By Sankey
| Author Notes | This was inspired from a chat on Face book with a long time friend and some others talking about it being wet and windy at her place and the Chooks (expl for Uncle Sam folks - hens and roosters or chickens) wanting in out of the weather. I feel like I may return and add another verse or two to this but for now, this is it. Names at the start are fictitious to protect the whingers. Bel is the puppy. (not in the picture but now we have a cat hence the re-write Poppy and Elsie and some of the other names are the chooks. *Bureau means the Bureau of Meteorology of NSW source of Weather forecasts in our state. Thanks Ruthie Deeeez for the Stand off. Still waiting to hear from the owner of this photo, which I have converted to a cover for the entire book.) |
By Sankey
1.Spring is 'ere the grass is ris'
I wonder where them boidies is
Them little boids is on the wing
Ain't that absoid
The wings is on the boid.
2.Spring is 'ere, The Clover's ris'
I wonder where them bindiis is?
Them little bindiis is 'idden in the grass
If you fall over, they're in your arse*!
| Author Notes |
The First Verse is an Anonymous verse featured in Arnold Silcock's "Verse and Worse" a long time ago. Mine is Verse 2.
As Spring approaches the Clover begins to come up; usually, (in Australia anyway), associated with the clover appearance - are "bindii" (pronounced 'bindy-eye' a small thistle like burr that is painful in the foot or anywhere else.) I have gone back in and edited "ass" to arse as suggested by an Aussie reviewer. Thanks to kmmalone for Searching for luck |
By Sankey
There was a young man from Bridge Road
Who was fast becoming a Toad
He fasted at night
But his clothes grew too tight.
So they labelled him
"DANGER- WIDE LOAD!"
| Author Notes | As will have been seen in my autobiography, I grew up in Bridge Road, Ryde a North-Western suburb on the East Coast of Australia. Eight miles North of the city of Sydney of 2000 Olympic fame. |
By Sankey
There are 'Nose-Pickers'
And 'pose (possie)' nickers
Don't you snicker when they poses!
| Author Notes | I made this up years ago after the frustration many times with slow drivers who put their foot down when you try to overtake or someone else steals the spot you were planning to grab. Looks like "Old Red Eye's" "Comin' Round The Bend " Photo is gone, sorry. Not sure the tune works anymore either. |
By Sankey
There was a black and white peewee, once
As vain as vain could be.
He hung around our backdoor pane,
Confused, for sure was he.
There was this other familiar type
Kept looking back at him
He tried and tried to peck that bird,
The pane pecked back at whim!
| Author Notes | For some time a Peewee (Native to Australia I think??)either one of, or different ones has been trying to figure out who the other bird in the window is. My own photo, sorry I could not get him to look in the door window today. |
By Sankey
To Cleaners and Visitors
About my taps.
Re Vanity and shower
Here is the wrap
If you're turning off either
take notice mayhap
The shower taps, turn off
As tight as you like
For the taps on the vanity
Gentle is right.
The vanity washers are special and soft
Only turn off the taps
Till water goes Off.
Don't over-twist
It'll as well save your wrist.
| Author Notes |
We get all sorts of people in our house. All kinds of taps or faucets in my bathroom as well. Due to my wife's need for carers to help get her in and out of bed we also have a cleaning service from the same source as the carers. I originally had just an ordinary note in my bathroom to advise, as the poem says, how the different taps should be treated. One of our carers liked my poetic bent, so here is an update for the sign. For many years I have had special washers in the vanity taps that need no effort to turn off. Fact is if you "strangle" the vanity (hand basin) taps you render the washers useless over time. My father in law is the worst offender for the strangling of same seeing he has a house full of dripping taps at his place.
Did you hear about the Irish Tap Dancer? He broke his leg when he fell into the sink! The "Tap" in Aussie land is known as the "faucet" in Uncle Sam land.Thanks to Photopeb for "Drip" |
By Sankey
I 'm having a better hearing day today,
My wife's not getting so much
"Ay! Wot ya say?"
