffee table her shocked expression that she held moments before replaced with a smug smile.
“If you’ll excuse me, I think I need some air,” I spoke curtly as I stood from the couch making my way over to the sliding glass door before anyone could object. As I rounded the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room, I saw Daniel leaning against the counter drink in hand. Our eyes met briefly, and he began to move in my direction looking like he had something he wanted to say but I didn’t give him the chance before walking outside and closing the door firmly behind me. He had undoubtedly heard the conversation that had just happened and the last thing I wanted to do was explain myself to him.
| Author Notes | Please note this is apart of a larger piece of work and therefore some content may not be clear if you haven't read the previous chapters. |
By themundanegirl
Who did she think she was? My cheeks still burned red from anger as I paced back and forth on the porch. Candice barely knew me and had already made her mind up about the type of person I was just because of one small piece of information she managed to know. I could hear slightly raised voices coming from inside the house. I imagined Candice had finally recovered from the shell shock from my outburst and was now looking toward Melinda for some sort of apology. Not that she deserved one.
I sighed as I made my way to the swing that I had recalled seeing on the side of the porch earlier in the day, feeling slightly guilty for leaving Melinda to deal with Candice alone but something told me she was perfectly capable of doing so.
Sitting on the swing I let my head rest on the back of it giving a gentle push with my feet before closing my eyes and enjoying the calming swaying motion. The heat from earlier in the day had been replaced with a cool breeze and that paired with the slight hum from the nightlife that surrounded me I found myself more relaxed than I had been in a while.
“I bet you’re wishing you took Elijah up on his offer earlier,” Daniel’s voice cut through the night air, a light chuckle rumbling from his chest. The swing dipped and rocked to the side as he sat beside me.
The offer he was referring to was that I share the blunt Elijah demanded to finish before coming up to the house with him. ‘You’ll need it just as much as me.’ Elijah had warned. I politely declined not wanting to overstep any boundaries on my first night here. Even though they had all ensured me that Melinda and my father were okay with the idea of smoking and drinking happening as long as it remained on their property and didn’t go beyond marijuana use, I still hadn’t felt comfortable enough to partake.
“Beer?” Daniel offered after a few moments of silence had passed. I opened my eyes and looked in his direction to see him holding not one but two bottles. This time the one he was offering me remained closed. He was a quick study. Had it not been for the fact that Nathan himself had enjoyed a beer along with his dinner I would’ve declined for the same reason that I declined Elijah’s offer earlier, but after the long day I had I didn’t see the point in saying no to one beer.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, grabbing the beer, and twisting the cap off it before taking a sip.
Daniel and I sat in silence as the swing swayed gently with the breeze, listening to the croaking of what sounded to be frogs coming from the pond in the distance. I knew he wanted to say something more and I appreciated that he hadn’t yet.
A few more moments of silence passed before we heard car doors slamming and the faint hum of an engine kicking on. Candice must have finally taken the hint and left. I wondered if Melinda would be upset with me for leaving the room like I did. I hoped not.
“Sounds like it's safe for you to go back inside now. I think that must’ve been Candice leaving,” Daniel said breaking the silence.
I nodded but did not move to go inside. I was enjoying the fresh air.
“You know,” Daniel spoke tentatively, “last I heard you were killing it at school. You and Brady were always the smarter ones out of all of us. I didn’t realize you had gotten your GED.”
I peeked an eye open and shot an irritated look in his direction. The silence was nice while it lasted, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he brought up the conversation he overheard in the house.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. At least you didn’t just drop out.”
I knew he was trying to make me feel better about the situation but the more he spoke the more I felt the frustration growing inside of me. He didn’t know enough about it to be able to console me. He barely even knew me as it was. All he knew was the innocent 10-year-old little girl that used to chase him around the yard and the occasional update that I assumed he had gotten from the boys. A lot has changed since then.
“I didn’t dr-,” I sighed stopping myself. “Daniel, I appreciate what you are doing, I really do. But if I wanted to talk about this, I wouldn’t have come out here by myself. So, either sit here in silence with me or go find someone else to annoy.” I wasn’t proud of the curtness of my voice after all he was just trying to help me, but I didn’t want to explain my entire life story to a guy who thought he knew me just because we spent a couple of summers together nearly a decade ago.
“I’m sorry, I just,” he cut his sentence short when he saw the look of annoyance displayed on my face. “Right, silence it is then,” he mumbled in a defeated voice.
I felt a pang of guilt. I knew he was just trying to be a friend and considering that the only people I knew here close to my age were my brothers, a friend was something I could use. I was just taking out my frustration on him and it wasn’t fair.
The longer Daniel and I sat in silence the more my guilt grew. I didn’t know if it was the near-empty beer bottle in my hand or the calming night air, but the more time that passed the more comfortable I became in Daniel's presence. The past year I had become more of an introvert, and it was very seldom that I found someone I was comfortable around as I much preferred to be alone.
“I’m sorry,” I spoke quietly as I finished the rest of the beer, placing the empty bottle into the cup holder that had been etched into the arm of the swing. “It’s just a touchy subject that I'm not used to talking about.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Daniel shrugged. “I shouldn’t have brought it up, it was obvious you didn’t want to talk.”
I smiled softly at his response. I appreciated that he was okay with just sitting in silence if that’s what I wanted.
“But, and don’t take this the wrong way,” he started, choosing his words carefully, “it may not hurt to talk about it with someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but if you want it to be it’ll stay between us.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’m sure talking about it all with someone would be beneficial, but it was a long story and one that would drudge up some old feelings that I had worked so hard to shove down and move past.
“Maybe.”
“I’ll be here whenever, if ever, you decide you want to,” he said reaching his arm behind me and giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
Normally, I would have pulled away from such an embrace but instead, I found myself leaning into it with a slight flutter in my stomach. It must be the beer. Surely it was.
| Author Notes | Please note this is a part of a larger piece of work and therefore some details may be missing as they would have been in previous installments. Please keep this in mind while reviewing. Thank you for taking the time to read and have a blessed day! |
By themundanegirl
“Alex, I hope despite what these barbaric boys have led you to believe you understand that we are civilized enough in the household to not have to sleep on a porch swing.” Melinda’s teasing voice startled me awake.
I shot up from where I must have fallen asleep in Daniel’s embrace, shielding my eyes from the onslaught of the early morning sun. I turned to see Daniel sleeping, his arm that was once draped across the top of my shoulders now laid across the lower part of my back, his warm hand resting on the exposed skin from where my shirt had risen. His head was thrown back at what appeared to be an uncomfortable angle, partially on the back of the wooden porch swing and partially against the metal chain holding the swing up. I was certain he’d have a painful crick in his neck when he woke.
Melinda’s chuckle brought my attention to where she stood in front of us. She had a teasing smile on her face, an apron tied around her waist, and her hair tied up into a neat bun atop her head.
“I went to invite you to breakfast only to find your room untouched. You had me worried for a moment that we may have scared you off last night,” she spoke, her eyes twinkling with amusement, “I see now that it is quite the opposite. It seems you and Daniel still get along well despite all the years that have passed.”
I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks as I stood up, the swing swaying a bit from the action but not seeming to disturb Daniel as he remained asleep and unaware of the uncomfortable situation, we had found ourselves in.
“I’m sorry. I um- we were- he uh-,” I stumbled over my words too embarrassed to form a coherent sentence. I could imagine what it must seem like for her to find me sleeping next to some guy on my first night here.
“Alex, honey, it’s fine,” she laughed.
I didn’t try to hide my surprise at how laid-back Melinda seemed to be acting. Had it been my mother who found me in a similar situation, at the very least, I could have expected some harsh debilitating profanities thrown my way. In fact, she had called me a few choice words simply for going on a date my sophomore year and being 5 minutes past the 9 o’clock curfew she had given me due to the school football game running into overtime.
“I’m sorry, nothing happened between us. He heard our,” I paused searching for the right word, “conversation, with Candice last night and he followed me out here to check on me. I guess I was more tired than I thought.”
Melinda nodded, her face going taut at the mention of what had happened last night. I imagined she wasn’t happy with the way I handled it. I should have been more respectful to her guest. Had I not fallen asleep before doing so I planned to apologize to Melinda last night.