There once was a time
It was the other way
It was she, not me
Yelling "Ay? Wot yer say!"
| Author Notes |
Some time back I had a severe Middle ear infection. It was allowed to continue unattended. Sadly, this has caused me more permanent hearing loss than I had for more than 60 years. So these days I have good and bad hearing days. I hate it because I have always loved music and now can't hear it or play it same as I used to for years. Officially, I am Profoundly Deaf on my Left Side now, and Severely Deaf on my Right Side. The "super-you-beaut" hearing aids I now wear, are helping a whole lot. I hear, hehe our pastor has been working hard to get some echo-buffeting foam rubber pieces for the walls of our church fellowship centre, to get rid of so much echoing and make it more pleasurable for Louise and me, and others with hearing difficulty. We had carpet on the floor for years but it was a real job keeping it clean especially with the kids dropping food on it all the time. Hence the new vinyl flooring - sadly creating more echoes.
The picture is of some information on dealing with hindrances to hard of hearing discernment of your speech especially if they are lip readers as are both my wife and myself. Due to some confusion on language and so on, please keep in mind, I am Australian, although some of the 'bending' of expression in this poem is decidedly of the 'cockney' kind of English, from the "Old Country" Britain. |
By Sankey
There was a man named Fred,
Who may as well have been dead.
Every time he opened his mouth
Whatever he said went straight down south,
And always got him into such dread.
| Author Notes | This is a bit of a rant. may get more verses later. May even be completely changed ha! Sometimes we get ourselves into so much trouble from saying far too much. Especially around FS. Some of you know what this is all about. "Foot in Mouth man" is my own picture someone made for me years ago. |
By Sankey
Bladder, bladder,
Snakes and ladders,
I've got the bladder,
Geoff's got the Adder.
I want to sleep in,
My bladder gets madder,
The longer I wait
It gets sadder and sadder.
It's time to go out
But the crazy old bladder,
From that cup of tea
I now need a pee.
| Author Notes |
My wife and I both have what was once called "Japanese Bladders" but maybe there is a new definition these days.
death adder NOUN 1.either of two highly venomous elapid snakes of the genus Acanthophis, of Australia and New Guinea, having a stout body and broad head. Sadly cammycards' "snake basket" picture has now gone. |
By Sankey
Y'know I'd hate to use the toilet,
At the homes of some male staff.
'Cos if work's loos're their example,
It doesn't make me laugh.
I don't know if it's Satay,
Or Pumpkin Soup or Curry,
But the messes they produce,
Really makes me worry.
We tried some gentle poetry,
But that didn't do no good,
Methinks that with some people,
Be a miracle if it would.
| Author Notes | At the place where I worked for a number of years - it disgusted me at the ignorance of some as to cleaning up their own toilet messes I did try to get them to reform..with this poem but it never achieved anything. Don't know if it is the same in some ladies loos? |
By Sankey
| Author Notes | I am glad I found out I spelled Piranha correctly. I am sure this could do with another stanza Appreciation to A V Murray for their great pic of the "Dunny" - Aussie term for Toilet Roll. |
By Sankey
| Author Notes | This is another of my inspirations from conditions of men's toilets at my work place. "Toodle loo" is actually, possibly unique to Australia as a "farewelling" expression. So the title is definitely a play on words.You can take "bum" either way in Australia, the rear end. In USA the Vagrant or hobo guilty of the mess. |
By Sankey
| Author Notes |
Warning: This is a bit under the belt ok! Open minds welcome. My wife and I both suffered Diverticulosis which entailled..oh dear that word...a lot of 'tailing' or sitting on the 'W.C.' (Water Closet) as it was quaintly known in a bygone era. Fortunately, we now each have our own "conveniences" here at home.
I have also written, elsewhere about a complete change for myself since being diagnosed "Coeliac" ie now requiring a "Gluten-Free" diet. The good thing about the new diet is not so much ":contemplation" these days. This is an old poem. Sorry I cannot remember where I obtained this fab picture, somewhere online. Click on the Link above the poem for the tune I composed for it. I hope it still works. I cannot hear it anymore due to deafness. |
By Sankey
Ants in your pants
Some would say,
If they had a chance
For sure they'd stay,
Any place is their foray
It's really outside
I wish they'd stay.
"Mining" the clay
In cracked concrete
Out front
Wond'ring one day
If we'll be lost
With a grunt.
Perhaps in a "big wet"
We'll slide down
The street
As our slab get's pushed out
By them little dark feet!
Kitchen sink, Bathroom
And vanity too,
There's millions and millions
We'll send them to you.
| Author Notes | Ants have been driving us crazy around here. More verses added. Thanks to Rebecca Wood for her picture Just Keep Crawling |
By Sankey
| Author Notes | Saw this picture a long time ago. Had to re-work things for my first go at 5-7-5. |
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