“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I’m sorry. I guess you could say it’s a sensitive subject for me, not that I’m trying to make excuses,” I apologized looking down at my fumbling hands.
“I should be the one apologizing,” a gentle hand rested on my shoulder, “Candice is known for overstepping and not respecting boundaries, I should have made her leave well before it got to that point. I guess I didn’t realize how touchy that subject was for you, your father and I were never really given an explanation regarding it. When you’re ready we would love to hear what happened.” Melinda spoke gently, not a hint of anger in her voice. “Besides, Candice has always been my least favorite aunt. I’m just sorry your father slept through you putting her into her place, he has been begging me to allow him to do that for years now.” She grinned taking a step back, grabbing her phone out of her back pocket. “I need to go grab breakfast out of the oven, why don’t you wake Daniel, and both come in and make a plate.”
I nodded, returning a small smile to her as she turned and walked towards the back door of the house.
“Oh, and Alex?” she stopped a few feet away, “For what it’s worth, Daniel hasn’t had an easy life either. I think the two of you would be great friends, you may even find that you could help each other work through some things.” She shot one more smile at me over her shoulder before walking into the house.
I was sure to make my time at breakfast quick, avoiding the teasing smiles from everyone besides my father who sat directly across the table from Daniel with a soft scowl in his direction. Melinda had been sure to share how she had found the two of us ‘snug as a bug’ on the porch swing this morning. Everyone else seemed to get a few good laughs regarding it and Daniel had begun to make a cocky comment that halted almost immediately as he made eye contact with my father’s intimidating and unamused stare.
After quickly finishing the slightly too large plate that Melinda had sat in front of me, I was glad to accept Izzy’s enthusiastic offer to show me to my room before she had to leave to go to her dance class. ‘It’s right beside mine!’ she had exclaimed as she dragged me from the kitchen, up the stairs, down the hall to the last door on the left.
The walls were a freshly painted ivory with the same rustic wood grain flooring that was throughout the rest of the house. A simple yet elegant white full-sized bed frame sat in the middle of the left wall with matching nightstands on either side of the bed and a dresser across from it. The room looked rather large thanks to the beautiful bay window overlooking the backyard, encased with shelving and a plush cushion and pillows on the wide sill. I could picture myself spending many hours there while reading a good book.
The colors in the room were rather neutral aside from the fluffy pink rug that lay in front of the window and the colorful assortment of pillows on the bed and windowsill. Before she had left for her dance class Izzy had excitedly explained to me that she had picked the rug and pillows out and had matching ones in her room. Melinda had quietly reassured me that we could pick something out that was more my style later in the week, but after seeing the bubbly eight-year-old’s excitement for us to have something in common I told her Melinda it wouldn’t be necessary.
As I unpacked the couple of boxes and the large suitcase that contained all of my belongings the room felt bare and I couldn’t help but wish that I had been able to bring more of my things. My mother had been unhappy with my decision to leave and while she couldn’t do anything to legally stop me, she could control what I was allowed to take with me, so she did just that. I had pleaded that she at least allow me to bring my vast collection of books that I had built, some of them being rather impressive antiques that I had luckily found in a garage sale, the owner unaware of the treasure they had. She had carelessly disregarded my pleas and the following day I had returned from work to the shelves in my room that had once been overflowing with books to be bare all but a receipt of sale from the local thrift bookstore in town.
Once I finished unpacking, I made my way over to the bay window taking a seat on the plush cushion as I gazed into the backyard. I could see Brady and Nathan tossing a football with each other but no sign of Elijah or Daniel. Elijah, I was almost certain, was playing video games while getting high in The Cave. I had been here for less than twenty-four hours, and I had already learned that that was all Elijah did in his free time. I suspected that was why my father had such a negative attitude about the extended gap year Elijah claimed he was on.
Daniel, I supposed was with Elijah, I doubted he went home. From what Nathan told me it seemed like Daniel was always here just like when we were kids. ‘He’s had a rough life too,” Melinda’s words from earlier rang in my head as I wondered what she could have meant by that. Perhaps that was why Daniel always seemed to be around. Maybe he was running from something just as I was.
| Author Notes | Please note this is an installment into a larger piece of work. Therefore, some details may seem unclear if you have not read the other parts. |
By themundanegirl
“How are you settling in?” Dad asked from across the table. It had been nearly a week since my first night here and they had all done a pretty good job keeping me busy. Dad had taken me out to revisit some of our favorite places from my childhood, I think as his way to try to cut through some of the awkwardness that remained between the two of us. The following day Melinda insisted that I go into town with her and Izzy, claiming that a little pampering never did a girl any wrong. After a long day starting with an intruding visit to the hair salon, the stylist declaring that we would practically be family from now on, and ending with plucked cuticles and disapproving glances from the women who were tirelessly shaping my nails into a proper woman’s hand at the nail salon, I was beginning to think that Melinda and I had different ideas of pampering. Daniel had been a ghost since the morning after I had arrived, when asked, Brady just responded with a shrug and an irritated ‘I’m not his keeper’, before changing the subject.
“Alex? How have you been settling in?” My dad questioned, once again, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“It’s been good,” I smiled as I took a bite of the plate of food sitting in front of me. And truthfully it had been good. It was tiresome sometimes to have a house full of people who always seemed to have something for me to do with them, but it was also nice to feel as if I was cared for and wanted.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had anything that even closely resembled a family dinner with my mother but every night since my arrival I had found myself seated around the large dining room table with everyone. The only person who occasionally wouldn’t show up or stay long enough to eat with us was Elijah. Tonight, he had shown up when Melinda called for dinner but quickly piled food onto a plate before mumbling something about a tournament he was playing in and disappearing into his room.
I could tell it bothered Melinda that her eldest seemed to no longer have any interest in being in his family's company. Her sad eyes followed him as he left the kitchen without so much as a thank-you or love-you mom before they slid over to Izzy, and she pleaded for her to never stop being her baby.
“Oh, Alex, my plans got canceled tomorrow so I can drive you into town after all,” Brady said without looking up from his plate of food as he continued shoveling it into his mouth. A couple of days ago I had asked him to give me a ride into town. He had explained that he couldn’t because his girlfriend would be visiting.
“Stacey isn’t coming?” Melinda questioned her brows furrowed in concern.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” he grumbled in response. That would explain the sour mood he had seemed to be in all day.
Melinda’s lips parted as if she were about to say something, but she remained silent and instead turned her gaze towards me. “What did you need to go into town for dear?”
“Oh, I just wanted to do a little bit of job hunting. I wanted to start saving up for a car.” I explained. The little bit of money I had managed to save up before moving was in a bank account that my mother had access to. Once she heard of my decision to leave, she maliciously drained the account claiming that at the very least I owed her that much for the years she had wasted raising me. I knew she didn’t mean it, not really, but she got mean when she was even the least bit upset.
“Oh, well I’m sure the boys wouldn’t mind you using their car! No need to wait for one of us to be available.” Melinda smiled.
My cheeks grew warm in embarrassment, I had assumed they all knew that I didn’t have my license. My mother never would let me get it no matter how much I pleaded with her.
“She can’t drive,” Nathan spoke for the first time since sitting down at the table to eat. “Mom would never let her get her license,” he explained saving me from the embarrassment of having to do so myself.
Melinda shared a confused look with my father, I imagined they both were trying to work out how they didn’t know that about me.
“Why?” Dad asked his voice coming out sharp with aggravation.
Nathan shrugged “I think she liked the idea of having as much control over us as she possibly could.”
I kept quiet pushing the remainder of the food around on my plate, suddenly feeling like I could not eat anymore. I knew it was silly of me to believe that I could come down here and avoid the topic of my mother but part of me had hoped that I would just be able to move on and forget about it all. How naïve.
“How did she expect you to get to and from places if she didn’t want you to have any sort of independence?” Melinda asked incredulously.
“She didn’t,” Nathan said simply.
A thick silence settled over the table, no one knowing what to say next. Izzy had even fallen quiet, no longer rambling on about her many adventures. Melinda seemed too stunned by the idea of a mother intentionally holding her children back from making achievements to say anything. Dad sat at the head of the table, his knuckles going white from how tightly he was gripping the fork in his hand. I knew he was angry at my mother, but part of me wondered if he was angry with himself too for letting us go so many years ago.
“So, is that why you dropped out of school?” Brady asked through a mouthful of food seeming to be the only one that wasn’t afraid to ask the question that I knew was on everyone’s mind. Melinda shot him a curt look, but then slowly turned her softened gaze towards me awaiting my answer.
I caught Nathan’s sorry gaze from across the table, he didn’t want to talk about this any more than I did. Melinda and my father shared a concerned look, a hint of rage still behind my father’s eyes. They both had been so careful to not ask the wrong questions after what had happened with Candice, but I knew they were burning to know what exactly had happened.
“I didn-,” I started but stopped short when the front door swung open as Daniel strolled in stopping just short of the threshold between the living room and dining area.
“Should I come back later?” he asked, sensing the tension that had built in the room as everyone awaited my answer.
“No, don’t be silly,” Melinda answered quickly as she stood up from her seat and started collecting the empty plates around the table. “I had hoped you would be by, there is a plate in the microwave for you.” She continued with a warm smile. I noticed that tonight wasn’t the first night she had saved him a plate. Every night before we sat down to eat, she would pile a plate full and place it in the microwave just in case he happened to stop by.
“Ah, Melinda, I know I can always count on you. I’m starving,” he beamed as he made his way over to the microwave, only stopping for a brief second to hug Melinda, grabbing the plates in her hand, and setting them into the sink as he walked past. “Brady and I can clean up the dishes once I’m done eating,” he offered earning a glower from Brady.
“I’ll help Daniel,” I offered hoping to ward off any lingering questions any of them may have. The last thing I wanted was to allow any of them to get me alone to finish the discussion we were just having.
Brady sent me a silent thank you before rushing off to his room before he could be volunteered to do anything else, Nathan and Izzy followed behind him.
“Well, in that case, I’m going to go watch my show then,” Melinda said with a warm smile her gaze hovering over me for a few seconds longer before she turned and walked into the living room leaving my father the only one left at the table.
He sat silently glancing between Daniel and me, his eyes narrowing into a scowl whenever they landed on Daniel. Undoubtedly debating whether he wanted to leave the two of us alone after what had happened the other night. Despite my reassurance that nothing did or would happen between the two of us, my father remained guarded, claiming he knew what went on in a young man's mind.
“John, leave the poor boy be and come sit with your wife,” Melinda called from where she had settled in the living the mummer of the TV coming through the wall.
Dad shot one more intimidating glare towards Daniel, which Daniel returned with a baiting smile before he rose from the table and went into the next room.
“You know, that isn’t helping me reassure him that nothing has or will ever happen between us,” I said as I gathered the glasses and remaining dishes from the table.
“Who’s to say nothing will?” Daniel teased with a cheeky smile.
“I do,” Dad's gruff voice bellowed from the living room followed by a chuckle from Melinda and then the sound of her TV show increasing. I imagined she turned the volume up to prevent Dad from being able to eavesdrop on us.
“It’s so fun though,” Daniel said before shoveling the rest of his food into his mouth. He hadn’t bothered to sit down to eat, choosing to lean against the counter as he ate instead. Despite the cocky grin that was so proudly on display he looked tired. With dark circles under his eyes and a dimness to them that wasn’t there the night I arrived; I wondered what he had been up to the past few days that kept him away. His posture even seemed to be a little less confident than before and I couldn’t help but remember Melinda’s words the other night.
“Did you have something you wanted to say or are you just enjoying the view?” Daniel joked as he walked over to the sink with his now empty plate.
“Where were you the past few days?” I questioned.
His face grew grim for a mere second before it was placed with yet another cocky grin as he said, “Why, did you miss me, Ally?” using the nickname that he used to call me when we were younger.
I debated pushing him further for some sort of explanation, but I remembered how he had backed off when I had asked him to the other night, so instead, I returned the cocky smile. “In your dreams Danny boy. In your dreams.”
| Author Notes | Please note that this is one part of a larger piece of work and therefore some things may seem unclear if you have not read the previous parts. Thank you for taking the time to read. |
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